Wow, I can't believe it. I was cleaning my room and I stumbled upon you. I guess I lost you, and I couldn't find you, and I really needed a diary to write in some juicy gossip, but that's old news now.
I want to write in you for old time sake. I'm going to try the best I can remember, since I don't have too of a vivid memory to depend on. Well, here goes nothing.
I know I told you I broke up with Taylor in September of 1997. After I did, I would sometimes regret myself for dropping an incredible guy. I kept reminding myself that it was for the better, but still, I would...well, I just would.
Ninth grade was a blast. I was on the Pep Squad, which made school really fun. I made a lot of new friends. Do I sound fake? Like a cheerleader? Oh, no way! Like, totally huh? Haha, yes I do.
The only bad thing that happened since then was that Grandma Great died. I loved Grandma Great, and I didn't believe it at first, but I knew that sooner or later I had to accept it. God took her to a place where she can't get hurt.
Sophomore year was great too. This time I was head-cheerleaderof the JV squad. It was even more exciting. Also, after 16 long years of waiting, I got my driver's license! Too bad about my parents saying no to wanting to take car trip with my pals to California for the summer.
Junior year was a repeat. Fun fun fun.
And finally, here I am in Senior year. Where has the time gone? One really exciting and cool event that happened this late summer was that I went to the Olympics in Australia with my parents! It was a huge opportunity and a great blast. The weird thing was that Isaac, Taylor, or Jordan, as he wants to be called now, and Zac were touring the end of their tour there at the same time. We flew there and back together. It was something I can't describe. I loved watching the divers. They always scared me when they got close to the water surface and I thought they might belly-flop from nervousness.
Well, here we are in October. Tulsa is having a gorgeous fall. It couldn't be more perfect.
Did I mention that Zac and I are going out? We just started to like each other when we were in Australia, and now we're going out. The bad part is no one knows about it, so it's kind of a small secret. We don't really want to tell anyone yet about it because we're afraid no one will accept it.
Speaking of Zac, he's grown a lot. He's 5'10", like me. And his voice, oh god, it's so deep and sensual. He's become more calm and less obnoxious since 1997. Who cares if he's two years younger than me. All I know is that he's caring, honest, funny, and most of all, loving.Dear Diary, 10-25-2000
Knock, knock. "Come in." I said, looking up from my diary.
"Hey cutie, what are you doing?" Zac asked, surprising me and walking into my room.
"Hang on a sec." I replied, giving him my minute finger.
Well diary, I conclude those last three years into a few paragraphs. Zac is here, so I'll be going. Don't open your big mouth!
"Hi sweetheart." I greeted Zac in a more friendlier way than I had earlier, and gave him a kiss.
"Now that's more like it." he said, and helping me up to stand up.
I placed my arms around his neck and smiled dreamily into his eyes. He beamed, his eyes glistening.
"Kim, can I ask you something?" he asked.
"Anything." I replied.
He sat down and pulled me next to him. "Look, I know it's a little bit early to be asking this, and I know I'm not ready, but, do you think we might have sex sometime?" he asked, his bottom lip quivering.
"Sex? Now?" I asked horridly.
"No, no. I' not ready yet, but I've been thinking about it, and I say to myself, 'Will Kim and I ever have sex in our relationship?' I mean, don't think of me as a dirty person and all, but Jordan found an article in a magazine about safe sex and protection and other things. He told me to read it, and, it was actually interesting. Then it made me think of us. So then, I decided to ask you if we would ever have sex." he explained logically.
"You say that so casuallly, it's kind of scary." I commented, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear, a sign of nervousness.
"What are you saying?" he asked, scooting closer to me, putting his arm around my waist.
"That's an interesting subject you brought up." I started, more at ease now. "Well, I'm definetly not ready for sex, that's for sure. But the way things are going, and how I'm seeing things happening between us, I know there will be sex in our future."
"Really? You think so?" he asked, a crack in his voice from excitement.
"No. I know so." I smiled.
He smiled and took my cheek into his hand, kissing me. I could feel the tension in his kisses.
He pulled away. "Sometimes, I feel like I'm ready for it. Like, when we're fooling around, I want to do it, sometimes I really want to do it, but I know that deep down I'm not ready, and that I'll know when I am ready for sex." he said.
I rested my hand behind his head and put my arm around his neck and kissed him sweetly, softly.
"Zac, how did you become so perfect?" I asked, my heart melting at his sight.
"I didn't know I was perfect." he replied.
"You're perfect to me, and I wouldn't blame anyone else if they thought of you being perfect."
He pushed me on my back on the bed, and he smiled.
I closed my eyes and soon felt the taste of his lips upon mine.
Gradually, our speed increased, and he was soon atop of me. Kisses became more than sweet licks of skin, they became bloodthirsty, tongues and everything else.
Sensing Zac was getting hotter, and also feeling the excitement through the bulge of his blue jeans, he pulled off his shirt with great succession. Zac had a great body. He was starting to form his muscular shape.
"Ohhh, Zac." I moaned as he softly sunk his teeth into the skin of my neck, turning them into little kisses everywhere.
Oh boy, those hands of his, they roamed around every space and orifice of me. They seemed to stop at my chest.
"Zac, have you ever seen me?" I asked.
"Yeah." he replied.
I was in shock. "When?!" I demanded, opening my eyes and shooting my body upwards.
"In pictures, when you were a baby." he replied in an obvoius tone.
I swatted his forehead. "Wake up, Romeo, I mean since I got these." I gestured my breasts.
"Nope, never."
I looked at him. Then, I proped myself up and started to unbutton my blouse, when Zac took my hands away and finished the job for me.
"Do you want to see me?" I asked innocently.
His hands reached for the clasp of my bra. He had great trouble unhooking it.
"How do you function this thing on a daily basis?" he asked, frustrated.
I laughed. As I did, I took his hands and placed them over my breasts.
His hands quivered and his eyes went directly where his hands were placed and he glued them there.
"Zac, it's okay. They're just things that you don't have, " I said. "Now, do you still want to see me?"
"Kim, you're making a big deal out of that issue."
"It is a big deal."
He sighed, and smiled. "Yeah, I still want to see you. But only show me yourself if you want to. I don't want to lose respect from you."
Slowly, I revealed myself to him, and once again placed his hands where they once were. His eyes lit up, and lightly, he began stroking me.
"Feel a difference?" I asked. He responded by pushing me back down, hungry for more after each kiss.
All was nearly to much for the both of us, so I pulled away. "Zac, you have to calm down, or things will go too fast if you know what I mean."
"Maybe we should stop then." he suggested.
"I think so."
We put our discarded clothes back on.
"Zac, I've been meaning to talk to you anyway." I said.
"What's on your mind?" he asked.
"Well, I want people to know that were boyfriend and girlfriend." I stated.
"You know, I was thinking about that the other day, but I don't think we should-"
"No Zac, please, I hate hiding things. I want people to know that you're mine and that I'm yours. I want to do this because I love you."
He kissed me, and smiled an agree. "You're right, let's tell everyone. I'm proud that you're mine and I want everyone to know it."
I kissed him aggresively. "See why you're so perfect?" I asked. He laughed. But in the back of my head, a voice naggedly reminded me of the words, "Boyfriend," "Girlfriend," and "Love."
That night, when Zac invited me to dinner at his house, the news we delivered turned out to not have such a huge impact as we thought it would. We told both of our families about us, and they accepted it like anyone else would. Yet, on the other hand, everyone but Jordan accepted it.
"Hey everyone, I have news." Zac announced at the Hanson dinner table. I was invited over to have dinner with them, and I helped Diana fix the meal. Chicken, potatoes, peas, and salad.
Everyone paid their undivided attention to Zac. "Kim and I are going out. We're boyfriend and girlfriend." he said it like it was no big deal.
Everyone grew silent. "Since when?" Isaac piped up, digging into his potatoes.
"Two months ago." I informed.
"Really?" asked Walker. "Well-"
"That's great! I'm happy." Diana commented, cutting off Walker. I was glad she did because I was aware about Walker's issues on his children dating older people.
We sat down and ate our meals. We didn't care if we looked like sick dogs, we were in love, after all. It sure did remind me of some cheesy movie I had seen a couple of years ago, though.
After dinner, Zac and Isaac volunteered to clean up. I was going to help them, but Jordan pulled me aside.
"Kim, I want to talk to you." he said, pulling me out of the kitchen.
"Um, okay." I said. "Bye Zac." I gave him a kiss.
I followed Jordan to his room. We stepped inside, and he locked the door.
"Don't think you're going to do something to me." I said, chuckling.
"What?" He didn't hear me.
"Look, is this talk going to be serious enough in order to have the door locked?" I was curious.
"Yes, it is."
"Hmmm, let me think. You're having problems with Autumn." I suggested, mentioning his girlfriend.
"No, Autumn and I are just fine. There's nothing wrong. I love Autumn." he stammered quickly.
"Excuse me."
There was a pause. "God, I don't understand it. Why are you going out with my younger brother?" he asked, running his hands through his hair in frustration.
"Are you against it?" I asked.
"Of course I am. I mean, he's my brother. He's also your boyfriend. Why wasn't I your boyfriend when we were going out?" he mentioned the past.
"What? C'mon, don't bring that up. And anyway, does it matter now? You're with Autumn, a girl you care about, and I'm with Zac. I don't think this discussion is necessary."
"It's the priciple of the problem that we're talking about."
I sighed. "There is no problem. You weren't my boyfriend because I wouldn't be able to handle your fans' reaction-"
"Bullshit, you had Jeff before-"
"He was an asshole and he wasn't famous either. And don't you dare mention his name again when I'm around." I warned.
"I don't want you going out with Zac." he stated.
"What say do you have in this?" I asked, and then philosophized. "Jordan, God made gifts. He gave us the gift of a powerful friendship, and he blessed Zac and I with something so beautiful that I would've never seen it coming."
"Oh, like our being together wasn't beautiful?" Why can't he just let it go?
"Jordan, it was; it really was. But you and Zac are two totally different people. There has to be a time in the place for everything. Right now, Zac and I are going out and you can't stop us in any way, so either accept it or lose my friendship." I staked.
"Do you mean that? Are you that much in love with him that you would drop our friendship?"
"I just might be. Jordan, people change over time, they never stay the same. Accept it or forget it."
And with that I walked out of the room and went to kiss Zac good-bye to let him know I was leaving for the night.