Have you ever felt grief or
grieved for someone you thought you never
would or didn’t realize how much impact their death
would have on you. Maybe someone you didn’t know,
just the circumstances surrounding it. Maybe
someone famous etc.

A friend of mine
died in a tragic car accident. He
was only 19. I had the privilege of spending one
of the last 24 hours of his life. Just another hour of
gabbing about fast cars, motorcycles, etc. The
usual conversation, at the time.

Looking back, I’ve played
that hour over and
over and over
and over again.
He mentioned, more
than once, that he didn’t want
to die because of a fast car. He told me he

sold the Chevelle I sold him because he was afraid he’d
end up killing himself in it. In hindsight I should have never
sold him the car. He was going into the navy but didn’t want
to go because he couldn’t stand leaving Angeline for that
long. He loved her more than anything and he loved
others. He said he was happy now he had
Angeline back. To me he was full
of life and ready.

How cruel
things can be
sometimes. We want to
immediately blame someone. Usually
it’s God. Then we turn it inward to guilt and add
another layer on our already hard shell. God is not to blame
and neither are we, all the time. I was tore up wondering where
Chris stood with God, and that my conversation wasn’t more
seasoned with the salt of truth. I learned he had gotten
saved months prior and that brought comfort.

Yet I don’t know what kind of mark I
was on Chris. If people are like
puzzles and we fit as pieces in
their lives do we make up the pieces
that make the picture more complete or are we
pieces on the edges with but one color, jagged edges and just
like all the rest of the pieces. I hope I did more good than damage
with Chris. I hurt for his family, and Angeline, Shirley, Caylan, and
Jack. I grieve with them, not as bad, but I share their grief. I miss
him and I wasn’t that close. I really liked him. I feel I could
have impacted his life more. He has touched me in his
death. Hopefully awakened me for good. My
memory of him is great. I vividly
remember the last time
I saw him, red
sleeveless
sweater,
blue jeans and

a smile.

You never know

whom you may one day be crying
your eyes out for. Make the most of the
time you have with friends, family, anybody.
If you’re gonna make a mark on some
one make it a pretty one.

Even in tragedy as
painful as it is, God
will work it out to the good.
Chris may have never had the same
impact on me alive. I don’t know, but his
death wasn’t all a waste. Me writing
this letter right now is proof.

I don’t know why... I
just know if death
has to be a part
of life, I want
my death to
do as much
good as my
life & God
be glorified.

This I Owe to

my friend Chris McNeil,

by Warren L.
Martin

This is Chris and his family at
his Uncle Ry & Aunt Shelle's
wedding in Pittsburgh, Pa.