What's really happening?
Concert in Boston?
No? Crap. I have to get a refund
But I look forward to seeing you in that movie with Madonna
What's really happening?
Gisborne on New Years Day?
I hope so, it's costing me a fortune
My mothers operation can wait
What's really happening?
A sequel to 1.Outside you say?
I've been waiting for nearly 4 years now
If you lost the tapes just tell us already.
At least one thing was certain. On February 3rd David signed a contract to perform at Gisborne 2000 to bring in the new millenium in New Zealand. Being in this geographical place he would be one of the first, and appearing on stage at 12:01am he would be the first rock star to perform in the new year/century/millenium. Tickets ranged from $400 to $600, and as a result prostitution in New Zealand skyrocketed.
On the 16th he was performing live again, this time with Placebo at the Brit awards. They played '20th Century Boy', a T-Rex number. Nobody told David he had gotten the placebo, and as such he gave scientists a real giggle, the placebo being science's 'practical joke'.
This television exposure sure as hell wouldn't be his last this year. He exposed himself many many times on television. Next, in March, came the filming of 'The Hunger' TV series in Montreal. David would host a number of the episodes (directed by Tony Scott, of the original Hunger fame) and appear in a full length episode called 'Sanctuary' portraying an artist obsessed with the macabre. Unfortunately the series would only ever be shown in a remote villiage in North-East Alaska.
Bowie again exposed himself on Comic Relief. He at least did it in a comic way, but notheless concerned parents were getting a little worried at this amount of exposure.
On March 30th it was another performance, this time at Irving Plaza in New York. Once again the scientists gave him the Placebo, and this time they performed 'Without You I'm Nothing' and '20th Century Boy'. With this amount of Placebo collaboration it was time to consumate their relationship in the studio. There they recorded 'Without You I'm Nothing' together with Tony Visconti producing. Bowie was starting to become suspicious of this whole Placebo thing - 'I'm not getting any better!' he'd exclaim while the scientists giggled and chortled.
At around this time he was also in the studio with Reeves Gabrels cooking up something Non-Nathan Adlerish.
Berklee College of Music. It was here at the Hynes Convention Centre in Boston that David was bestowed his honorary doctorate degree and gave an inspirational commencement speech to graduates and parents on May 9th. 'I just want to tell you all that success is more a matter of luck and back-stabbing than education. You people sure have wasted a lot of time and money here. You could have been out selling your bodies, or dealing drugs. Poor dumb bastards. You make me sick. Give me my doctorate.' That new speech writer still hadn't been organised yet.
And so it was on to new frontiers. This time in the form of computer games. Not only did Bowie and Gabrels contribute the soundtrack to the work-in-progress game 'Omikron : The Nomad Soul', David, Iman and a bunch of other Bowie-related people appeared in the game. He also signed of for the highly anticipated 'Omikron Kart Racing'.
Meanwhile June became exposure month for David, with 'Everybody Loves Sunshine' premiering on cable TV, and 'The Hunger' series starting in remote Alaska. Pye released 'I Dig Everything : The 1966 Pye Singles'. Nobody Dug it, except to dig a big pit to bury it in.
By July the expected ticket sales for Gisborne was 30,000. The actual ticket sales were 7. David could feel a cold starting to come on, and anyway, he was truly busy trying to get Iman pregnant. He was at it every spare minute. On the 9th August he finally withdrew from Gisborne, and on the 10th he withdrew from Iman.
Evidence of a bunch of new songs were appearing everywhere. First the Omikron game, and now the soundtrack to the film 'Stigmata' which contained 'All The Pretty Things Are Going To Hell'. The internet was full of them and some guy called Blokko was selling them from his corner deli. Wierdly, some began to appear before they were even written or recorded.
On August 23rd the VH1 'Storytellers' David Bowie episode was taped. Bowie sang some of his songs, included his newest, 'Thursday's Child' while telling stories about his herpes, genital warts, haemorrhoids and bowel movements. The Chili Bean story was a show stopper, in that the producers had to stop the show and tell David to tone it down a bit.
Around the time of the single release of 'Thursdays Child' David went frantic exposing himself. He appeared at the MTV Video Awards, Letterman, Modern Rock Live radio, Top of the Pops, Saturday Night Live, MuchMusic Awards Show, Conan O'Brien, TFI Friday, performed in Dublin and at Wembley stadium, and just about everywhere else. Nobody could escape Bowie, changing the channel was useless, he was on all stations, he was playing centre court at Wimbeldon, he was presenting the weather, holding press conferences from the White House, arresting punks on Cops. Yet people would still ask - David Bowie? Isn't he that Major Tom Dude?
On October 4th and 5th his new album was brought out in the UK and USA respectively. Titled 'hours...' it had two too many fullstops. Appearing on the album were Reeves Gabrels (lead and rhythm guitar), Mark Plati (bass) and Mike Levesque (drums). The album was produced by Bowie and Gabrels.
New York Times - I have to hand it to David...and he should bloody well get up and get it himself.
New Musical Express - Too many fullstops. I didn't listen to the album, I'm just sick to death of these typographical errors.
On 14th October David was awarded the 'Chevalier des Arts et Letters' medal in France for not bringing Tin Machine back. The French showed their appreciation by making those throaty 'hauhauahau' French noises.
Then it was on to the next phase in exposing himself. Instead of touring Bowie had decided to expose himself on every television and radio program on the planet as well as holding a concert here and there. He exposed himself at/in Elysee Montmartre, Vienna, Spanish TV, Nulle Part Ailleurs, The Mark & Lard Show, Italy's FrancaMente Me Ne Infischio, Virgin Radio IK, WB Radio Music Awards, Rockline, The Priory, The Kit Kat Club in New York, The Rosie O'donnel Show, Milan, Copenhagen, London, Musique Plus, Jools Holland Show and The Big Breakfast. He also exposed himself at Some Guys Flat, Engleton Street Public Restrooms, Oxford Train Station and Hartford Elementary School.
It was a blitz the likes the world had never seen before, and Bowie was always one step ahead of the police.