So was I.
I felt ridiculous though. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it coming and why I hadn’t done anything about it. Why didn’t I believe Lance when he told me what was going on? Why did I have to be so pigheaded and try to figure something no one person can figure out alone, alone. I cried instead of thinking about it.
“Do you think we should go out there??” Lance asked me softly once the tears had stopped coming.
I bit my lip as I looked up into his soft green eyes. The shouting was faint in my ears but I knew it was about what had happened. “Can we not??” I asked quietly as Lance smiled softly and nodded.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” He said as I nodded my head and swallowed.
I had no more tears to cry. It was the first time in my life that I had cried for so long, non-stop, and suddenly I was faced with thinking about it. I didn’t want to think about it. But I had to.
“Lance why did you come??” I asked, suddenly confused as to why he showed up at exactly the right time.
“I felt horrible for what I’d said about Javan, and I hated not talking to you. So I was coming to apologize and talk to you about it. I was right outside the door and I heard you so I ran down the hall and……..” His voice faded off as I became choked up again.
“You wanna tell me what happened??” He asked, touching my hand as I took a deep breath. I nodded my head and began.
“I was torn by what you had said. I’ve loved……Javan……my whole life as my best friend so being told that he was turning against me took me by storm. So I turned against you, told myself that it was just you being pigheaded, not me.” I said as Lance muffled a smile and I looked up at him.
“Sara asked me what you said, and she seemed taken back by it too, so I actually kind of convinced myself that you were just wrong. So she went to talk to you, and I went to talk to him…….” I said before looking down again at my fingers that were intertwining with each other.
“And that’s when it happened.” I finished. I continued to stare at my hands as Lance’s fingers intertwined with mine. I bit my lip as a sole tear ran down my cheek. Lance brushed it away with his thumb as he put his hand under my chin and tilted my head so that I met his gaze.
“This wasn’t your fault. Nothing you could have done could have changed it. Javan is a nasty guy, and though he never was, something has changed him. What he did to you was wrong, and I’m sorry you had to endure it.” He said softly as I heard the yelling continue.
“Listen to them though. If I hadn’t been so arrogant about everything, none of this would have happened. Lance they’re all falling apart and it’s because of me.” I said tearily as Lance looked at me sternly.
“They’re arguing about this because they love you. Justin would do anything in the world to protect you, as would the rest of these guys and the girls. I’ve gotta say, when I came down this hall what I saw was the last thing in the world I was ready for. I think it’s hitting everybody hard, but it’s NOT your fault.” Lance said as I swallowed and laid back against him.
*Next Day *
I stepped out of the room where Lance still lay sleeping early the next morning. Still in my clothes, I realized I had fallen asleep in his arms, and actually had been able to sleep until now, when I heard hushed arguing again. I shook my head lightly as I stepped out into the hall and began my walk to my room.
A heard a door creaking as it opened and I froze, fearing it was Javan. I had no where to go. I turned around quickly to see who was stepping out of the hall and took the deepest breath I’’d ever taken when I saw the familiar curly hair I’d grown up playing with. Justin.
“Brynn……..” Justin said lightly as he jogged up to me. His eyes were swollen as I assumed mine were too, and his arms latched around me in the tightest hug I’d ever received from him. I held him just as tightly and no words were spoken, but I knew just what he was thinking. How could Javan do this to me, to all of us??
“Justin I’m so sorry.” I said as I looked up into his blue eyes. He shook his head lightly as he rested his head on mine. “So am I.” He said softly into the air as another door opened and Javan stormed out.
I backed up against the wall and couldn’t seem to tear my eyes off of him as he stormed down the hallway toward Justin and I. I felt my hands push against the wall and my back touch the cold surface as I tried to flatten myself against it.
Javan’s cold stare tore at me and I tried to look away but for some reason couldn’t.
“You! You two are the wasted friendships I want out of my life. DID you HEAR THAT SARA!? You ALL are wasted and for that reason I’m leaving.” He yelled down the hall as Justin jumped in front of me. He was infuriated as was Javan, and the cold glares being exchanged could have pierced through the wall I was adjourned too. But again, no words were spoken.
Javan kept walking huffily until he turned around at the end of the hallway to Justin and I. “Goodbye.” He said in the normal voice he always had, ever since we were young kids. I think that simple word was what got me the most. All the sudden, he was normal again. I was so confused, I didn’t know who to trust anymore.
“Brynn!!” JC yelled down the hallway as he emerged from the same room Javan had, followed by a crying Sara, supported by Chris. The sight of Sara crying, knowing she had the most weight on her, the sight of Chris struggling to keep his love up, the sight of the worn JC, trying his best to protect me and what he knew was right, got to me.
I looked up at Justin who was staring at the 3 also. Who could I trust now?? As JC, Sara, and Chris made their way down the hall, I felt tears returning to my eyes. Becoming choked up again, I raised my hands and shook my head before jogging down the hall brushing away the tears and letting myself into my room.
I was scared to let anyone help, I was scared to let anyone near. If I couldn’t trust Javan, then could I trust Justin?? The only one with any words that seemed to help was Lance at this point. I was scared it’d all happen again.
