Lately, I've noticed that I don't with Toby as often as I desire. Well actually, my desires are to work with him every time I'm on a shift. But lately, lately... I've been challenging the feelings that I behold in him. As a result of this heartfelt absence, someone has taken the place of this special fellow.
Brian worked at Sonic with me; he's a cook. I'm not exactly sure when I started to actually like him, but I do remember one day when he came up to me and confronted something to me.
"Hey, did you move here because you were a slut back in California?" he asked, opening a pack of french fry cups.
I stopped grabbing a stack of small cups and replied back with a, "Where in the world did you hear that?"
"Isaac told me." Isaac is in my Chemistry class.
"Um, no, I didn't tell him that. I told him I moved here because of my dad's new job." I confirmed.
"Well, I dunno. You talk to him about that." Brian said, and walked back into the kitchen.
Some time in the past couple of weeks, I had switched out of my Advanced Chemistry class into a Basic Chemistry because I had the lowest grade in the advanced class and I wasn't learning anything. The curriculum moved too fast for me.
In the new Chemistry class, I met a guy named Isaac. He seemed nice, and immediately he had a liking towards me. He asked if I was new, and I said yes, and that I had moved to Arizona because of my dad's new job.
Then we got to talking about my old school and stuff, and I told him that one of my ex-friends started a rumor about me getting pregnant and then an abortion, and that I was a slut, etc. I guess he might have gotten the wires crossed and somehow told Brian that I moved to Arizona because I was a slut back in California. Totally false.
I then asked Isaac if what he told Brian was true. He immediately denied, and questioned why I would believe such a thing. I said that I didn't believe anyone at the moment, but I just wanted to know if he said it. Isaac got on my case about accusing him of saying something he possibly didn't. He said he didn't want me to think of him like that (after I told him what Brian said about him - that he dates many girls at a time) and that he really wanted to be my friend.
I didn't know who to believe by this time. I finally concluded that I believed neither guy, and that just this time, I would let it slide.
Sadly though, Toby was becoming a distant object in my life, and soon enough, would almost fully disappear. Brian was stepping into his place, and I wasn't sure if my feelings were right or wrong.
I have this aura, this belief, that if I like a guy (in this case, Toby), and then I don't like the guy anymore because I like another guy (again, in this case, Brian), I feel like I'm cheating on the first guy (Toby). I know it sounds weird, but it's like I'm betraying the first guy, and then I put myself down, and almost pity myself because, in a way, I'm hurting the guy, even know he hasn't a clue that I admire him.
Something was going to happen, and this time, I didn't have the slightest bit of foreshadow to see what would happen in my future life.