Pattaya, The Beach Trip

            Sun, sand, a little surf and lots of smiles. That's what Pattaya on the southeast coast of Thailand conjures up.  My companion and I drove to the beach resort with our friend, Parn, one of the owners of Top Man in Bangkok. He made the trip pleasant with a continual patter about the culture and politics of his adopted country. His driver negotiated the distance along the new and almost totally completed freeway in exactly two hours.  (Getting there by public transport is easy. Buses are constantly leaving Bangkok's Eastern and Northern terminals. There is limousine service from the airport and several hotels in Pattaya will send limos to pick you up at your hotel).

Pattaya is not the pristine location it was before the GI's on R & R from Vietnam descended in hordes, but a peaceful day parked in a chair under an umbrella at Jomtien Beach will soothe even the wildest beast. Swimming, lazing, food, drink, a massage, conversation with Thai boys or farangs--all are possible here.  Just take the baht bus from downtown and in minutes you are in a different world.

            The world of Pattaya City is also different, and a change from the hustle and bustle of Bangkok. There may be less bustle in Pattaya, but there are equal amounts of hustle.  We found good restaurants, computer software we couldn't locate in BKK and--oh, yes--interesting clubs.  Here are a few quick thoughts:

            Be sure to check out both BoyzTown and Sunee Plaza for sure. There is a plethora of party clubs to choose from. Truthfully, I found the boys less good-looking than the ones in the City of Angels, as I had just been dazzled for five days by a hot man at Top Man in Bangkok The Plimsol line for good looks had risen considerably by the time I arrived on the Coast.

            In BoyzTown, Dream Boys was sharp, Star Boys a disappointment. At Star, I took too long in conversation with a young man and he was dragged away to another farang, even though I had bought both the boy and myself drinks. We did enjoy a good restaurant and bar, however. After a drink at the Cocobanana Bar, we had gone next door to Amor. Good food in air-conditioned comfort. The restaurant holds about a dozen tables and carries both Thai and Western cuisine. The Thai dishes are designed with farang in mind--chili icons indicate degree of spiciness. Both establishments are within a block of Ambiance Le Café Royale Hotels.

            A taxi ride away, but worth the time, is the Rancho Tejas, which is only open on Sundays for brunch. Owned by an American woman, she puts on a Texas spread that will make you think of home--and then some. Eggs, bacon, sausage, fruit, pancakes, homemade maple syrup and more, all for 170 baht. Address is 671 Moo 5, Soi Potisan, North Pattaya.

            If you enjoy cabaret, check out the ICON Hotel and Club, on the way to Jomtien Beach. In the spacious comfortable club, we saw and heard Khun Toi perform a number of songs in English. Even if you are tone deaf, the young man is a pleasure to watch. Between sets an energetic group of dancers put on an athletic show.

            Sunee Plaza is within walking distance of BoyzTown--no more than five minutes, and well worth the jaunt. We explored the area on our second night and found it had both ups and downs.  First we dined at a restaurant owned by either Nazis or Nazi wannabes. They spent part of the evening "Seig Heil-ing" other old German customers. We were not impressed, nor were we impressed with their brutal treatment of the two beautiful wait staff. One owner (or perhaps manager) could barely speak English--surprising for a German--yet he snapped viciously at his waiters if they didn't immediately understand a command in his pidgin English.  He also went apoplectic when I ordered wine to be served with my main course and requested that the glass be chilled, as that is the way I like it at home.

We were impressed, however, with the meal, which was exquisite--cooked to perfection, replete with flavor and presented gallantly.  The best part may have just been watching the two gorgeous boys scurry about. The owners may not treat the wait staff well, but they have great taste. I wanted to "take the boys away from all this!"

We checked out the Crazy Club, which indeed it is. The owner, Peter (who opened the club, the first in Sunee Plaza, in 1995) has gone "politically incorrect" and garbed his boys in "Injun"-style flaps, fore and aft. Very, very sexy. Peter says he was "bored by the underwear show in nearly every #$%* bar in Thailand and wanted to do something different," so he borrowed an idea from Apache Boys in Bangkok.

The stage concept was unique. The boys stood on a narrow O platform, either gyrating lazily to the music, or leaning against one of the chrome safety poles. Between songs, they rotate clockwise to the next pole. Customers are treated to seeing their favorite boy front on, in profile and from behind--again, especially appealing because of the flaps. Because of the movement of the boys, I could imagine a scenario where a customer, wanting to maintain eye contact with a particular dancer, would play musical chairs, moving from seat to seat to stay in front of his target.

Crazy Club offers a variety of shows in the evening, including an excellent shower show and individual performances, which occur in the center of the O stage.

                My favorite of three clubs we visited was Nok-Nok. Now there is an establishment with style! We approached, weaving our way through a gauntlet of touts for boy bars and were greeted by two soft-spoken shills dressed only from the waist down. Black bowties graced their necks. We were ushered in the upscale establishment by a polite, but not obsequious captain. Bar to the left, seating curving in a horseshoe around a substantial stage that jutted towards the base of the U-shaped seating.  A number of handsome boys dressed in the usual garb danced to music that wasn't overbearing. Conversation was, surprisingly, possible.

 Also surprising, after we were seated the captain brought us hot towels to refresh ourselves (what, am I in a First Class cabin?) and followed up with dishes of snacks--shrimp crackers.  Only then did he ask if we wanted drinks--which we did.

              Meanwhile, a customer to my right had taken a liking to a boy who wasn't dancing and sat on the far corner of the stage making out with the young man. Judging from the movements, the farang's tongue was reaching far enough down the throat to tangle with his partner's lower intestine.

             I became attracted to a boy with an incredible smile and soon he was cuddling with me. My traveling companion likewise found a friend. We inquired and were assured there were rooms to entertain, as it were. Now, here came my only disappointment with Nok-Nok. My buddy was gone seconds before Tom (name change) and I were. Soon, we were following them down the street, guided by one of the shills. Strange, I thought, I assumed the rooms were in the club. The other two entered the Top Man Bar and as we came in they were disappearing into the back. We were told there was only one room to rent.  

              Out we went and began wandering, like Moses and his flock, trying to find a room. I tired of this quickly (after going to one more club) and asked to be taken back to Nok-Nok. Inside, I politely (on my best Asian Manners) asked the captain for my 500 baht (off and room fee) back. "No problem, sir," he replied in his best Customer Service Manners. He handed me the purple note, which I transferred immediately to Tom, still seated on my right.  After all, it wasn't the boy's fault.

              So, Nok-Nok, which also has a great caberet show by the excellent Bodyguard Troupe comes out with high marks for a classy, comfortable establishment, good music, and extra twists like hot towels and "hors d'ouvres." Medium-high marks for the number of handsome boys and more top marks for customer service.

             There was a final happy ending for Tom and me. I came back later, about 10 minutes from closing, and invited him to my place for the night. When we left together he said, "Thanks for inviting me, I didn't want to have to go home alone."  He is a wonderful, gentle 21-year old from the Isan and everyone spent the night happily ever after.

            The two-day trip was too short, but we wanted to get back to Bangkok, and our favorite club, TheTop Man Go-Go Bar.

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Last updated November 25, 1999.