Understanding

by wind_chijmes

Pairing : 5x1
Rating : NC-17
Warnings : Yaoi, angst, oral
Disclaimer : GW belongs to Sunrise, Bandai and Sotsu Agency.
NOT ME. Please don't sue.
Spoilers : Endless Waltz.
Author's note : Well...I just wanted to delve a little further into
the the relationship between Heero & Wufei in the 'Living Battle'
timeline. Hope you enoy it!.

+++++ : Change of scene

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He didn't notice the footsteps until they were right behind him.
Whirling around, he breathed easier only when he realised it was
none other than Duo. The American was bleary-eyed, clad in only
a rumpled tank top and boxers, and his long braid was half-undone.

"Why aren't you asleep yet?" He said more sharply than intended.
The sharp and irrational pulse of anger was more self-directed,
rather than aimed at Duo for being awake at three in the morning.

Violet eyes that had been drooping slits of drowsiness, cleared
quickly. "Good question." Duo said pleasantly as he started for
the sink. He lifted a mug off the caddy and filled it to the brim with
water. "I got thirsty. So, why aren't *you* asleep yet?"

He frowned down at his own cup. "I'm drinking tea."

Duo fought the urge to retort something along the lines of
'uh-huh-at-THREE-AM' . He also didn't bother to make any remark
about the other man's non-excuse for sitting at the kitchen table
at this unearthly hour sipping cold, bitter tea. Instead, Duo threw
open the cabinets and fished out a packet of crisps. Leaning
comfortably against the counter by the table, he opened the
packet and popped one of the crunchy stuff into his mouth.
Did he mention he got hungry as well?

"...he'rr..bbee..ine..." Duo mumbled around the glob in his mouth.

"What?" Blank obsidian eyes looked up in perplexity.

Duo sighed and quickly swallowed his mouthful of crisps.
"I said he'd be fine."

Instantly, the other man's copper cheeks flushed. "I didn't say I - "

"Come off it already!" Duo would have thrown his arms into
the air had not for the snack in his hand. "I mean, I know
everything, so what's there to hide? Besides, it's not like I
hadn't already seen you two - OWW!" His comment ended in
a sharp yelp when a swift kick to his ankle reminded him to
keep his mouth shut at the appropriate moment.

By this time, Wufei's face had turned an interesting shade
of red. His fingers were twiddling the sides of the little cup
in a rather agitated fashion. He was also ignoring Duo's bluntness
with admirable resolution.

"Grouch." Duo accused once he had finished massaging his
ankle back to life. "What's so wrong about admitting you and
Heero are together?"

The Chinese man choked on his tea.

"Or that you're sleeping with each other? Or that you're so
worried about you've been waiting since ten? And that's five
hours since then, by the way - "

"Maxwell!" Wufei slammed a fist onto the table-top. "Would
you shut up? You're giving me a headache." He said, grimacing.

The American grinned. See, that's the fun part when both of
your best friends were such reticent men *and* in a relationship
with each other. Besides, Wufei always rose so easily to the
bait. Heero was a little difficult to tease however; Duo
believed that man was half-machine sometimes. But between
he and Wufei, there had been that precious memory of Heero
forced out of control. Just that one occasion. Duo still laughed
every time he remembered that incident.

He finished his crisps, all the while watching Wufei carefully
from behind his fringe of hair. The Chinese man looked weary,
not to mention the dark circles ringing his eyes. Duo did a
quick mental calculation. Heero had been away for a week,
escorting Relena Peacecraft on a tightly-packed schedule
of conferences and meetings. And Wufei hadn't seemed to
have slept properly since then.

Duo didn't interfere; he knew Wufei hated being questioned.
As far as Duo knew, his two Asian friends had never allowed
personal reasons to override their work. Yet now, seeing
Wufei's pale face, he felt the urge to put voice to his concern.

"What are you worried about, Fei?" Duo said abruptly.

Almost instinctively, Wufei opened his mouth as if to deny
that, but all that came out was a soft sigh. He stared down at
his tea. "He's supposed to be back by yesterday."

"Really?" Duo blinked in surprise. He felt a little twinge of
guilt. He never really kept track of his comrades' schedules.
All five of them might live under the same roof, but they also
led busy lives. It was hard being up-to-date with every little
happening in their daily existences.

"No problem." Duo tried to reason. He leaned his elbows
on the table and rested his chin in his palms. "Maybe they
were held up or something. Come on, you know Relena.
Busy girl. Queen. Whatever."

"Heero is always on time." Wufei looked up. His large, sloe eyes
burned into Duo's violet ones. "He's never early and never late."

"Oh." Duo winced. "Since you've put it that way." That was
spot-on actually. Heero was almost obsessive about planning,
execution and timing. "Did you check with her secretary?"

"No." Wufei admitted, albeit rather stubbornly. "And don't
ask me to. I will not do it."

//Ok...Relena Peacecraft equals sensitive issue.// Duo decided.
"I still think he'd be fine." He said reassuringly.

Wufei looked deep in thought for a moment, before he finally
shrugged. "I suppose you're right. It could be just unnecessary
worry on my part." He looked almost ashamed at that
admittance. "It's not becoming for a man to worry like a woman."

"Bullshit." Duo declared, grinning recklessly when the Chinese
man shot him a dangerous look. "It's human nature to worry.
Who cares if you're a man or a woman? As long as you're a
person, you have the right to be concerned about the person
you love."

Fine black eyebrows drew together. Abruptly, Wufei stood
up and placed a hand on Duo's forehead. "Do you have a
raging fever? Or have you finally decided to be serious for
once in your life?" Obsidian eyes twinkled with rare mirth.
"That was the most logical statement I have ever heard you make."

"Thanks." Duo muttered wryly as he batted the copper hand away.
"It's good to know you care too." He would have continued the
banter, had he not suddenly noticed a third presence.

"Heero!" Violet eyes widened in surprise. "Damn, when did
you come back?"

There was no mistaking that rigid figure standing by the doorway
to the kitchen, even if it were partially hidden in the shadows.
Gleaming cobalt eyes peered out from the shadowy face,
seemingly glaring as they bore first into Duo, then Wufei.

Wufei had already whipped around, but oddly enough, he made
no move towards the silent Japanese man. Instead, he just shifted
a little on his feet, clenching the back of his chair in a death grip.

The two Asian men stared at each other for a moment, before
Heero turned and receded into the darkness of the hallway
outside the kitchen.

"Wha - ?" Duo gaped. Ok, so he wasn't exactly expecting any PDA
from his reticent friends, but surely it wasn't too much for him to
expect a *little* more affection from either of them?

Wufei turned his attention back to a bewildered Duo Maxwell.
The Chinese man's face was taut with some emotion Duo
couldn't decipher. But it appeared that silent moment between
Wufei and Heero had been enough for a brief non-verbal form
of communication.

"Thank you, Duo. I appreciate your concern. But please excuse
me now." Wufei said hurriedly, yet scrimping not a whit on his
usual formality. His onyx eyes darted to the direction in which
Heero had left.

Duo rolled his eyes. "Just go already." He made shooing gestures
with his hands and watched with no small amount of motherly-like
exasperation as Wufei practically bounded out of the kitchen.
If anyone wanted his opinion, he'd say that his two best friends
needed some real work on their communications skills.
That talking-with-silence thing? Very unhealthy.

++++++++++

The door was unlocked. Heero never bothered to lock his door.
No one in the right presence of mind would dare break into his
room and chance an encounter with one of the deadliest men
on the planet anyway.

Wufei turned the knob, pushed the door open and slipped
into the room in one smooth movement. He paused one brief
moment to let his eyes adjust to the dimness, then he moved
into the interior with familiarity of old.

Sitting on the bed, Heero was silhouetted against the sharp
angles of moonlight streaming in from the window. His outline
was blurred in the inconsistency of light and shadow. He said
not a word; just sat there unmoving.

"Heero?" Wufei ventured near the bed."Are you injured?"

In reply, the Japanese man lifted his hands to his throat and
his fingers began working in precise motions. Unbuttoning
his shirt.

Wufei came around the bed and sat down next to his lover.
Whatever it was, Heero obviously didn't want any conversation.
Wufei kept quiet and just watched as Heero's fingers moved
down the front of his shirt. There seemed to be something
not quite right with the man, but it was only after Heero had
already shrugged off the shirt that Wufei realised it.

"You *are* injured." The Chinese man said sharply.
He moved closer. "What is it?" He had caught the faintest
stutter in Heero's breathing. Now truly concerned, he stretched
out his hands. "Let me check."

Heero stood up before those slender fingers could touch him.
Wordlessly like before, he padded towards the bathroom.

That stung. Wufei took a deep breath, using every ounce of
self-discipline he possessed to check his anger. The whole
week of nightmare-haunted nights was beginning to make
itself felt. He raised a hand and rubbed his head in anticipation
of a migraine. He'd never had headaches before. If he had a
problem, he'd plunge right into it before it could really affect him.

But what was he to do when the problem was his own lover?
He didn't remember feeling so helpless since his doomed union
with Meilan.

Teeth gritted, he stood up and headed for the bathroom as well.

The water was already running. Heero stood by the countertop,
shirtless, staring at his own reflection. He barely blinked when he
saw Wufei coming up behind him.

"What happened?" Wufei said quietly as he leaned against the doorframe.

Heero started on the top button of his pants. Still he did not speak,
choosing instead to focus his energies on extracting his lower torso
from the pants. The only indication of any injury was a sharp
intake of breath as he bent. He stepped out of the material at
his feet and turned towards the filled bath. Jaw set, he climbed
slowly into it and sank down in the welcoming warm waters.

Again that feeling of impotence began to rise but Wufei wasn't
about to let it win this time. Quickly and fairly business-like,
he began stripping down as well. First his shirt, then pants,
boxers, and finally the tie that held back his hair. He came up
to the bath and glared down at the stony, upturned face of his lover.

Heero blinked. There wasn't much else to do when there was a naked,
toned copper form right next to him, coupled with blazing raven eyes
and a full-lipped mouth set in grim determination.

Wufei clambered into the bath and sat down behind Heero.
It was comfortable enough for two of them. In front of him,
Heero's back was tensed and his shoulders rigid, a tensed
counterpoint to the warm, soothing steam rising off the
heated waters.

Placing his hands on Heero's skin, and ignoring the sudden
jerk, he began to massage the shoulders. Tracing the curve
of muscle and angularity of bone as he popped kinks and
kneaded the knots of tension. It was slow work; Heero's whole
body was practically clenched in tension, but by and by, the pale
form beneath his hands began to relax.

"Duo is good for you."

Copper fingers froze.

The four words hung expectantly in the air.

"Duo's good for everyone." Wufei sounded unnaturally calm
when he finally responded."He lets us see the lighter side of life
during the Wars, and even now, when there is finally some
semblance of peace. But, this is not about Duo, is it?"

Heero closed his eyes tiredly and tried not to lose himself to the
comforting hands on his skin. Sometimes, Wufei read him too well.
Is that what happens when two persons get too familiar
with each other?

Those hands slipped around him and centred on his chest.
With alternating soft touches and gentle strokes, the palms
covered every inch of his skin, leaving a tingling sensation
wherever they touched.

Heero flinched when they pressed below his chest.

Wufei quickly eased his caressing. "How many?"

"Two." Heero replied flatly. There was no point in hiding it
by now. "No. It's not about Duo." He felt the sudden cold
as the hands left his skin. He heard a soft sound behind him
and he imagined Wufei with arms crossed and a
perplexed _expression on his delicate features.

"Then what is it about?"

Truly, what was it about? Heero bowed his head and stared
down into the ripples in the water. "I killed someone." He said finally.

++++++++++

Damn, it was near impossible to go back to sleep now.
He was too wide-awake. So, he remained in the kitchen,,
munching on another pack of crisps as he let his mind wander.
There were a lot of things to think about, many of them
focusing on Heero and Wufei, others on the people that
came and went or came and stayed in his life.

Duo was just polishing off his third pack when the sounds
of two sets of footfalls reached his ears. He turned his head,
his braid swishing around his shoulders.

He recognised the blonde hair first, before the rest of the
pyjamas-clad form. Quatre. A second figure appeared
behind the Arabian man. Tall, slender and graceful even at
four in the morning. Trowa.

"What are you guys doing awake?" Duo said in surprise as
he watched the two men approaching him.

Quatre yawned behind his hand. His cerulean eyes were
clear, if not a little sleepy around the edges. "I thought I
heard voices. And I saw the light in the kitchen." He pulled
up two chairs for himself and Trowa and noticed the empty
crisp packets littering the tabletop. "Junk food *again*?"
Quatre made a face.

Shrugging, Duo shifted to make space for them. "Did the
crunching disturb your beauty sleep, Q?" He grinned and
crumpled the empty pack with loud cackling noises.

"It disturbed mine." Trowa deadpanned as he settled into
his chair. He nodded when Quatre asked him if he wanted
any coffee. "You couldn't sleep?" He added, verdant eyes
thoughtful behind his fall of auburn bangs.

"Yeah." Duo confirmed. He gratefully accepted the mug
of coffee from Quatre. So it was instant coffee but it was
better than nothing. And only Quatre would make coffee
without complain for them.

"And Wufei?" Quatre said calmly as he sipped the
caffeine drink. His nose wrinkled slightly, an _expression
that said clearly the next time he was going to make coffee
he would use fine grounded coffee beans instead of this
atrocious instant mockery.

"Uh..." Duo replied carefully. He shifted in his seat. "Fei?"

"Yes." Quatre nodded slowly. His eyes seemed like bright blue
ovals in his angelic face. "Wufei's not upstairs. And I assume
this cup is his? Where is he?" He gestured towards the
innocent-looking teacup with the half-finished tea.

"Uh..." Duo tried again. "He's somewhere in the house."
He knew it sounded lame, but that was the closest he could
come to being truthful without compromising the clandestine
relationship between his friends.

"He's feeling better now?" Quatre continued.

Duo was about to counter that with another of his patented
non-answers, when he read the unusual warmth and
understanding in the Arabian's cerulean eyes. Duo looked
carefully from Quatre to Trowa. There seemed to be some
sort of expectancy hanging between them.

"Yeah." Duo smiled.

++++++++++

"I killed someone."

Wufei bit his lip. He should have known. Nothing else could
unsettle Heero like this these days.

"I had thought I would never need to kill again." Heero's voice
dropped to the barest of whispers. "I tried not to, but I did.
He was an innocent."

"You had to protect Relena." Wufei retaliated.

"I took a life to safeguard another. Is that status quo, Wufei?"

"That's your duty."

"And if duty calls for me to kill you?"

"Then kill me." Wufei said it with such ease he surprised himself.

Heero paused for a moment, before he laughed.
It was a harsh, bitter sound. He angled his head a little but not
enough for Wufei to see his eyes. "Why are you still here, Wufei?"

"I don't know." Wufei said quietly. "But I am."

"I have the blood of thousands on my hands."

There must be something in the way Heero's shoulders hunched
ever so slightly as he whispered those last few words, or how
Heero for once actually looked so defeated. It made Wufei slide
closer to the warm body in front and wrap his arms around the
pale, shivering shoulders. He pulled Heero against his chest.

"We all have blood on our hands. That's why we're doing what
we're doing now. Repentance isn't it, Heero? We're fighting now
to keep the peace the Wars have brought about." He leaned his
head against the crook of Heero's neck. "You killed to protect
another. I killed for a justice that didn't exist. Which is worse?"

Heero half-turned, the water making soft swishing sounds
around their bodies. He felt the warmth of Wufei's skin against
his and as he moved, the raven head so near to his own lifted
and Heero peered into endless velvet eyes.

This was a throwback to the War two years ago but it felt like
they have both aged in the seconds that ticked by between them.

"You didn't mean to." Heero's nasal tone was unusually gentle,
but his cobalt eyes were piercing as ever.

"That doesn't change anything."

And Heero thought perhaps he now understood it a little more.
It was almost like that day when they were both in the skies,
when there were only two of them, and all they had was the
War as the backdrop. It was still a war now, just to live, and
Heero thought it was fitting, maybe a little ironic that of all people,
the one who had seen him fall from the skies into the depths of the
sea two years ago was the same man sitting in a bathtub with him
right now.

He lifted his hand to the back of Wufei's head, combing his fingers
through the strands of damp raven hair. Then he pulled the Chinese
man closer and captured the full lips in his own.

Wufei tasted like he had always remembered. Sweet, tangy,
with a trace of bitterness that was borne of the lives they led.
Their kiss was hungry, almost needy as they sought to consume
each other with just lips and tongues alone. Heero's hand tightened
on the curve of Wufei's head, slanting his mouth, deepening the
kiss, and Wufei answered with equal urgency. Heero's tongue
plunged into the moist depths of Wufei's mouth, charting the
silky curves and dips he had explored countless times before.

Aching lungs finally pulled them apart. Their swollen mouths met
in brief, velvet kisses, that turned to nuzzling when Heero couldn't
keep back the pain from his injury. His head leaned heavily against
Wufei's cheek as he fought to control his breathing. For a moment,
he could only feel the velvet of copper skin melding into him and
the soothing strokes of Wufei's hand tracing random wet patterns
on his back.

"Wufei." Heero lifted his head, catching his lover's onyx eyes.
Need burned in both of their gazes.

The Chinese man looked troubled. "You're hurt."

"I don't care."

"I do." Wufei said softly. He turned the dial, and the water
swirled around them, running into the drainage hole. He placed
a hand on Heero's shoulder and pushed gently. "On your back."

Heero did as he was told, easing himself backwards until he felt the
shockingly cold wet marble against his skin. His arms lay draped
over the sides of the bath. He closed his eyes, relinquishing
whatever conscious awareness of his surroundings as he did so.
He felt his knees pushed up and apart, and Wufei settling between them.

Then warm, moist heat enveloped his member and he groaned in
response, arching his neck. Waves of pleasure surged in his veins;
the suckling and licks working him quickly to full hardness.
Harsh moans he barely recognised spilled from his lips. He laced
his fingers in the soft hair tumbled over his abdomen; wordless
encouragement to his lover.

Wufei eased the throbbing length further in his mouth, inch by inch,
working up a rhythm as he suckled, drew back, and pushed forward
again. The fingers entangled in his hair tightened and stuttered
gasps came from above him.

Heero bit down hard on his lip, drawing blood, the pain only
making the pleasure keener. He welcomed the pain, needed it.
He took in hitched, shallow breaths, exchanging the dull, leaden
agony in his body for the sharp drive towards release. He was
near the edge; he could feel it in the tightly-coiled tension
between his legs and his mind lost in heaven or hell even he
weren't quite sure. With a final cry, he came hard, spilling himself
deep in Wufei's throat. He shivered, momentarily lost to the
tingling aftershocks of sated pleasure even as Wufei swallowed
around his softening erection.

Cobalt eyes opened with some effort. Heero sighed as soft kisses
rained on his heated skin, tracking up his stomach, feathering
on his chest, and finally fading to warm nuzzling against his neck.

"You..." Heero tried to raise his head. He had suddenly remembered
Wufei's own neglected need.

"No." Wufei said softly and pressed wet nipping kisses along
Heero's throat to meet his lips.

They kissed, almost a chaste brush of lips, indulging in the
sweet velvet friction. "I'm tired." Heero murmured when they
broke apart. He ran his knuckles down the soft curve of copper
cheek, tracing the toast-coloured lips with the pads of his fingers.

Wufei leaned into the caress, then smiled one of his rare smiles.
"Shall we go to bed?"

Their scant ten months together were scarcely enough to
bury three years of blood-stained memories. Wufei didn't
know where Heero was coming from, nor was he familiar with
each and every demon that plagued Heero's mind.

But he had some idea of what the future could have in store
for them both and even though it wasn't all that bright, he
wasn't anywhere near regretting any part of it.

And from the way Heero's lips curled up into a faint smile, he
guessed Heero felt the same too.

~*~ fin ~*~
February 2003

comments? e-mail Wind Chijmes!