October 10, 2000
im confused. a new found confusion. i cant sort out my thoughts. i feel like i just need a hug. just need someone to listen. even if i dont speak. just to be there in case i feel the need to. i just want someone to lift this weight off my shoulders. to finally reasure me that i'll be ok. and make me actually believe it. the worst part of feeling that, is that im so used to having someone there to do all of those things. and now, they're not even gone, they're just not willing to be there for you anymore.
i just hate being brought down. i know this isnt my fault. i didnt bring this upon myself. but i feel like shit. its not fair. how many times have i said that. too many.
is he even bothered by the fact that im hurt. well. i think he is to be honest. i think i just like to make him look like even more of a bad guy than he is. isnt that nice of me. christ. i want this to end. i feel so mentally exhausted.
