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Sunflower Sutra
I walked on the banks of the tincan banana dock and sat down under the
huge shade of a Southern Pacific locomotive to look at the sunset
over the box house hills and cry.
Jack Kerouac sat beside me on a busted rust iron pole, companion, we
thought the same thoughts of the soul, bleak and blue and sad-
eyed, surrounded by the gnarled steel roots of trees of machinery.
The oily water on the river mirrored the red sky, sun sank on top of the final
Frisco peaks, no fish in that stream, no hermit in those mounts,
just ourselves rheumy-eyed and hung-over like old bums on the
riverbank, tired and wily.
Look at the Sunflower, he said, there was a dead gray shadow against the
sky, big as a man, sitting dry on top of a pile of ancient sawdust--
--I rushed up enchanted--it was my first sunflower, memories of Blake--
my visions--Harlem
and Hells of the Eastern rivers, bridges clanking Joes Greasy Sandwiches,
dead baby carriages, black treadless tires forgotten and
untreaded, the poem of the riverbank, condoms and pots, steel knives,
nothing stainless, only the dank muck and the razor-sharp artifacts
passing into the past--
and the gray Sunflower poised against the sunset, crackly bleak and dusty
with the smut and smog and smoke of olden locomotives in its
eye--
corolla of bleary spikes pushed down and broken like a battered crown,
seeds fallen out of its face, soon-to-be-toothless mouth of sunny
air, sunrays obliterated on its hairy head like a dried wire spider-
web,
leaves stuck out like arms out of the stem, gestures from the sawdust root,
broke pieces of plaster fallen out of the black twigs, a dead fly in its
ear,
Unholy battered old thing you were, my sunflower O my soul, I loved you
then!
The grime was no man's grime but death and human locomotives,
all that dress of dust, that veil of darkened railroad skin, that smog of cheek,
that eyelid of black mis'ry, that sooty hand or phallus or
protuberance of artificial worse-than-dirt--industrial--modern--all
that civilization spotting your crazy golden crown--
and those blear thoughts of death and dusty loveless eyes and ends and
withered roots below, in the home-pile of sand and sawdust,
rubber dollar bills, skin of machinery, the guts and innards of the
weeping coughing car, the empty lonely tincans with their rusty
tongues alack, what more could I name, the smoked ashes of some
cock cigar, the cunts of wheelbarrows, and the milky breasts of cars,
wornout asses out of chairs and sphincters of dynamos--all these
entangled in your mummied roots--and you there standing before me in
the sunset, all your glory in your form!
A perfect beauty of a sunflower! a perfect excellent lovely sunflower
existence! a sweet natural eye to the new hip moon, woke up alive and
excited grasping in the sunset shadow sunrise golden monthly
breeze!
How many flies buzzed round you innocent of your grime, while you
cursed the heavens of the railroad and your flower soul?
Poor dead flower? when did you forget you were a flower? when did you
look at your skin and decide you were an impotent dirty old
locomotive? the ghost of a locomotive? the specter and shade of a
once powerful mad American locomotive?
You were never no locomotive, Sunflower, you were a sunflower!
And you Locomotive, you are a locomotive, forget me not!
So I grabbed up the skeleton thick sunflower and stuck it at my side like a
scepter,
and deliver my sermon to my soul, and Jack's soul too, and anyone who'll
listen,
--We're not our skin of grime, we're not dread bleak dusty imageless
locomotives, we're golden sunflowers inside, blessed by our own
seed and hairy naked accomplishment-bodies growing into mad
black formal sunflowers in the sunset, spied on by our own eyes
under the shadow of the mad locomotive riverbank sunset Frisco
hilly tincan evening sitdown vision.
~Berkeley, 1955
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