Drawers and Thoughts of a Daughter
I would go again in to my mother’s drawers
where her scent lingers
on aged scarves I never liked
but which she used, and on her,
they looked good.
I would finger her jewelry from the ‘40s
and 50’s;
she didn’t have much jewelry beyond
those dates,
and the pieces were so heavy.
I would look at the cards
she saved, and recall the day
and why I sent them, just to feel
me smile again.
I would read the letters I wrote
and hope they made her smile
or laugh
and never cry.
Although they probably did.
I would go once more to her bed,
stroke her pillow where she last
laid her head
and wonder of her thoughts.
I would breathe her pillow in.
I would talk to her about my thoughts
of getting older,
on subjects we didn’t have a chance to
discuss
or cuss.
I would acknowledge her successes in life
and of the difference
of us as wives
even though we were mother and daughter.
I have many good friends, here and beyond
and in my mother’s absence
they share guidance and concern
but they are not my mother.
Perhaps her words would be the same
as theirs,
but it would be her voice.
And her scent.
I miss you, Mom.
In memory of Jacqueline S. Givens Rilling
1931 - 1992
by Karilea Rilling Jungel
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