To all those at Fighting Back:
Thank you so very much for seeing a need and working to help others avoid the pain and tears they have or might encounter online from men who play hurtful games, and also to help those who have been hurt know that they are not alone.
We all know that this web site is not about the men who just come on to us with the "hey, baby" stuff. We can laugh at that and go on. It is about the men WHO endear themselves to others ... many others ... at the same time ... and often. They weave their magic threads through our emotions and bring a joy that we thought we had forgotten. It is not the cute flirts or the men who just gross us out, but the charmers who are believed and trusted who hurt us. You know who confidence men are? Today we just call them con men, but the term con man comes from what people used to call a confidence man -- one who won you over, gained your confidence, and then left with the goods. That is who, in my opinion, Fighting Back warns about. I see the value in the Fighting Back site, and the well of knowledge that it offers, and the comfort it can sometimes provide.
And I want to thank you for a site that will help me, educate me, protect me and other women if we will only read and listen to the warnings that are shared freely with us for no other reason than to help us know and learn, and for that I thank every woman who has taken their time to share their experiences with all of us.
This is a place for women ... to share, to express themselves. I know that getting what happened to each of them out of their system helps them and others, too. I want all online sisters to know about this site ... there are so many who don't know and could be helped by it. I hear the pain of so many women who desperately need to know what this site offers. It was a stranger in a chatroom who mailed me the URL and for that I am so grateful.

[ PLEASE HELP US TO REACH MORE WOMEN by also listing our web site to your home page, on your profile, etc. and cut down the size of the players' playground (the internet) due to informed women. The FB Staff ]

There ARE people out there who are sociopaths -- people who will do anything just to get what they want. They have no morals, they don't have the same standards that you and I have. The main downfall of many of us is that women sometimes tend to project who they are into the other person ... they expect because they would never hurt another person in an abusive way, that others would feel the same way, when in fact that is not reality.

STORY WE RECEIVED THAT REPRESENTS THE ABOVE STATEMENT: There ARE people out there who are sociopaths...

I have a story to share too, a very embarrassing one. I met a guy, Charlie, in a 40s chat room who said he was from Massachusetts and single. We chatted often for the next couple of months and I fell for him hook, line, and sinker. In short, he knew all the right words to say -- how to capture a woman's heart. I'm married and never have cheated on my husband, but this guy made me feel young again ... and desirable. You see, I'm 44 and he was 31. He said the age difference was "meaningless to him", that he had always been drawn to older women and that "true love had no barriers". His emails and IMs were so loving and poetic. We never talked on the phone because he had had surgery on his vocal cords for the removal of cysts and could only talk for a very short spell and then his voice would start cracking. He would tell me what a wonderful woman I was: a wonderful mother, a wonderful wife -- that my husband wasn't deserving of me, that he wanted to give me the life and beautiful home I was deserving of, etc. With his urging me to do it and his promise of marriage (I was to come and live with him during the divorce proceedings), I was about to ask my husband for a divorce when I got an IM from a woman who told me that CHARLIE WAS REALLY A CHARLENE!!! That this she/he had also conned her. Of course, I didn't believe her. I didn't want to. But then I had to believe it, face the awful truth, for that woman then had this she/he's ex-husband email me in which he told me that his ex-wife was a mental case and a lesbian who constantly pretends to be a man with many online OLDER women, often talking them into leaving their husbands and then, AND ONLY THEN, revealing that she is really a woman. I never felt so stupid, so embarrassed, so ashamed, so heartsick in my life. So it's not just sleazy players that we have to watch out for, but also people like this. NEVER trust any picture you get because she sent me a pic of a man saying it was her. Be careful. She's out there somewhere under another man's screen name playing her sick game.

I met this man by an IM in a chat room. And then every time I was on, I couldn't avoid him. Within 2 days he was claiming to be madly in love with me, telling me we would be married on January 1, then backing it up to September ... demanding that I tell him I loved him too. Then he asked for forgiveness because he had to tell me the truth...he WAS married and had 5 children. When I told him that I couldn't handle his rapid rise to romance, he told me if I "left him and broke his heart, he would shoot me!!!" I have never figured whether that was a joke or not, hopefully it was just a phrase. Ron lives in Indiana, says he is a "large" man, is very demanding, possessive, and wants many promises and insists upon them. Beware of this man. He appears to be a time-bomb waiting to go off. I got out of this one in a short time but not without a couple of good scares from him! Just beware, ladies. He is a Nam vet, says 30-some years of marriage have been very unhappy, wants a woman that will live with him as his wife and not work -- just stay in the house and "be his". Is that a normal man? He just wants to isolate, control, and OWN a woman.

ONE WOMAN'S TWO STORIES

Since I practice a 'nontraditional' religion, I put a personal ad in an AOL religion area. It was answered by a man, Jack, from Muscle Beach, Ala who said he was a truck driver, divorced, late 40's, with the same interests as mine. We talked online for hours, then more hours on the phone. Gifts were exchanged, letters, postcards, daily phone calls (all at his expense). Oddly, there was no cyber or phone sex, just hugs and kisses, but still a very heavy romance, including marriage plans. I ate it up! Then, quite suddenly, it all stopped. I later found out I was only one of many -- that he bought the 'gifts' and postcards in quantity, and tired very quickly of his 'online girlfriends'. I was brokenhearted when he broke it off, but being a survivor, I managed.

Next was Michael from Kansas, a retired Army Lt. Col., a pilot, probably around 50, and seemingly involved in some sort of spy game or something. He was a world traveler, as well as extensive domestic travel. Whatever else, he is brilliant, good-looking, and a complete liar. We chatted frequently, no cyber sex. He called occasionally, sent many pictures, including his airplane (with ID number displayed). After almost 6 months, I met him in a nearby city. He was pleasant, but was so 'vanilla' -- no sparks, no interest in anyone but himself. I broke it off afterward. Later, by pure chance, I found out he was a player, had many gals on line and off. One that I knew flew halfway across the country to visit him and she footed the bill. My opinion: he is after money, talks of international 'investments', etc., and loses interest unless a woman has big bucks. I also found out he was exposed by one of his girlfriends -- she posted a screen name similar to his, with his home address, telephone numbers, WIFE's name (yeah!) and as much personal information as she could. He's gone from AOL, I think. Good riddance!

PLAYERS PAWNS IN THE CHATROOMS:

This player uses women in another way. Jim keeps a select cadre of women he would never consider having sex with because they don't appeal to him for one reason or another. These women he uses as his "references". Whenever news of his latest depredations becomes public, these women 'circle the wagons'. He has been nice to them, he has supported them in hard times, he has never been anything but honest and open with them. They know, as does everyone, what a flirt he is -- so where is the harm, where is the foul? It's inconceivable to them that he can treat them so well and yet treat other women so badly. He says aloud he flirts with everyone. What they do not believe, or accept, even when faced with the facts, is that he treats some women "in private" as though they are different, special, separate from the ones he just flirts with in the chat rooms -- that they are "the" special one.

ENTRY FROM OUR GUESTBOOK: I have seen many women hurt badly (literally damaged in heart, mind, and spirit!) by the psychotic, conscienceless type of animal you're exposing here, and what bugs me most about players being able to dupe their victims is the WOMEN WHO DEFEND THEM!!! You try to alert or warn someone of one you know to be a vicious predator, and they or others defend them! They think they are different -- that he "really loves" them". It would be laughable if it were not so deadly sad. The player in question will also attack you vehemently whenever you enter a chatroom or your name comes up. Guess they feel the best defense is a good offense! So ladies, PLEASE!, listen to your online sisters; they know of what they speak!

INPUT FROM A MALE VISITOR:I feel it incumbent upon me to make my position very clear as regards to a subtle, yet nevertheless insidious, form of abuse by certain males. This is not always violent (to be sure), but is hurtful, malevolent, and maleficent. I, of course, am speaking of "players" who ply their talents of seduction and persuasion for their own selfish purposes whilst at the same time making sure they have a cadre of women who defend and protect them from exposure and condemnation.

[ Ladies, please think twice before attacking an online sister in a chat room. You don't know the whole story ... you don't know what transpired in IMS, or private chat room meetings, or real life meetings. Just keep in mind: "Where there's smoke, there's fire". The FB Staff ]

I would like to recommend that when women see a man in a chat room that they know is a player, working his phony charms on another woman, that they send the woman a warning IM. Several of us have started doing this and it is working. There are some very nice men out there, but the players should be exposed. If you feel like he has secrets, then he probably does. Our strongest weapon is our intuition, we need to trust it. We all want to feel loved and cared for, but never give back more than you receive; there is plenty of time for that after the ring is on your finger.

ENTRY FROM OUR GUESTBOOK:
I too have been the unfortunate victim of a player. Unlike others, my friends in chat had warned me ahead of time. But as usually happens, I told them I had it all under control and that I knew what was going on. Stupidly I thought he wouldn't do that to me ... WRONG. He did, and still continues to do it to others. I have tried to warn others, but like me, they also ignore my advice. He is a work of art.

My first experience with an online romance did not turn out well, but at least it taught me some valuable lessons. His name is Richard and he's still very much involved with his 3rd ex. They've supposedly been divorced for 6 years, at least that is what he told me. I do not know what the game is for sure (I have my own theory), but the two of them work together. She follows him into the chatrooms and helps him to get other women interested in him. Mostly the Fab 50's, Divorced, and Over 40 rooms are used. They are from the Kansas City, KS/MO area. He likes to call women 'girls' and once he talks with you on IM, he will call you "babe". He'll state that he wants to put whipped cream on you and lick it off. LOL He is very much into wavs and even records his own. He might mention that he has congestive heart failure. True or not, I don't know.
Yes, we met. I was too naive at first and believed him when he said he and his ex were only friends. It was after he came here to meet my family that I started paying attention to how close he still was with the ex. The so-called ex telephoned him 2 to 3 times a day.
The real problems started AFTER I broke off with him. The ex started stalking me online and even sent me threatening regular US mail which I turned over to the Postmaster (the ex got my address from him). Why the ex would harass me after I broke off with him is weird to say the least -- unless there was an ulterior motive which involved how much money I happen to have, that question was asked by him early on. Keep alert at all times. Both of them are still on AOL, plus they can't be the only con artist team working the chat rooms.

RE: CYBER-PLAYERS

Luckily I have never been interested in Chat Rooms and have learned quickly to turn off my IMs, after getting Loser after Loser, wanting to talk Sex after a couple of min. But I do have plenty of bad experiences with Internet dating and am fed-up with all the lies and deceit that these Men think they can get away with! I have met 4 Guys who were NOT the Person in the Photo and plenty of others who were 10 years older, shorter, etc. then what they claimed to be! As we have found out the hard way, there are tons of Men in Relationships looking for fun on the side, unbeknown to their Mates, or Wives. I accidentally stumbled on a Sexual Dating Site, being mislead by the word friend, in Adultfriendfinder, (my mistake I guess...lol!) After spending hours completing my Profile, I found that just about every Guy on there was taken and looking for every kinky act in the book and of course...NO strings Sex, with anything that moves, including Couples, Men, Group Sex, you name it!

After years of interacting with the Male Species, I have come to the sad conclusion that they are, for the most part, incapable of Monogamy. The fact that 56% of self-proclaimed "happily married Men" cheat, says it all! Research shows that a total of 79% of Males in Relationships (married or not) go outside their Relationship for sexual gratification, instead of being loyal to their Mate. Men no longer take their marriage vows seriously and think that it is their prerogative to "have their Cake and eat it too"!

Thank you for your Site! It's about time we beat them at their own game!