Itsumademo Ai (Forever Love)

Chapter 1 – Coming to Terms

Tai lay in bed, not able to get to sleep.  It was around one in the morning, but something was on his mind.  That something was actually someone and that someone was Matt.  It had been about a month since they returned from the digital world, and Matt had been foremost in his thoughts.  Tai thought about all the fighting they had done, but he also thought about the times when they were close, VERY close.  He had felt something deeper than just friendship, something stronger.  Love perhaps?  He didn’t know, but he kind of hoped Matt felt the same way, too.  “Why?” Tai whispered.  “Why am I having these feelings about Matt? Am I gay? What’s the matter with me?”  The more Tai thought about it, the more depressed he became.  It was getting worse every day.  He could barely concentrate on anything else.  All he could think of is how badly he wanted Matt in his arms.  Or rather, he wanted to be in Matt’s arms.  He wanted Matt to hold him and comfort him.  He had felt safe when Matt was around in the digital world.  But he just couldn’t shake the feeling that it was wrong.  It went against everything he was ever taught.  He was so confused.  “I have to get to sleep,” Tai sighed.  But, it would be another hour before he finally drifted off, thinking of Matt.

“TAI KAMIYA,” his mother yelled, “GET UP THIS INSTANT!”

Tai jerked up, yanked from the arms of his lover.  “Damnit,” he said, “I was just getting to the good part.”  He blushed several shades of red when he realized of whom he was dreaming.  But it was so wonderful.  ‘No Tai, quit this queer thinking.  You have to.’  But it was easier said than done.  He sighed and his sleepy eyes fell upon the clock. “Shit, only got ten minutes to get to school.”  He threw on some clothes, but didn’t bother to comb that wild hair.  He ran out of his room.  “Did Kari leave already?”  He asked his mother hurriedly.

“Yes.  She left ten minutes ago to go see if TK wanted to walk with her to school.  I tried to wake you, but you just laid there.”

“Oh, sorry.  Bye mom!”  Tai kissed his mother and shot out of the door.  As he ran to school, he thought about TK.  ‘Hmm…TK.  Matt’s brother.  He’s cute, but his brother is so hot.’  Tai blushed, not from running, but from thinking that way about Matt.  ‘TK and Kari would make a cute couple anyway.’

He arrived at school only a minute late.  He got to homeroom and sat down.  Behind him, a girl spoke. “Hey, decided to sleep in today?”

Tai turned around to his best friend and said, “Hey Sora.  No, just couldn’t sleep last night.”

“Oh” was all she said.  She sensed something was different about him, but shrugged it off.

Tai turned back around and blushed again.  He just couldn’t tell her WHY he couldn’t sleep last night.

Sora took out a sheet of paper and began to write Tai a letter.  Just as she finished the letter, the first period bell rang.  As Tai got up, Sora tapped him on the back.  “Here, Tai, read this later when you have time.”

“Ok.  See you later, Sora.”

“Bye,” she said, as her heart pounded in her chest.  This would be the day when she would tell Tai of her feelings for him.  She couldn’t wait.  She just knew he felt the same about her.  She had it all planned out.  They would go to that place in the park and talk and, if she were lucky, make out, then they’d go out to dinner with the rest of the guys to celebrate.  They would be so happy together.  It was perfect, or so she thought.

~*~

When he got to first period, Tai looked at the letter.  He was afraid to open it, because he was afraid of what he would find written inside.  Sora and Tai were best friends, and he knew that Sora liked him since they were kids.  So that complicated things for Tai even more.  ‘I don’t want to hurt Sora, but I think I like Matt, but I don’t want to be gay, I just…just…’ Tai fought back tears and swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat.

“Is everything alright, Mr. Kamiya?”  Tai’s teacher asked him, snapping him back to reality.

“Oh y-yes Mr. Fuyako.  Uh, could I be excused to the restroom?

“You know my restroom policy, Mr. Kamiya, but go on just this once.”  Mr. Fuyako could see that something had upset Tai, so he went easy on him.

Tai entered the restroom.  He went into a stall and opened the letter.  It said:

Tai—

Hey, what’s up?  Are you feeling ok?  I hope you are.  I need to talk to you about something important.  Please meet me at my locker after school and then we can go somewhere and talk. Talk to you later!

Sora

“Could this be the day…?  I don’t know what I am going to do.  If this is what I think it is, how can I tell her I’m not interested and that I like Matt?  Especially when I don’t even know if I like him like that or if he feels the same way.”  He just couldn’t see himself with another guy.  It was wrong.  Tai came out of the stall and stood at the sink.  He looked in the mirror and his eyes narrowed.  “What the hell is wrong with you, Kamiya?  Don’t you know how wrong all of this is?  Why can’t you just stop thinking about him?”  His eyes softened as he thought of the answer.  “Because you can’t let go; you love him and you know you do.”  Tai realized at that moment his true feelings for Matt.  He could no longer suppress them.  Tai started to cry.  He didn’t think he could take much more of this.  The only time he saw Matt at school was at lunch when all the digidestined—minus TK and Kari, of course—sat at the same table.  They made small talk during that time, but it was awkward.  They never talked outside of school.  Tai was going out of his mind.  He needed Matt.  He didn’t think Matt felt the same way towards him, because Matt never approached him.  Tai went back into the stall and tried to calm down.  When he stopped crying, he came out and went back to the sink to wash his face.  That’s when the door to the restroom opened and in walked Matt.  Tai gasped and blushed furiously as he saw Matt in the mirror.