Episode 5

Postal service is improving nowadays…

(Alex is sat in front of a table, playing Yu-gi-oh cards with Tim. Bizarrely the table is situated in the middle of a British bus…) So how come you’re here? I place down wingweaver in attack. (looks at hand) bastard! I don’t really know why I’m here…but then does anybody? What’s the last thing you remember? Your turn, by the way. Thanks. I’m not sure…I remember something about trees consuming the house then…. It’s all kinda blank…I’m putting this card face down in defence. Your turn. ok. (Places down a magic card) any idea why we’re on a bus? I’m going to attack that one with wingweaver. Hah! Man eater bug! Bye bye wingweaver! I thought you’d know…I don’t exactly understand my own subconscious. Shit! Your turn now… well don’t look at me! I’m not sure how I got here either. (places down magic card and a yami field) who’s this Shiberu that you’re always on about? Girlfriend? Dark magician with three books of secret arts and a sword of dark destruction…3900 points to your life, and I’m using Solomon’s lawbook for another attack so another 3900 to your life, heh heh. Jesus! And no Shiberu’s not my girlfriend…in fact I dread the thought! (Shudders) ok my turn… fissure on your Dark Magician, then I let out my blue eyes with dragon treasure! Shit! I got nothin to counter that! I fold. You’ll have to introduce me to these friends of yours sometime! Sure! If you can find an old bomber aircraft, move so fast that the universe no longer cares about you, and head in the general direction of noweaso! ah. Ok. Oh well if you ever get thrown out of IRE-land again, come back for a visit! I’m sure I will! I’ll have to hide somewhere being a known fugitive for starting the war for peace… I don’t think they’ll be bothered about that considering the Iraq situation. Gotten worse? yeah. Oh look I gotta go wake up now. Continue this another time we both end up unconscious? yeah sure. See you around! (Alex closes his eyes and gradually wakes up out of his daze. The first things he sees is the hole in the roof, formed by Tim’s impact, shoddily covered by flimsy planks of wood. Alex casts his eyes down wards and sees L33t playing on the playstation…no mean feat considering he has to reach across the pad to reach the action buttons. Shinji is sat on the table opposite the couch Alex is lying on.) Hey Shinji… what happened? well you started to glow and a beam of energy shot out of your palms, which made you collapse. Then all the trees vanished and this guy called cardcaptor Fred showed up. He’s bunking in your…well…wingy’s room, and him and Bob have been holed up all day trying to contact their dads. A pretty normal day then! (more than slightly confused) ah…ok…sure…energy beams you say? of course to contact his dad wingy’s got this big goat slaying thing to do…I won’t tell you the mess it’s making…I’m sure young Fred must be traumatized to heck by now… Uh I’m gonna go out for a while. Tell the gang I’ll be round at Byrnes… and the blood! It was everywhere! I tell you, the cleaning bills are going to be a nightmare! If we ever… (Shinji trails off as Alex leaves the house for the half-hour walk down to Byrnes house.) hope he’s in…still got my Macross plus dvd (Knocks on the door which is answered shortly by Byrne) hey. What’s up? mind if I come in? Sure, come on upstairs. Just downloaded some more stuff I wanna show you… (The pair head up the stairs, and bean hops over his bed and clicks onto his PC again.) I got the latest episode of immoral sisters if you want to watch it? I actually just wanted to ask you a question… how about Angel of darkness? no thanks I just wanted to ask… Agent Aika, Shin Angel, Urotsukidoji, La Blue Girl, Frantic Frustrated Female…. ENOUGH WITH THE HENTAI ALREADY! I just wanted to ask have I ever had energy beams shoot out my hands before?! Uhh no. Why do you ask? oh, never mind! I’ll see myself out! (Alex storms out and Byrne continues his downloads) ooh, new bangbus! Cool! (We leave Alex to chill out for now and we head back to the house to catch up on the rest of the gang) Where’s Alex? He said he’d be round at Byrne’s house for a while. oh ok…who the hell is Byrne? (working on replacing the broken bulbs in the front room) Bugger knows, Floppy. Hold this old bulb for me? (Hands Floppy a red hot lightbulb who immediately drops it) ow! How the hell can you hold those things? (Shrugs) must be all the shocks you give me trying to “Cure” me. Given me asbestos hands! Just be careful with that lamp. I don’t think it’s been switched off at the wall… it’s ok Shin! I know what I’m… (Rod is sent flying across the room due to an electrical discharge) Jesus! Rod! Are you okay? Heh heh. I’m fine! Why wouldn’t I be? (Stands up and glares at the gang downstairs intently.) I heard the noise from outside…. Oh Great! What’s happened to him this time? I think we should get him to a doctor…Those cuts don’t look very good! (Rodrigo is staring into space not aware of the extreme pain he should be in. it’s not very pleasant to be thrown through a mirror!) I agree with the conscience…by the way Shinji…where are Asuka and Rei? I’ve not seen them? Neither have i. I’m a little concerned about them. (Knock at the door) Ah! At last! At last what? (unbolting the door) my package has arrived! Alright mate! You order this High power pneumatic drill? That I did! Where do I sign? Hang on, mate! You need a permit for these things! Can I see your papers for it? sure thing! Uhh. May I ask what your name is? Mike! Mike Johnston! well you see, Mike, my papers are in my pocket and… (Floppy punches the Posty Square in the face and catches the slumping body along with the pneumatic drill) Floppy! What the hell do you think you’re doing? Shut up and help me tie him up! I wasn’t gonna pay for the bastard! Alex is sure gonna be pissed! I just hope he don’t check his Gitaroo man save! Why? I kinda overwrote it with all the grades spelling out dirty words… What kinda dirty word is BACS? hey I only had four letters in the alphabet to work with! (Meanwhile, Asuka and Rei are hovering behind Alex by about 6 metres as he walks around to clear his head) So, tell me again why this is such a good idea wondergirl? you did not have to accompany me on this, pilot Sohryu. Someone has to keep their eyes on you! Plus I think Shinji can get himself into enough trouble without me! Or perhaps you followed me so as to ensure that I was not purchasing a gift for Shinji’s birthday that would perhaps make him like me in some way? What?! Are you stupid? Why would I do such a verdammt thing like that? (Silence) you like him don’t you? Yes Dammit! But if you breathe a word of this to Shinji I swear I’ll… (smiles) not a word… (Alex in disarray…Mumm-Ra an accessory to kidnapping…the plots starting to form quite rapidly now! {Adopts voice of old show narrator} Stay tuned for more! In the next exciting episode of Konnichi Wa! Tales of Insanity!)

To Be Continued…