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More of Shenez's Poetry (Melancholy)

I WAKE IN THE MORNING
AND SEE A STRANGER IN THE MIRROR.
I HAVE FEARED THE DAY
OF BEING SOMEONE I'M NOT.

I FEEL HATRED...
HATRED TOWARD THOSE
THAT I ONCE LOVED.
WHY DO I FEEL THIS EMPTINESS?
NO ONE CAN ANSWER THIS!

I'M TIRED.
I'M SICK.
I'M ANGRY.
I'M FRUSTRATED.
I'M FUCKED!

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
THIS IS NOT ME!
WHO IS THIS?
WHO IS ME?
WHERE IS THE REAL ME?
AM I SCARED...
HIDING?

RUNNING.

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF NOT
BEING ABLE TO BE WHO I WANT TO BE.
I WANT TO LOVE.
I WANT TO BE LOVED.
BUT HOW CAN I LOVE
WHEN I DON'T LOVE MYSELF?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I SEE EMPTINESS...
NOT BLACKNESS.
THERE IS NOTHING.
IT IS COLD.
FREEZING.
NO SOUND.
NO ONE AROUND.
YET, I FEEL FREE.
I FEEL WHOLE.
I FEEL COMPLETE.
IS THIS HAPPINESS?
WHEN WILL I KNOW?
MAYBE THIS IS HEAVEN...
OR HELL.
MAYBE THIS IS LIFE.
WHEN WILL I KNOW?

I HAVE NO MEMORY...
NO THOUGHTS OF THE PAST.
AM I ME?
WHEN WILL I KNOW?

NEVER!
copyright 1997





I have no friends
But
The world is my enemy.

My eyes are hallow
I see nothing.
My heart is empty
I feel nothing.
My brain is dead
I think nothing.


Why am I feeling nothing??
Whe me??
Why at such a young age??


No one can answer,
Except He, Himself.

I am waiting...
Waiting for what??
I do not know.
But when it occurs,
or whatever He answers,
I'll be at peace with All.
copyright 1993





The future was once clear
With happy faces
and laughter being heard.

Now the future is not.
There is just darkess.
No fears. No feelings.
No thoughts. No competition.
No relatives. No friends. No pets.
No highway. No sky. No colors.
No literature. No technology.
No classes. No school. No grades.
No people. No failures. No successes.
No happiness. No sadness. No enemies.
No world. No me!

i wish i could scream.
All the anger and frustration
has to escape some way.
i can't keep it inside.
It hurts too much.

i wish i could hit the wall.
One good punch...
Or two...or three...
And i would feel relieved.
This pain has to go!

i wish i could kill myself.
My life would not exist.
The world would go on...
And possibly be a better place.
I would be free!
copyright 1998






My thoughts race out of control.
Confusion running through my head.
I don't know how to feel.
Someone...HELP!
I am screaming inside.
Waiting for relief.
When will it come?
I can't take it much longer.
My world is no longer there.
I am alone...in a dark pit.
Only darkness to see.
Am I in Hell?
Lord, please, help me!
I need you now.
Give me the strength and the will
To make it through this.
With you, all things are possible.
copyright 1998




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