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1. Who do you sit by? i sit by her as close as i
can when i know he's going to push just that little bit. i can't stop him,
but i can hold her. i sit by him as close as i can,
even when he's laughing with her, looking forward to her her and her,
missing her her and her. i sit by him and laugh.
i sit by her and cry. she sits by me too.
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate:
Marina. It's unusual enough so I hardly ever have to tack a letter on the
end of it. I like that. Marina is the ocean. Marina
is named after her great grandfather on one side named Martin, and
her great grandmother on the other side named Marie.
Marina is blue eyes that sometimes look green or grey. I have
rarely felt like Marina lately. Marina is the little
girl with ringlets who danced around the living room. I am not Marina...
but I wouldn't want to be anything else. My eyes
are Marina. My hair is Marina. A few of the poems I write are
Marina, and most of the essays I write for some
class or other. My rambles are not Marina. I've been writing it as
marina lately, which seems sort of disclaiming it.
Saying, this is my name but don't take it seriously. I like the way that
looks a lot better. More anonymous, marina-the-place
not Marina the person. The harbor, ocean, clear green water
marina. On the other hand I love seeing my name
in print. Marina Moses. The serious writer. The studious girl who
gazes off into the distance as she taps her pen
against her glasses. My middle name is Friedland. It's my mom's last
name. I couldn't spell it until I was about 8. I
think I might have liked a more conventional middle name, one that's a
name and less of a title.
3. Nickname: i'm Rain Ma with him, mother of rain,
bigger than the sky, feeding the ocean. i'm the Whether Woman
with her, i make her laugh, i make her see truth,
i make her hide. with her i'm MeMe?, childhood friend, farther off than
ever. alone, i'm her. she. that one.
4. Parent's names: nancy and alan. what a boring question.
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday
cake? "Sixteen candles make a lovely light But not as bright
as your eyes tonight Blow out the candles, make
your wish come true For I'll be wishing that you love me, too" well...
next birthday anyway.
6. Date that you regularly blow them out? december,
month of supposed snow, supposed death, supposed good will
towards men. do women suffer more from supposed
death, supposed rebirth. is it mere teenage angst that's making
me go on like this rather than just say december
24?
7. Pets: i have a dragon that stops by my window
every night at 3:38. it's red, black in starlight, and when there's a
moon it's tail turns blue. we go to cloudscapes
and poemlands where midnight never leaves and 4 pm sleeps all day. i
have a stray cat that i brought home on a train
in an alternate reality. When i stay up all night it sits on my lap and
purrs
and bats at my moving fingers on the keyboard. it
licks my ear and tells me about birthing kittens and cat lore passed
down from the egyptians. it tells me i may pray
to it.
8. Height: when i was 11 i grew 6 inches in 6 months.
then i stopped. i'm not short, not tall. taller than short. shorter
than tall. and fatter than thin and thinner than
fat, in case you were wondering. and yet somehow i'm not at all normal.
9. Eye color: blue, when i'm in love. blue, when
i'm laughing, when i'm staring at the sky and smiling. aquamarine,
aquamarina, deep thinking intense. gray. when i
don't want to talk about it. green, deep green, fall in and drown crying
green.
10. Hair Color: brown. auburn. highlights red, bleached tips. smells good. over 14 inches. That is not dirty.
11. Piercing: a hole in each ear, is that why i have
trouble listening sometimes? a little hole to put beauty into. fill it
up,
make it whole, make it sparkle a little, turn beauty
to gorgeousness. Will they notice, will they see how my holes
sparkle and reach out to them with a smile and say
"i have done this for you. i have made a hole a whole for you."
12. Tattoos: no
13. How much do you love your job (1 to 10)? my job
is to get a job. my job is to wonder why I must earn money.
my job is to think, to dream, to analyze. my job
is to love.
14. Birthplace: goleta valley hospital, goleta city,
santa barbara county, california, united states, north america, earth,
solar system, milky way, universe, the belly of
the great cow.
16. Current Residence: BODY?: cold hacienda in santa
barbara, california, etc. (see above) SOUL?: the tip of the
rabbit fur, or at least climbing a hair. HEART?:
spread out over way too many places. Drawn towards a cob castle
that does not quite exist yet. MIND?: crouching
in the underbrush, i believe.
17. Been in love before? love... love is not acne.
love is not casual questions and deep answers. love is not seeing
things that aren't there. i think there is a very
fine line between love and insanity. love is insanity. i've been in love.
18. Been to Europe? Europe. she's been to europe,
so has she, and he's going eventually. europe is only postcards to
me, leaning Eiffel towers and subways and things
called lifts and trolleys. Europe is ancient. I am new.
19. Been toilet-papering? not unless you mean in the bathroom... heh heh heh... POTTY HUMOR?!!! YEAH!!!
20. Been toilet-papered? NOT UNLESS? YOU MEAN? IN THE? BATHROOM!!! HAHAHAHAHA?!!!
21. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? love
doesn't make me cry. love makes me catch my breath, makes it
hard for me to stand still, live in one place. love
makes me write poems about loneliness. loneliness makes me cry,
makes me cry, makes me stay up all night writing
nonsense, makes me write about love, make me cry, makes me.
22. Been in a car crash? er... no. i'm lucky. but
i've had really morbid yet somehow cheerful daydreams about being in
one. what would i do if i was killed? paralyzed?
had to deal with pain? yet somehow I never thought about what if i
were brain damaged. what would i do if i couldn't
think. what would you do if you couldn't think because you were
reading one girls late night ramblings?
23. Croutons or Bacon Bits? real bits of spiced bread vs fake salty stale nothings? um... let me think about this one...
24. 2 doors or 4 (on a car)? if it drives...ya know,
i'm not picky <----- *coughLOLcough* ah, you know roya, I think
it's talking about those fancy li'l cars that are
so small they only have two doors... as opposed to the minivan type...
not
the wreck... heeheehee...
damn this thing's long...
25. Coffee or Ice Cream? coffee ice cream, combine
the two, never make a choice if you can avoid it. Choices are
bad, choices are evil, choices have a winner and
a looser. to make everything fair you must choose both. you must
have no preference. sacrifice. virgins. heh heh
heh. evil metamorphosis.
26. Blanket or Stuffed Animal: i have a quilt my
aunt made for me when i was born. if i curl up as small as I can i still
fit
under it. it has a shooting star on it. i always
lay it so the star is in the same corner. I have a throw with dragons on
it, in
green and white. one side the dragons are green,
the other side the background is. it has a fringe that tickles my chin.
i
have a comforter that keeps me warm in novembrr
and decembrrr. it used to be at my grandmas house in the 'white
room'. that was the room i always wanted to sleep
in. it had a music box with a bird that played 'oh what a beautiful
morning.' when she died, I got the furniture from
the white room. the music box broke.
27. Dumper or Dumpee? dumpster. newborn baby dumped
in a dumpster. i read about that once. I read about
dumping a person long before i had a person to dump.
dump like a backpack full of textbooks on june 10th. molding.
free.
28. Salad Dressing: are salads naked? i didn't realize.
29. Color of socks: i wore one bright green sock
and one neon orange. he said i probably had another pair like them
somewhere. i wore those socks until they were to
small for my spirit. then i made a daisy chain and a notebook.
30. lucky Number: 10 x 10 x 10 x 10 x 10 x 10 x 10
x 10 x 10 x 10. all because by computer won't write exponents.
that's a google by the way. i'd do a googleplex,
except that's a google to the hundredth power. Not good to type out.
31. Place to be kissed: neck. little breathy bites.
tingles down my spine. fingers, hands. fingers and mouths go well
together. mouth. lips. tongue. teeth. breath. eyes.
32. Movie: moving picture. memory on a screen. gilded
over reality, spread out to millions. worn thin? yes. humor?
yes. community? yes. hot people? yes. fencing, fighting,
true love, strong hate, harsh revenge, a few giants, lots of bad
men, lots of good men, five or six beautiful women,
beasties monstrous and gentle, some swell escapes and captures,
death lies truth miracles and a little sex? yes.
"the princess bride." thank you very much.
34. Favorite Holiday: Passover. there's so much tradition
behind it. not just in the religious and cultural sense, but in the
family sense too. we sing the same songs, tell the
same jokes. every year I take a sip more wine.
36. Day of the Week: i live in the moment. right now i love mondays at 4:18 am. superb.
40. Restaurant: i like restaurants that don't have
flies. i like restaurants where the waiter makes sure you are ordering
what you want. i like restaurants where the spices
are perfect and the sauces ooze. i like restaurants that don't go out
of business.
41. Flower: those little white ones that have lots
of small blossoms in a round shape and look like weeds. when i was
little my best friend and i would go on walks and
pick them. we called them moonflowers. some of them are purple.
42. Least Favorite Thing: weak minded people. no,
people i know are strong minded but who act weak minded and
do things i know they know are not smart. people
who hurt them selves. i mean not just cut/burn, but hurt themselves.
deeply. and i can't help.
43. Sport to Watch: amateur soccer is good, i don't
know why, as is amateur basketball. professional baseball is good
because my dad has time to explain things to me.
but, Novel Writing as a sport just rocks my world.
44. Favorite Fast Food Restaurant: egads. that's
like asking which is my favorite, the democrat party or the republican
party.
45. When was your last hospital visit? the scariest
part was lying on the cart. (i try not to rhyme most of the time.) once
he actually started cutting into my cheek in search
of the cist it was easy, and quite interesting. in the picture i still
had
braces and short hair, so i was eleven. that is
how I tell my age, by my hair length.
46. Favorite drink? water, on a hot day when you're very very thirsty. delicious.
47. What color is your bedroom's carpet? a mottled
white/grey/brown. it hides everything that falls onto it, except
chalk, which it absorbs.
48. How many times did you fail your Permit and/or
Drivers License: i failed the test for my permit once because...
well, that doesn't matter. i don't understand the
DMV?. no one who's there wants to be there. The babies cry, and so
do the older ones except they've learned that it's
stupid to cry about something they can't change.
49. What do you think of Ouija boards? i think of
dark, little light, fingers twitching. subconciouses. Eyes grasping at
light. fingers moving, little boards moving. i think
of missing pieces, of half truths, of open minds. i think of him. i haven't
thought of him in a long time.
50. Where do you see yourself in 10 yrs?
I want to buy a house with
you.
I want to argue over city,
space, design
In the evenings, after the
heat is gone
but before the sun starts
to set
I want to bicycle downtown
with you
go to used bookstores, local
bands playing
loose track of time and
find our way
home in the dark.
I want to spontaneously
adopt a stray cat.
I want to laugh with you
before I get in bed at night
and
when I wake up.
I want to loose track of
who's turn
it is to do the dishes
and wash and rinse side
by side
and argue strange logic
and sing rounds.
I want you to laugh at how
I brush
my teeth
I want to tease you about
how
you yawn
I want to bring you a piece
of writing
and watch you read it
watch you get up to get
a pencil
watch you mark it, watch
your hands
when you gesture intensely,
explaining
I want you to make me tea
at night
without asking
I want you to come to me
first
shooting out excitement
when you meet the one of
your dreams.
51. Who is the last person that you got mail from
before this one? i guess scytrin... but i've been talking on IRC all
night. i need to go to bed soon, before my parents
wake up... anyway, i asked everyone to email me, but only JP and
rick did, and rick's didn't have anything in it!
but jp wrote me a poem. So everything's all right. :)
52. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? i have
been caught, convicted, imprisoned and hung. the woman you
are now talking to was dead 400 years ago. i have
been searching for a body to possess. This one suits me perfectly.
she is young, pretty, and well liked. no one will
believe i am here.
53. Which single store would you choose to Max your
credit card? if i had a credit card... if i were to max it... i would
go to borders and i would buy all their blank books.
i would take them home and just let them sit and gather dust.
every once in a while i would pick one up and finger
the pages, open the cover a few times. I would start a scrapbook
or two... and i would never have to wait to buy
and get used to a diary.
54. What do you do most often when you are bored?
i get creative when i'm bored. i've drawn doodlegators, woven
hearts into cloth, written songs, choreographed
whole shows in my mind. i've had ideas that blossom into stories and
plays and futures. i've made friendships. i've written
poems. essays. i've blown my own mind.
55. What words or phrases do you overuse? words like
feel, try... half assed words that are never offensive, never put
someone on the defensive. i say cool, like, totally
too often. cool seems to describe a lot of things to me that no other
word does.
56. Friend who lives farthest away: he lives across
the country, over the northern border. I can't visualize him anymore,
maybe he only existed in pictures in the first place.
he told me he would talk with me and then disappeared. gone. his
last e-mail had nothing to reply to.
57. Most annoying thing: to quote Enigma, "Mesa Jar-Jar Binks, you no like mesa?" and "Mm-bob, ba ba doowop"
58. Best thing in the world: staying up all night.
feeling so calm and awake from the cold at 6 am. Watching the sunrise,
knowing that when you go back to the computer he'll
be there, smiling as contentedly as you are. knowing the night
that was so hyper and so long and so short is over.
remembering when you got his joke and picked it up and repeated
it over and over and faster and faster until you
both collapsed into giggles. Knowing he laughed at your jokes. knowing
if you were together, he'd hug you.
59. Bedtime: heh. on saturday night i went to bed after midnight. on sunday i went to bed on monday.
er... okay, so it's a couple weeks later now... big deal...
60. Wake-Up: the longer i stay in bed, the farther
away the dreams are. the later i stay up, the fewer of them there are.
sometimes i think i hate waking up, being homesick
all over again. in the dream I could fly... in my bed i'm warm, but
the blankets are heavy.
61. Who will respond to this fastest? i will respond
to this fastest, i will click the reply button and write "LOL!!!" at the
bottom because i never do that, and everything should
be experienced once. maybe in a past life i was bill gates and i
started nasty forwards and tacked oneliners on the
bottom. but that's impossible, because then my karma would
prompt me to be hitler in this lifetime.
62. Who is the person you sent this to that is least
likely to respond? i send this to myself, i will not respond. i will take
no notice of what i was thinking last week. i will
paste it into a document for my mother to read if she ever decides i'm
not learning anything. i will forget all i learned
from it.
63. Did you pick your nose today? no. if i had, i'd pick one that's thinner, and resistant to pimples and sunburn.
64. What super power would you have if you could?
i would write letters, 10 page letters and e-mails and people
would read them over and over again, and reply,
and i would save their letters because I could see their thoughts as
they were writing them. i would send e-mails that
would get forwarded a million times and come back to me like a
lonely dog. my name would be changed, al gore would
take the credit, but my words would come around like a
boomerang and land at my feet with peoples souls
collected in them. i would be a messiah. i would be a martyr. i
would lift up my head. i would see the sun rise.
