October 9, 2000
Things have changed so much. i feel left out. again. ugh. it seems like what was once mine has been taken away from me. not an unfamilair feeling. i was prepared to share but now suddenly i feel differently. how is this possible. this is what i wanted isnt it? he didnt even look me in the face. sure it felt awkward at first but time had passsed. whats so different now? why cant it be the same? ugh.
i feel like shit. somehow this stuff always seems to make its way to my shoulders, weighing me down untill i look insanly unstable, paranoid and scared. which i am. am i scared of getting hurt of losing my love? but its already leaving, already hurting. maybe love is best viewed from afar. but i feel like that left me crying too.
i just want to smile again. i just want to feel that nice tingly excited feeling every time that i see him.
and so i cry.
