Mr.Wonderful Mr. Wonderful Explains Current Events To Current Events Archive Link Page June 29th 2001: Kidd Kicked off by Colangelo ! Folks, back in March of 2001, I predicted, that since the probation decree of fanatic French fry lover and wife-beater Jason Kidd, included the stipulation that he commit no felonies for one year, that he would be leaving the Town of Paradise Valley far before those 365 days passed. Why? Because Jason is an NBA player with a $57 million contract and it would be impossible for this millionaire-athletic thug, over a period of just twelve months, to not commit a felony! Today, basset hound-eyed, sports-Mogul and savior of Phoenix, Jerry Colangelo, announced the trade of Kidd to the New Jersey NBA franchise in exchange for yet another over-paid thug. This one with a 'Joysee Accent.' June 28th 2001: Illegals Make Intersections Most Dangerous in U.S. ! Apparently State Farm Insurance (my choice of home, auto, boat and "IT" coverage) has published a top ten most dangerous intersections list for these United States. Based on the number of claims presented to State Farm, two of Phoenix, Arizona's intersections earned a 'Top Ten' ranking. Of course that's not surprising since State Farm insures more cars in Arizona than any other auto insurance provider. You may claim my reasoning is a reach, but, I believe the intersections of 7th Street and Bell (#4) and 19th Avenue and Northern Avenue (#7) made the list because of an undisclosed, but not unrealized, common denominator. That common denominator is, illegal, unlicensed, illiterate Mexican-National aliens! Bell Road is a boulevard that cuts a steaming, angry six lane asphalt scar through north Phoenix. It leads directly from the wealthy East-Valley City of Scottsdale, where thousands of illegals are employed in construction, yard care and the resort industries, to the West Valley towns of Glendale, Peoria and Surprise, where many of these same illegal aliens can afford to rent. Due to the plummeting residential property values bordering Bell Road, many illegals also chose to reside both norte and sur of this artery that gorges Scottsdale with cheap labor. Likewise the dilapidated area of Northern Avenue and 19th Avenue is the home to hundreds of more illegals. The 19th Avenue intersection was where a girl recently lost her life, because a Mexican gang-banger aiming at 'el enemigo' missed, with instead, his 9mm bullet striking and killing her. This pair of intersections are so dangerous, because Monday through Friday, thousands, if not tens of thousands of illiterate, illegal, unlicensed, aliens, piloting trashed-out, unsafe, smoldering crap-boxes, careen through these same junctions. (Note: I hold no grudges against Mexican's or Latino's or Hispanics or anyone in possession of a nicer tan than I. Even that sixty five year, well preserved, bleach-blonde from New Jersey spending the summer over at Hilton on Scottsdale Road. However, I do hold a grudge against criminal illegal aliens flooding over our southern border and destroying the Arizona we love.) June 25th 2001: Hollywood's Elite Eat Tofu, Komodo Eats Toe-Food ! Jeeze! I guess if you're a rich liberal newspaperman, swaddled by the wealth of millions of dollars, common sense is shed like a reptile's out-grown skin. Ever wonder why anyone like Phil Bronstein-Stone (husband of actress Sharon Stone) would venture to the wild life park for a sort of petting-zoo encounter with wild animals and not wear sturdy boots? Understand that your Mr.Wonderful and my older brother used to hunt and live-capture Chuckwalla lizards here in the Phoenix desert during our school vacations. While these large desert puffers (they crawl into crevices and inflate their bodies to prevent capture) are not nearly the size of Komodo dragons, they do inflict a wicked bite. And as teenagers - "out huntin' Chuckwallas" - we always wore as much protective gear as the 100F degree plus summer heat would allow. No one had to advise us prior to our first Chuckwalla chomp to don heavy gloves. You could tell just by looking at these Gila Monster-sized lizards, that, given the chance, they could bite the hell out of you. Well, according to The Smoking Gun "Phil" and "Sharon" demanded a personal visit with the Los Angeles Zoo's Komodo dragon wearing the well thought out name of "Komo". "Phil" offered to take off his white jogging shoes and white Polo® socks after being informed that Komo might mistake them for his normal cuisine of white rats. First clue Phil! This animal enjoys hairy, live, red meat. So, protected only by his wealth and liberal ideals (all the world is safe-only Republicans make it unsafe) Phil enters the enclosure barefoot. Sure enough, first chance old Komo got, using his razor sharp teeth and powerful jaws, he latched on to Phil's big white toe! Red meat, yum! I imagine now Mr. Bronstein knows how Root's Kunta Kinte really felt. June 24th 2001: Froggies! The Water is Coming to a Boil ! "How do you cook a frog?" The old parable queries. "You place him in a pot of water and gradually increase the temperature, so gradually he doesn't notice the water encasing him is warming, until it's boiling and then it's too late to hop out." According to a June 2001 Pew Research Center nationwide survey, I read that even though 'the public' has increasing concerns about their personal finances, ". . . 57% have not thought much about the tax rebate checks of up to $600 . . ." they are scheduled to receive! Remember, by the government's own admission, this money is a rebate from the I.R.S. This 'rebate' consists of dollars that were over withheld from our paychecks. It is our money. But yet most adults ". . . have not thought much . . ." about the up to $600 checks. If a car manufacturer, or home builder, or Wal*Mart owed us a $600 rebate, we'd be all over them until we had the check in our hot little hands. But yet, if the federal government promises us $600 of OUR OWN MONEY back, we don't seem to care. Yup, the Fed's have got most of us gulled into the idea that the hundreds of dollars they remove from our salaries on payday, before we are even allowed to handle our checks, is really their money after all! (Please be aware that the DeMedia & politicos chose the word 'rebate' very carefully. They use the word rebate knowing most Americans believe it to mean, "1). a return of part of the original payment for some service or merchandise." When this (income tax) rebate is actually, " 4). to return part of an original payment." And, if you don't understand the very big difference in those definitions, you should probably just keep reading the socialist drivel over at Slate.com.) Good day! June 22nd 2001: United States Exploits Planet, 30.2 Acres per Citizen ! Damn! I feel so bad, so, so, guilty. For the "EarthPulse" page of the July 2001 National Geographic magazine 'reveals' that occupants of the United States consume over eleven times as much of productive land as homo sapiens do in India. How horrible. We should all live in huts constructed of dung, crush all our evil vehicles into metal cubes, drink water polluted with human feces and eat crickets and bark. (I'll never forget the story my friend told me of a nicely dressed Indian woman in New Delhi who casually walked out to the street, raised her sarong and dropped a steaming bowel movement into the gutter. That's the way it is in these Third World countries, folks!) I'm sorry, but I just don't believe the magazines statistics that each 'evil' American consumes 30.2 acres of productive land versus an Indian who consumes only 2.6 acres. Just off the top of my head I can counter with the fact that the 2.6 acres the Indian consumes will never be replaced because they have no vehicle or means to do so. And then I imagine about where the entire world would be today, if the United States (who at the time had virtually zero ecological concerns, ie. worse than now) were not around to halt the tide of Japanese and German aggression during the 1940's? Or how would the ecological concerns of the editors of the National Geographic fare today if we had not won the 'Cold-War' against the "evil empire" of the former U.S.S.R.? Yes, for individuals with no recall of history, or basic common sense for that matter, the article presents a fearful warning to its American readers. But for those of us with perspective on life and world history, we are struck once again with what contempt the godless National Geographic society holds mankind in. June 18th 2001: Hypnosis Ruins Dinner for MW ! Your Mr.Wonderful is the most excellent hypnosis subject a doctor could desire. For years, psychiatrists and psychologists have been hypnotizing me in a futile effort to root out exactly why I am so . . . so . . . 'different'. For proof of my susceptibility to hypnosis, I site the Christmas dinner my wife's company held, which involved a performance by a hypnotist. Remaining at our eight person table (I refuse to offer myself up for anyone's dining pleasure) I listened intently as the hypnotist began instructing his volunteer subjects. Shortly and involuntarily, for I wanted to watch the stage show, I quickly became the show at our table, as I fell into a deep trance and gently laid my head on the empty dinner plate set before me. I missed the entire show and did not 'awaken' until the hypnotist brought his on-stage participants and myself, back into the real world. All this is in prelude to reporting that over at the Scientific American web site, I read that hypnosis (combined with other therapies) has shown a 70% success rate for obesity, insomnia, anxiety and other challenges. Hypnosis is also providing evidence that it can be utilized to treat other conditions such as: asthma, warts, irritable bowel syndrome and hemophilia. Warts? June 17th 2001: Father Remembered on Father's Day Twelve years ago, I was so blessed to be with my father minutes before he passed away. We had our last earthly conversation, granted it was one-sided because he was dying of Alzheimer's Disease, but it was satisfying and cleansing just the same. Being the family clown, I probably 'got along' best of the three boys with our father. We all emerged emotionally handicapped to various degrees, however my two older brothers can play one hell of a round of golf. Golf that our father forced upon them. Listening to the tape recording of my pappy at his 1974 retirement party at Moon Valley Country Club I guess I got the best inheritance of all. His humor. Sons often want to blame their father's for so much that has gone wrong and much did go wrong in our family. However, I wasn't aborted, so that left me vulnerable to facing the wrongs of this Earthly existence and my parents never divorced, providing a somewhat stable home life. Now that I'm older myself (and my eyes are misting over) I realize, once again, that regardless of all the 'wrongs' I endured, my pappy was only always doing what he thought was right for us boys. Happy Father's Day pop! June 13th 2001: Blockbuster Video thinks Consumers are Blockheads ! As you may have heard, Blockbuster Video has settled a class action lawsuit over "late fees" for a possible $425 million rebate price tag and has also agreed to pay $9.25 million in lawyer fees. According to Blockbuster's own accounting, these "extended viewing fees" for the months of April, May, and June of 2000 amounted to a staggering $203.2 million or nearly 17% of quarterly income! A spokesman for Blockbuster thought your Mr. Wonderful wasn't paying attention when he announced that of the possible $425 million in rebates to be claimed, he predicted that most likely only 10% would ever be paid out.In other words, for an 'investment' of merely $51.75 million ($42.5 in predicted rebates, plus $9.25 million in attorney fees) they may have reaped well over $6 billion ($203 million a quarter over 8 years) in claimed "late fees" alone! To prove to Blockbuster that we aren't blockheads, we need to venture over to the www.blockbuster.com site, click on the EVF icon (Extended Viewing Fees), print out the simple single page "Class Settlement Claim Form" (Name/Address/Phone/Membership Number) and file for as many "extended viewing fees" that our consciences will permit. I am staunchly pro-business, but the first time I trotted out of my local B'Buster franchise in the early 1990s, clutching a rented VHS of the then very hot Wild Orchid, without a receipt (I was informed, "It's a big hassle to print out a receipt") I realized that these B'Bastards, knowing most Americans are gullible and scatter-brained, were following a business plan that included charging "late fees" whether said video was late or not. For how does a consumer either remind himself of when a movie is due back, or prove the movie is not late sans a receipt? Hell, even Phoenix's Burton Barr Public Library renders receipts! (Who do these guys think they are, the IRS?!) June 12th 2001: Citizen Killer of 168 Dead, IRS Marches On ! Yesterday, at a total cost of $111 million, the Oklahoma Bomber, Timothy McVeigh, was put to death. The DeMedia would have forgiven all if only dearest Timmy would have shown any remorse. Alas Mr. McVeigh showed none. Mr. McVeigh destroyed a federal building and many of its occupants in protest of the ATF/FBI barbecue of scores of citizens outside of Waco, Texas. He was also concerned about an FBI sharp-shooter who in 1992 murdered 'white-separatist' Randy Weaver's wife, Vicki, while she was caressing her ten month old daughter, Elisheba. (Why a 'white-separatist' crowns his daughter with a 'Black-sounding' name, is unknown.) By the way, while Timothy resides in the cramped confines of an urn, the FBI sniper, Lon Horiuchi, who has admitted his nine year old error in slamming a 30.06 slug through Vicki's brain, is yet to face indictment! Watching Discovery Health Channel the other day, I learned that for every two homicides in these United States there are three suicides. What does this have to do with anything? It has to do with the sad fact, that far, far more than 168 individuals per year commit suicide when faced with persecution by the IRS and other agencies of the Federal Government. Victims of government harassment, who no one mourns but their immediate families. However, Social Security does cough up $268, under the correct circumstances, to cover funeral expenses. June 6th 2001: Homeless are Helpless, Transients are Killers ! Have you ever noticed how once a "homeless" individual is accused of a violent crime, he suddenly transforms into a "transient?" This is because the DeMedia doesn't want to taint our "homeless" with the image that many, many of them are criminals. (Because everyone 'knows' that only  transients are criminals.) They don't want to label the "homeless" as transients, even though survey after survey has proven that 70 plus percent of "homeless" are felons and drug addicts. The DeMedia's damnable distinction has cost another child her life. For her rapist and her murderer was a harmless, hapless, homeless person. A homeless person, who parents in the neighborhood he lived out of his car in, bombarded with the Media's depiction of the "homeless" as "good people, just down on their luck," let down their guard. In their goodness and their innocent ignorance, fueled by Media lies, new neighbor-Stevie (Steven Ray Newell) was accepted as a trusted member of the neighborhood. A trusted member of the neighborhood, who yesterday admitted to detectives, two weeks ago he raped and garroted eight year old Elizabeth Byrd. June 1st, 2001: Cell Phone Songs by Bird Brains ! Here is an interesting consequence of our increased dependence on cellular phones. I read in the May 28th, 2001 issue of informationweek.com magazine, answering some cell phone's ringing may result only in a handful of feathers. This is because our bird population is adding the sounds of cell phones ringing to their song lists. I hope BMI doesn't find out! As a Dane businessman reported, "You don't believe it the first time you hear it. It's quite funny." MW Current Events Front Page Email Mr.Wonderful Back to Top