everything depends on this
that's what happens when you know
you'll be dead you have to grab
on now or it'll all be gone before you are
the softening sunlight pouring through
your window as you lay in bed awake because
it's after seven o' clock but
it's almost springtime
is replaced by lying awake three in the morning
someone asleep beside you and life
stirring your brain screaming your eyes
wide and focused
on the darkness until you get out of bed to pace as if
these things were a baby that just needed
some comforting
exhaustion and death
or to be alone with the darkness waiting
for somebody to pace with you
to have that or
to need
to stay there until the life that pokes and prods at you finally
dies before you
emptiness and death
but the light softly glowing beautiful peaceful filtered through flowery sheets
and although you knew
everybody else was still outside playing how
it looked filtered across the horizon in
yellows pinks and purples filtered
through your ruffled white flowered curtains and the sounds
chattering and laughter parties outside with lanterns
like sprites spirits and the older kids still sounding
like you did a few hours earlier
