I'm going to include the "You might be at ADVANCE" jokes here, in the form of a quiz. You might be an ADVANCEr if...
These are a colaborative effort of the past two years. Just about everyone who knew about them contributed something. These are the Brainchild of Nikki Dandurand (94-98) and myself. This year Christina Albritton, Ashley Flanagan, Stacy Dickerman, Kate Perkins, and Katie Barrilleaux made major contribuations.This page is also dedicated in part to them. Also, I will include the oh-so-annoying 12 Days of ADVANCE. Want to annoy your RA-try singing these everywhere you walk. These too, are Nikki and mine's product of boredom (and think, we were in the same RA group two years in a row... 1.Are your choises for attire tie-dye, tie-dye, tie-dye or an X-files shirt?
2.Can you rent out your dorm room as an oven or refridgerator?
3.Has your jello fermented?
4.Do you have to render your sausage unconscious?
5.Have you competed in national ERF championships?
6.Do you think ADVANCEball and Volleyball are synonoyms?
7.Have your voices formed a democracy?
8.Do your voices have voices?
9.Do you think PDA means Please Display Affection?
10.Do you think that RA stands for Really Aggravated?
11.Do you think that PA system stands for Public annoyance system?
12.Are you prepared to mortally assail anyone who attempts to change the channel from X-files?
13.Do you know Carl Sagan's life history but have no idea who the vice president is?
14.Do you think spinning is a dance?
15.Can you headbang to Night swimming? Add one point if you actually have.
16.Can you beat a whirling dervish in a spinning contest?
17.Do you know all the words to "End of the World?" Subtract one point if you've never heard the song.
18.Have you started a petiton to make "The Chicken Song" the nationl anthem?
19.Do you think a rubber chicken makes an ideal pet? Add one point if you have one.
20.Do you think that the four major food groups are cereal, ice cream, soft drinks, and pizza? One point for each that applies.
21.Can your boyfriend do his nails better than you can?
22.Do you consider electiric orange and neon green essential make-up colors? Add one point if your boyfriend does.
23.Do you get offended if you are called normal?
24.Are the words that best describe you studious, eccentric, intellegent, and "special?" One point for each that applies.
25.Do you know 100 ways to exicute a choke hold and 101 ways to get out of one?
26.Are you taking Creative Writing with electives in Martial Arts and Beck? Add one point for each that applies.
27.Does your sausage move but your jello doesn't?
28.Do you know the significance of the numbers 1121 and 1013? Add one point if you have never watched an X-files episode.
29.Have you debated the Words to "End of the World?" Add one point if you won the argument.
30.Do you hear the words "End of the World" in any context, and your first thought is of an REM song, not the appoclypse?
31.Do you regard multiple ID tags as a status symbol?
32.Do you know the meaning of MKSTS? Add one point if you came to ADVANCE after she left. Add one more point if you know what each initial stands for.
33.Do you eat your mashed potatoes by the slice?
34.Is there a boy and a girl in a dark room and they are discussing physics.Add one point if this is you.
35.Is your Dr. Pepper Clear while your Sprite lathers?
36.Is your greatest accomplishments is finding the ADVANCE ball or being the first one in the SAC (or you know someone who this applies too)?
37.Does clean, dry laundry call for a major celebration?
38.Are you pissed off at Tie-dye restrictions?
39.Have you ever considered putting "The American Federation of Tray Wenches" under organizations your belong to on your resume?
40.You have been accused of one of the following crimes (or know someone who has):
(add one point for each that apply) Laundry fraud violation of the Leash law abuse of a Tray wench assaulting the salt faliure to drink water
41.Does punishment for any of the following result in having to wear the cape of shame and serenade people with the Titanic song?
42.Do you think Transvestite Night is a national holiday? Add one point if you participated or know someone who participated in it.
43.Are you mad that number 42 had nothing to do with "The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy." Add one point if you have read it.
44.Do you affectionatly refer to a friend as Easy Cheese?
45.Do you know at least 10 ways to kill someone with an ID string?
46.Do you take great pleasure in insulting people in obsure languages?
47.Do you kow who Die Shlumph are? Add one point if you can spell or pronounce it.
48.Do the words Coon Girl remind you of someone you just met?
49.Can you quote the Hitchiker's Guide? Add one point if more than four people can quote in chorus with you.
50.Do you get pissed off if they play "End of the World" at the wrong time?
51.Can you list Discordianism or "Cult of Bob" under religious affliction? Also add one point if you can list something equally as unusual.
Grading Scale:
74-54 TRUE ADVANCER
You're an ADVANCEr at heart. You generally spend nine months out of the year pining for it. Your last year or your last year of ADVANCE is one of the most depresseing experiences you can imagine.
53-43 SLIGHTLY ECENTRIC BY CONVENTIONAL STANDARDS
Perhaps you're an uninformed first-yearer or something. If you work on your eccentric habits you may be a "True ADVANCEr" by your fifth year.
42-25 STRANGLY NORMAL
If you made a 42 give yourself one point. You must have somehow subconsciously manipulated the data. Otherwise, start investigating other alleys. You're not completly hopeless, but then again, i'm being optimistic. You might look into Camp Discovery as a training program.
24-10 Conformist
This is the point at which Mother Theresa gives up. You fit into ADVANCE like a cheerleader fits into a mosh pit. You might look into The NSU cheerleading camp. There may be openings for people like you.
10-0 ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
By ADVANCE standards, you're more boring than watching the grass grow. By conventional standards you're detacched-at best. You would have an extremly hard time talking to the True ADVANCERs-You might as well be speaking different languages.
OK, now that you know if you are a true ADVANCEr, lets see if you have the patience to bear 12 days of ADVANCE!!
12 DAYS OF ADVANCE
On the ____ day of ADVANCE, my RA gave to me
12. Cans of Ne-hi
11. Cold Pizzas
10. Calls for lights out
9. Freezing Showers
8. Flat ADVANCE balls
7. Dead Roomates
6. Games of Rat Screw
5. Tie-dyed shirts
4. Flying Frisbies
3. Squirming meals
2. Dirty Looks
and an ID on an or'nge string!
Everyone has their own ADVANCE quotes, including me. Here are a couple of my favorites.
"But I don't want to be around Mad People!"
"Oh, you can't help that, we're all mad here."
"Bob saves his followers-in case he's hungry later."
"The End of the World will occur at 3PM this Friday, with the symposium to follow."
"Excuse me sir, but when can we be rid of you?"
"Well, this is a Nifty little something i can't identify."
"Into the Woods!"
"I guess this is growing up!"
"Its the End of the World as we know it, and i feel fine."
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