If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, you're aiming way too high.

Men are like linoleum - if you lay it right the first time, you can walk over it forever.

Needing a man is like needing a parachute - if he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

PMS: Something women get once a month and men have all the time.

Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home - he probably lies about other things too.

Men are like coolers - pack them full of beer and you can take them anywhere.

A women's work that is never done is the stuff that she asked her husband to do.

If you want a nice man, go for a bald one - they try harder.

I used to go for older men because they're more mature. Then I realized that men don't mature - go for a young one.

"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
~ R. A. Heinlein (Can you believe that this was written by a man? ~ Editors)

Men are all the same - they just have different faces for variety.

Definition of a man with manners - he gets out of the shower to pee.

Men are like children - they're fine if they're someone else's.

Whenever you meet a man who would be a good husband, he usually is.

Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men - one woman.

There are a lot of words you could use to describe men - strong, caring, loving - they'd be wrong, but you could use them.

Men are like animals - messy, insensitive, potentially violent - but they make great pets.

The male brain is like the prison system - not enough cells per man.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't, and stop.

Women prefer the simple things in life....like men.

Boys will be boys, but someday girls will be women.

Women only want to have a child, not marry one.

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.

The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.

Boys will be boys, but men are better at it.

What do you call a man who's lost 98% of his brain? A widower.

They put one man on the moon. Why can't they put them all there?

When men call us bird names (chicks), is that because of all the worms we pick up?

The problem with men is that they spend too much time thinking with the wrong head.

Most women realize that any man that knows more then three lovemaking positions has to be rated as an imaginative lover.

Behind every successful man is an amazed mother-in-law.

Overheard: "I have a man I can never trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even sure that the baby I'm carrying is his!"