20 Acres Up in Flames
(a monolog)
by Robin

There’s a ring of fire in the sky tonight. Or maybe it’s some trees. But there it is, glowing like a volcano that’s ready to explode. Lighting up the sky and making it almost impossible to stay in my lane and not get sideswiped by an eighteen wheeler going eighty-five miles per hour. Goddamn truckers. I wish I could be one.

Then I could steal him, make him come with me, maybe. Then I wouldn’t be on this road by myself right now, or thinking what it is I’m thinking. What I’m thinking is, that maybe I’ll have driven all this way, I’ll get there, and it’ll be over. And I’ll be stuck there, or have to make the whole drive back. Because maybe he doesn’t miss me, maybe there is somebody else. Maybe he’s made the move from long-distance relationship internet-porn to real hardcore flesh and blood college girl. The fucker.

That happened once. To a friend of mine. Really. She left early, drove to Vermont, to fucking Vermont, got there, got dumped, and he wanted her to stay. Wanted her to go ahead and spend the night with him, stay the whole week, or if she had to go, leave in the morning. But no, she left right then. Drove all the way back that night. Crying. In the dark. I bet the trucks were a real pain in the ass that night.

That’s what I think about on these trips. Isn’t that horrible? That, and the burning, and the trucks. And sometimes the beauty, the excitement. And sometimes, driving home, I cry, because it was all okay. And maybe my doubts will disappear. And maybe this will happen, or maybe that. Or maybe this and that forever.

I’m terrified when I pass these trucks, sure that they’ll change lanes while I’m in their gigantic blindspot, drive me off the road or crush me, tip over maybe, so I can watch my life slowly smothered by giant boards and spears of metal. So I always hold back, even if I’m holding people up, causing one of those two lane road blocks, then slam my foot down on the accelerator as fast as I possibly can the second I see a space past them that’s big enough to fit me. And my heart’s pounding the entire time, until I see their headlights shining behind me.