186. What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was...
187. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainlandand estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay hereand starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
188. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"
189. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
190. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door oftheir Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
191. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!" Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."
192. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test." "Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy. "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter. The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!" "That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."
193. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia...
194. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
195. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
196. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don't remember who with.
197. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this the other blonde replied "I know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her."
198. ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan "Billions Served - just today"
199. Q. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day?
A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.
200. Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
201. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
202. Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.
203. Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.
204. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
205. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
206. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
207. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
208. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
209. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
210. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
211. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
212. Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
213. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
214. Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
215. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
216. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
217. Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.
218. Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
219. Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
220. Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
221. Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods.
222. Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
223. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.
224. Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
225. Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
226. Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
227. Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
228. Q: How do ya paralyze a blonde from the neck down?
A: Marry her.
229. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
230 Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
231. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
232. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
233. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
234. Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
235. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.
236. Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
237. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
238. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
239. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
240. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.
241. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
242. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
243. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
244. Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath.
245. Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
246. Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
247. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.
248. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.
249. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
250. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
251. Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
252. Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
253. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.
254. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
255. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
256. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
257. Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
258. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
259. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
260. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
261. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: Because she loved children.
262. Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?
A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
263. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
264. What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.
265. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
266. Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
267. Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
268. Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
269. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!