Cory turned the TV on while she maneuvered past all the junk between her and the couch. She turned the Channel to BATV her favorite talk show was on; Jerry Springer. The picture on the screen became clear , the topic was “Honey I love you…. But I’m having a bizarre love affair!”. These were her favorite kind. Cordy and her cordettes used to watch Jerry all the time and make fun of all the red necks and hillbillies on the show.
Jerry stands in front on the camera: “Welcome back. Today were talking to people who love their partners but can’t keep their secret live secret any more.”
The crowd makes hooty noises
Jerry: “Our next guest is Alex he’s a high school graduate from California.”
CLAPPING
Xander walks on screen
Cordy sees Xander and jumps up so fast she spills her 1cal coke like product all over her fashion mags and sofa. She reaches for a tape on her 10th birthday, shoves it in the VCR and presses record. She laughs evilly, she always knew Xander would end up on one of these shows
Jerry: “So Alex … you and your girl friend Anya have been going out for 2 years and you’ve never told her … (says next words in deep scary voice) your deep dark secret.”
The crowd hoots Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.
Xander/Alex: “Hi Jerry” ( He looks around nervously)
Jerry: “Ok LET’S BRING OUT ANYA.”
Crowd does its thing Anya comes out looking annoyed. She sees the cameras and goes pale; she sits down next to Xander.
Jerry: “Anya you’re here so Alex can tell you his (scary voice) deep dark secret.”
Anya looks around confused: “Alex? ???”
Xander waves his hand I front of her face (she’s a bit slow, Jerry thinks).
Xander: “Anya …we’ve been going out for some time now and I think its time to tell you … (Anya looks innocently at him) … I’m seeing some one else … Its Amy were involved.”
Jerry: “BRING OUT AMY”
Steve the bouncer/security guy brings out a cage with a little black rat in it. The crowd goes silent not knowing what to think. Xander takes Amy the rat out of the cage and kisses it.
Anya gets sick
Some guy from the audience jumps up and punches Xander. The crowd starts chanting Jerry Jerry Jerry etc.
Anya jumps on Xander and starts bashing his head against the stage back drop, which falls over. Steve steps up to stop the fighting but soon joins in beating Xander to a pulp. The audience starts to chant Steve, Steve, Steve.
With this is going on in the backround Jerry does his final thoughts.
Jerry: “Is having relations with a rat good? The answer is clearly no. Not alone is there a heath risk but it’s gross. Should Alex be put in some kind of hospital, the answer is yes. Join me next time then I ask the question - marrying your mother … is that healthy? For know good night.”
Cordy clicked off the TV, stunned and grossed out. Eeeeeeewwww she needed to take a shower
Doyle: “It will help you to get over her man, you’re pathetic you know all that woe is such, and me.
Angel looked at him all depressed: sigh “Its it a bit extreme? I don’t want to get over her, she was the love of my live, my soul… or anti soul or some thing, she was my all.”
Doyle: “Listen to yourself you’re a mess. You’re a shadow of your former self. This is just the ticket to get ya back on track. Well… this or a big piss up down at Jimmy’s bar.”
Angel: “…if you think it will work…”
Doyle: “Great!” He cuts him off. He rummages in his bag and takes out a cattle prod. Oz grabs it off him (no one seems to notice or care that he magically appears.No one asks why he is even there) and starts zapping the couch, the table and other evil furniture. Zap zap zap (cause that’s the noise its makes).
Oz: “I volunteer to use it on him any time he starts thinking about Buffy or looks depressed.”
He and Doyle exchange evil smiles
Zapppppp
Angel keels over in pain. Doyle and Oz point and laugh.
Oz: “Just testing hahaha.”
Doyle and Oz do a high five and a little jig. Angel attempts to get up.
Angel: “I deserve this pain for all my past crimes against humanity.” (He says in a very Shakespeare over acting like way)
Zappppppppppppp
On To Page Two
Email The Author
