Title: You Know You Watch Too Much Disney When...
Author: Misako Hashiba
Pairings: 3x5
Categories: yaoi, general silliness, sweet death of Relena **yay!**, PETER PAN!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You Know You Watch Too Much Disney When...

“It’s got to be here somewhere, it’s just /got/ to be!” Trowa Pan
exclaimed as he rumaged around a plush room. There were three beds,
one with a canopy, three wardrobes and one large big screen tv. Trowa
turned to his companion. “Wu, where do /you/ think it is?”

Wu, better known as Wuffiebell, crossed his arms and huffed. “How
the hell should /I/ know?! It’s not /my/ shadow that was misplaced!”

“Alright, alright. Sorry I even asked...Sheesh.” He went back to
looking through one of the wardrobes.

While he was doing that, Wu decided to see if these people, who
were asleep, had any fun toys to play with. Spotting a stuffed tea
cup hanging off the side of the bed, Wu zoomed towards it, intent on
claiming the plushy for himself. Just as he was about to grab the
plush, Trowa found his shadow rolled up in a wardrobe drawer.

“A/HA/!” He shouted, which caused the owner of the tea cup
plushie to sit bolt upright, knocking Wuffiebell clear across the
room and smack dab into the side of the tv.

“What was /that/?!”

Trowa looked up to find a little blonde kid, hugging that
tea cup, staring straight at him. Quickly hiding his shadow
behind his back, he smiled nervously. “Um...Hello...”

“Who are you?” The kid asked.

“Well, I’m -”

“Why, it’s Trowa! Trowa Pan!”

The kid and Trowa swung their heads towards the new voice.
She had shoulder length brown hair and bright eyes. The kid
addressed her. “/Who/ is he, Cathy?”

“Simple, Quatre. He’s Trowa Pan. He comes from that Never
Never Land place.”

“Oh. COOL! Can we go visit? Can we, can we, can we??”

“Yeah! I wanna go toooo!!” The third occupant of the room
was now wide awake as the others.

Trowa smiled. “Sure! But the only way to Nev-”

“Wait a freakin’ /minute/ here!” Wuffiebell, finally recovered,
flew up to eye level with Trowa.

“What now, Wu?”

“They /can’t/ go with us!”

“And why not? It’s a free universe, ya know.”

“Duh. But they’re too young to deal with the /real/ name of the place!”

“Ooooooo and what would /that/ be??”

“Duo!” Cathy shouted.

“Whaaaaaaat? I’m just curious.” He turned back to Trowa and Wu.
“So, what /is/ the place really called??”

“Well,” Wu started. “it’s-”

“Wuffie...”

Wu ignored the warning. “It’s called Naughty Naughty Land.
Not. For. Children.” He crossed his arms

Trowa sighed and took in their reactions. Duo was grinning
broadly, Cathy was blushing, and Quatre had the look of
utmost confusion written all over his chubby little face.
“See, Wu? THAT’S why I didn’t want you to tell them!”

“Meh.” Wu just shrugged. “No flim off /my/ wings about it.”

“Now, now, boys. No need to fight.” Cathy walked up to and
stood between them. “Here’s the low down: We’ll call it
Never Never Land for Quatre’s sake and we ARE going with you.
Case closed.” She gave them “The Look” when they started to protest.

“Alright, fine.” Wuffie huffed. “You can go IF you find your
own damn transportation!”

Quatre slid out of his bed and walked over to Trowa,
tugging on his shirt hem. “Trowa-san, how do you actually
GET to Never Never Land?”

“Very simple. You fly.” He floated off the ground, flew a few
laps around the room and landed in the spot he was in before. “See?”

“That’s all well and good,” Duo pointed out. “but how are /we/
supposed to fly? We weren’t born with wings.”

“Ah! Thank you for reminding me! The key ingrediant to flying is...”

Wufei groaned. _Oh no! Not again!!_

“Pixie dust!” Snatching Wuffiebell by his feet from the air,
Trowa Pan waved him over the three kids, making sure
Wuffiebell’s dust fell on top of them.

“Do we hafta think happy thoughts now?” Quatre asked, eyes
wide with excitement.

“Nah, just believe you can do it.”

“But the story says-”

“Cathy, just /do/ it!” Duo said, already floating in the air.

“Ok, ok.” _I can do it, I can do it, I can do it.._ She looked down.
“I did it!”

“Me too!” Quatre was happily flying around the room, tea cup
plushy firmly in hand.

Trowa nodded to himself. “Great, now we can leave.” Floating up,
he flew over to the open window, Wuffiebell right beside him, and
hovered, waiting for the others to follow. Once everyone was
outside, Trowa led them all into the night.

* * * * * *

Ahh, the air was nice and crisp today. The deck to his boat
was nice and clean and his three clawed hook was polished to
mirror-like brilliance. _I’ll have to thank Mr. Yuy for that._ Captain J
strolled leasurely across the deck of his ship, The Jolly Gundam,
taking in the beautiful blue sea. Too bad it wasn’t to last long.
For right then:

“Cap’n! Bogies at three o’clock!”

“Well don’t just STAND there Mr. Yuy! Load the cannon!”

“Hai, Cap’n.”

As Mr. Yuy loaded the cannon, Captain J took out his telescope
and scoured the sky for the impending danger. He found it.
“I’ll get you THIS time Pan! FIRE!”

The cannon thunderd, rocking the ship as it launched the cannon
ball up into the sky. Foot by foot it moved itself closer to its target.

* * * * * *

“What was that?”

“Aw, it’s nothing, Cathy. Just a little ol’ cannon ball heading
straight for us.” Trowa answered.

“And I hope it hits you.” Wuffie added, muttering under his breath.

Cathy glared, but ignored him. “Why would there be a cannon
ball aimed at us? Is this an air raid?”

“Oh don’t worry. It’s aimed at me, not you.”

“Don’t worry? Don’t worry?! Some one’s trying to kill you and
you say ‘don’t worry’?!” She threw her hands up. “We should
go down there and sort this out /right now/!”

“I’ve a better idea.” Duo suggested. “Why don’t we get the hell
outta the way! I don’t feel like becoming a sitting duck during
hunting season thank you very much!”

Needless to say, everyone agreed and managed to dodge the ball
at the last minute. From there, Trowa lead them all to the treehouse
he lived in.

Walking up to the entrance, nothing more than a wooden door
hinged onto the edge of a hole in a very large tree, Trowa reached
for and turned the knob. Opening the door, he turned to the
three kids. “Guests first.”

Cathy smiled. “Thank you, Trowa.” She took a hold of Quatre’s
hand and the two of them entered the building.

“Thanks man!” Duo bounded past Trowa, zoomed past
Cathy and almost tripped over Quatre. “Sorry Quatre!”

“S’ok. You didn’t hurt me.”

The three took this time to look around. Nothing special really.
Just a few handmade wooden furniture, some thin rugs and
about four different doors at the other end of the living room.
Duo, being the ever curious boy he is, began scampering about
and looking in every possible drawer, container, nook and crannie
he could. Spotting a slightly open door, he quickly rushed over to
it and pushed it open. Just as he was about to enter, the shrill
voice of his sister stopped him dead in his tracks.

“DUO!” He turned to her. “How /dare/ you go snooping in someone
else’s room!”

“Awww, but Caaaaaathyyyyyyy!”

“NO!”

“Ok, ok.” He shut the door and walked back over to the others.

Wuffiebell watched, from his perch on Trowa’s shoulder, as Duo
scuttered about the room. Thankfully, that witch, Cathy, had stopped
him before he could snoop around his and Trowa’s room. He would
have had to kill him if he had.

“Who would like some drinks?” Trowa asked, already closing the gap
between himself and the kitchen.

“Ooo! Ooo! I would!!” Quatre, with a hand raised high in the air and
bouncing, shouted.

“Alright. Anyone else?” Duo and Cathy shook their heads ‘no’.
“I’ll be right back.” He stepped into the kitchen, while Wuffiebell
flew off his shoulder to hover near the center of the room.

“I suppose you ought to sit down. Heaven forbid you /stand/
all the time.” Wuffie stated.

Their guests gratefully took thier seats on the large wooden sofa
that sat along one wall. Wuffie took in their expressions. The
blonde, after an experimental bounce, pouted because the sofa
wasn’t bouncy enough, the one called Duo was restless. Obviously
wanting to explore the house more and the witch was staring
‘discreetly’ at the kitchen door. _She’d better not lay a /hand/
on MY man!_ He thought angrily.

Soon, Trowa returned with two large drinks and, what looked like,
one very small one. He handed one of the large ones to Quatre,
then gave the tiny one to Wuffiebell.

“Thanks.” Wuffie took the drink, glaring over the edge at Cathy as
he sipped.

“Thanks Trowa-san!” Quatre settled the tea cup plushie in his lap
and held his glass with both hands.

Cathy, while looking about the quiet little house, just realized
something that had been bothering her from the moment Trowa
had opened the door. Clearing her throat, she asked “Trowa?
Where are the Lost Boys? I thought they lived here with you.”

“Ah, well you see-”

“They got lost.”

“Wuffiebell!” Cathy turned her disapproving glare on the pintsized
fairy. “It’s /rude/ to interrupt people when they’re talking.”

Wuffiebell rolled his eyes and flew over to sit on his favorite perch:
Trowa’s shoulder. “I don’t take orders OR lectures from /women/.”
He growled.

“Well!” She huffed, then sat back in her seat to sulk.

* * * * * *

“/Why/ are we doing this again, Cap’n?”

“*sigh* Because, Mr. Yuy, by kidnapping the Cheif’s daughter we
can lure Trowa Pan over to us and we can kill him! It’s all very simple.
Now keep rowing!”

Grumbling silently to himself, Mr. Yuy continued to row the boat
toward Deathscythe Island. _What a stupid name for an island._
He thought moodily. Casting a glance at their captive, who sat tied
in front of him, he noticed the look she was giving him.
“Quit staring at me.”

“No. Works like you /deserve/ to be stared at. Besides, it’s not
/every/ day a very handsome man kidnaps you from your teepee.”
She winked, then giggled, missing the disgusted look he gave her.

“Mr. Yuy! Stop trying to befriend the captive!”

“Hai, Cap’n.”

Turning to face said captive, Captain J pasted the sweetest smile
he could muster onto his face. “My dear Relena Lily. Don’t take
this the wrong way but....YOU’RE REPUSLIVE! Now shut up
or I’ll scrunch your lips with my hook!” He held up the hook
menacingly.

“eep!” She promptly shut her mouth. As soon as the man’s
back was turned, she went back to staring at Mr. Yuy.

* * * * * *

_Go awaaaaaaaay!!!_ Cathy smothered her head with her pillow.
It didn’t help. _THAT’S it! Who ever is knocking on the door is
/dead/!_ Yanking back the covers, she threw on her robe, well
borrowed robe, and stompped angrily out of the room and over
to the front door. Grabbing the knob, she slamed the door open
and death-glared the person standing there. “What the /hell/ do you want?!”

A blonde-haired young man stared cooly back at her. “Good morning.
You are hearby cordially invited....wait that’s not right.” He checks
the paper in his hand. “Oh yes, here we are. I have come on behalf
of Chief Kushrenada.”

“So what?”

“So...his daughter’s been kidnapped and he needs
Trowa Pan to rescue her.”

Sighing heavily, Cathy said “Fine. Wait here and I’ll get
Mr. Popular for you.” Not bothering with early morning curtesy, she
slammed the door in his face and made her way over to Trowa’s room.
Without knocking, she opened the door and....stopped dead in her
tracks. _What the...?_ There, in Trowa’s bed was some strange
looking, black haired person! _Well,_ She thought. _Maybe it’s one
of the lost boys. He probably had a scary dream and Trowa let him
sleep in here tonight._ She almost believed herself. It was then,
she noticed two things: 1. the covers were bunched up near the
foot of the bed and 2. both boys were naked. Cathy did the only thing
a well-brought up, wholesome girl of her stature would do. She
screamed bloody murder.

“What in the world is that /awful/ racket?!” Trowa, after
jumping nearly five feet in the air, covered his ears with his hands.

His companion was doing the same. “Sounds like Captain J’s
hook scraping across metal!”

Not being able to take the pain any more, Trowa got up,
mindless of his current naked state, and clamped a hand
over Cathy’s mouth. “MUCH better. I hope I can
still /hear/ after that.”

“What’s the big idea lady?! You don’t just go into someone’s
room and scream at the top of your lungs!”

She wasn’t paying attention. Her thoughts, and eyes for
that matter, were focused on Trowa’s clothes. Or lack thereof.
_Niiiiiiiiiiiice....._ She eyed him up and down, not noticing
Wuffiebell rise and walk towards her until the part of Trowa’s
body she was staring at was covered with a sheet. _Damn._

“What’s going on?” A sleepy little Quatre asked, rubbing
his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Yeah, what’s with the screaming?”

“Duo, Quatre, go back to bed. This doesn’t concern you.”

“But Caaaaaathyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!”

“Duo, /bed/!”

Grumbling, Duo led Quatre out of the room. Once they had gone,
Wuffie asked, again, “What’s the big idea?”

“Oh yeah! There seems to be a visitor for you Trowa. Says
he’s here on behalf of Chief Kushrenada.”

“Thank you.” He turned, obviously dismissing her, and went
to get dressed. She didn’t move.

“That means SCRAM!” Wuffie shouted, chasing her out the door.

“/Well/!” She maturely stuck her tongue out at him and headed for the kitchen.

* * * * * *

“This place is sooo dreary! Why’d you bring me here?”

“Certainly NOT for romance.” Mr. Yuy muttered, finishing tying
their shrill-voiced captive to a stake set in the low water. After
that bit was done, he turned to Captain J. “What now Cap’n?”

“We wait ‘til the tide comes in. Or Trowa Pan shows up first,
one of the two.”

_Great._ He thought. _I’ve always /wanted/ to hang out with /her/
for hours on end._ He looked over at her, just in time to see her
making kissy faces at him. He shuddered at the thought.

* * * * * *

After he’d gotten the message from the Cheif’s right hand man, he
immediately ordered their guests to stay at the house while he and
Wuffiebell went to the rescue. At the moment, Trowa Pan was carefully
making his way along a very dangerous outcropping of rocks. He could
see the Jolly Gundam anchored nearby and knew that he had to hurry
if he wanted to save Relena Lily.

Wuffiebell hovered close to him, muttering to himself that Relena
deserved whichever fate Captain J decided for her.

“Wuffei...Just because you don’t like her, doesn’t mean everyone
wants her dead.”

“Yes it does. I don’t see how Kushrenada puts up with it. Her voice
could shatter the bark off trees!”

Sighing and shaking his head, Trowa decided to ignore that comment.
He ducked into a small opening in the side of the cliff he was on,
perching silently above those already occupying the inside of the island.
Below him, he saw Relena Lily tied to a stake while Captain J and his
henchmen, Mr. Yuy sat by in wait.

“They sure make good sitting ducks, don’t they.” Wuffiebell murmmered.

“Yes, they do.” _This is going to be easy._

* * * * * *

Captain J looked up as a soft whizzing sound filled the cavern they
were in. “What the hell is that sound?” He asked, looking around
for the source.

“That would be me.”

“That’s correct.” He landed on a tall rock near Captain J. “Are you
prepared to be defeated?”

“Ha! You’ll never defeat me, Pan!” He drew his sword and pointed
the tip straight at Trowa. “It’s is YOU who shall be defeated.”

Trowa drew his own short sword, jumping off the rock as
Captain J rushed him. Trowa side-stepped and lightly jabbed the point
of his sword into Captain J’s rear, making the man jump and grab his
ass with both hands, his sword falling noisily to the ground. He turned
to glare at Trowa, groping for his sword as he did.

However, Wuffiebell had gotten to the sword first, making sure to
transform to human size before lifting the heavy weapon. Pointing it
at Captain J’s back, he sneered “NOW who’s the defeated one, J?”

“Damn you! That was extremely unfair Pan. Using your sidekick in
such a cheating scheme.”

Trowa just rolled his eyes. “YOU could have done the same you know.
But then, I suppose you wanted him to guard your captive. Am I right, J?”

“Ha! That’s what you think, Pan. For all you know, he could be
behind you with a gun to your head.”

“But he’s not.” Wuffiebell piped in.

Captain J suddenly spun around and ripped his sword out of
Wuffiebell’s hand, making sure to point it meanicingly at his throat.
“Not so brave /now/ are you, you little spore.”

Wuffiebell said nothing, knowing that Trowa was, as of this moment,
bringing his dagger into an arc and plunging the blade deep into
Captain J’s back.

With a scream of Ultimate Pain(tm), J dropped his sword and clutched
at his back. While he was preoccupied, Trowa and Wuffeibell left him
to go untie Relena Lily.

“It’s about TIME you came to rescue me.” Her frown of disapproval
turned into a broad grin. “Although I didn’t mind being in such
/lovely/ company.” She stared dreamily at Mr. Yuy, who pretended
to gag.

“That’s all well and good, but we’ve got to return you to your
father now.” Trowa said.

“The sooner the /better/!”

Relena’s grin got even broader, engulfing almost half her face.
“Wonderful!”

“Huh?”

“You want to get me home so Daddy can marry us! Oh I’m so happy!”

“WHAT?!” Yuy turned a healthy shade of ghostly white, staring
at her as if she just revaled herself to be a five headed bridge troll.

Ignoring them, Trowa untied Relena Lily and, no sooner than he
removed the rope, she raced to Yuy’s side and attached herself
to his arm. Thoroughly disgusted, Mr. Yuy drew his pistol and
shot Relena point blank between the eyes.

“Yuck...” Wuffiebell turned himself small again and sat on
Trowa’s shoulder. “Was that nessecary?”

“Yes. VERY neccesary.”

* * * * * *

Cheif Kushrenada hadn’t been to pleased with the news of his
daughter’s death and had banned Trowa and Wuffiebell from ever
coming near the tribe again. Now back at the tree house, Trowa,
Wuffiebell, and new house member, Mr. Yuy, were certainly glad to
be home. As soon as they stepped through the door, Cathy, Duo and
Quatre all bombarded them with questions until one glare from Yuy
made them all stop.

“Well,” Cathy said, about two hours later. “I believe the boys
and I should be heading back home. Our parents are probably
worried /sick/ over us.”

“Awwwwww!! I don’t WANT to leave Cathy!” Duo wailed.

“I don’ either, but I miss my widdle bed and my tea set Mommy
gave me.”

“Don’t worry Quatre, we’ll be home soon.” She gave Duo a stern
look. “We’ve taken up /enough/ of our hosts’ time.”

“You certainly have.” Wuffiebell muttered, earning him the
look of death from Cathy.

“Right then, allow me to get you on your way.” Trowa stood
and, after showering them with a disgruntled Wuffiebell’s
pixy dust, showed them out the door and off into the sky.
Once he was back inside, Wuffiebell hovered eye level in front of him.

“You owe me for being /twice/ shaken upside down, Trowa.”

“Certainly.” Smiling, he grabbed Wuffiebell by the waist, making
sure not to damage his wings, and headed for their bedroom.

Mr. Yuy, unused to this kind of behavior, just stood there, blinking
confusedly after them. Finally, after a few minutes had passed, he
just shrugged and made his way to the kitchen to make himself a snack.

The End

~~owari!~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
comments? e-mail Misako Hashiba