Tom's Message

Don't cry, Mummy, any more,
And please don't feel so sad.
I'm all together better now,
Mum, you should be glad.
It all seems very distant now,
The fitting and the pain,
The handicaps have vanished,
But the love is just the same.

When I left that Monday night,
I didn't go away;
I just moved forward on my own
To a shining, bright new day.
You held my body cold as stone
That wasn't really me,
Just the bit I didn't need
Now that my soul is free.

So tell them all and make them see
I haven't gone away;
I'm still beside you all the time
At night and through the day.
The differences are very few
And hard for you to see,
I'm still the Thomas that you knew
But as I'm meant to be.

* * *
* * *

Two months since I fed you
Mopped you and changed you
Two months since I watched you
Ran after you, caught you.

God should have known what I meant when I said,
"Sometimes I want my Tom to be dead".
I meant that I wanted an end to your plight,
Not this terrible anguish, this absence of light.

Two months since you hugged me,
Held me and stroked me,
Two months since you teased me,
Called me and woke me.

For your handicapped body I wanted release,
The fitting and choking I wanted to cease,
I prayed for an end though I didn't know how,
But God should have known that I didn't mean now.

Two months since I washed you
Dried you and dressed you,
Two months since I held you,
Cuddled you, kissed you.

February 1996

* * *
* * *

"If I pour out
On to paper
All that is Tom,
There will be nothing left,
I will be gone."

February 1997


* * *
by his mother Sheilagh