*Two Days Later*
“It’s not working....nothing I do is helping in any way. Chris....my two best friends are sinking way....and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to help them.” I paced back and forth across the floor in our hotel room. We were in a new city...they had another concert that night...things seemed to be going on as planned.. At least that’s what it looked like to the public...inside our group..things were falling to pieces. Justin hadn’t spoken more than a few words to anyone since it had happened....and Brynn would only talk to Lance. The fact that those two would not come to me...was eating at me. Javan had caused this, and being the strong one did not do me any good at all. I was helpless, the only thing I could do was sit back and watch.
“Baby, give it some time. You can’t expect them to bounce back quickly...Justin’s been hurt in the past, as has Brynn..pain takes time to heal..you know that.” Chris eye’s followed my moving body...he wanted to help..but he knew that I would have to deal with this on my own.
“I know it takes time..but still..why are they shutting me out...ME..the one that has always been there for them?” I stopped, my eyes connecting with Chris’, searching his chestnut eyes for answers.
“It could be the fact that when they see you..they see Javan..and that hits a little too close to home. Neither one has spoken to each other...they haven’t spoken to you...you four held such a close bond..and all it took was one to shatter that.” Chris patted the bed beside him, hoping I would sit down and calm myself some.
“Leave it to Javan to screw up everything. God why...I was happy...I had you, I had my three best friends..I had this tour...I was perfectly content, but no...someone had to come along and mess with it...just smashing up everything good.” I took up the pacing again, ignoring Chris’ simple gesture.
“Sara, will you stop and look at me.” I froze in my tracks, pivoting around so I was once again facing him. “I know this is hard on you..I know that you think you need to be the foundation in all of this..but you are only human..and you can hurt just as much as they can. If you’ll just let yourself take a good firm grasp on the situation..you’ll be able to clear your head, and figure out what you need to do in order to pull them back into reality. You know for a fact that they won’t stay in this slump forever...the only question is..how long they’ll stay.” Chris’ eyes never left mine...and his tender smile was working some on making me feel better.
Tears slowly begin to form in my eyes once again..I tried to keep them back, but they forced their way down my cheeks, causing me to blink. “Chris...I just want everything back to normal..I want all of us happy to be friends again. As much as hate to admit this.....I miss Javan.” The sobs overcame me, and I collapsed to the floor, cradling my head in my hands, letting the cries rock my body.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
“Hey.” JC’s soothing voice reached my ear drums, causing me to look away from the photo album in my lap.
“Hi.” I was quiet, I was being a bit standoffish, but I was so confused with in my own thoughts, that I wasn’t quite sure what to do, or where to turn.
“You’re taking this really hard aren’t you?” I felt him sit in the chair next to me, his eyes adjusting on the book.
“It’s kind of hard not to. On one hand I can understand where they are coming from..but on the other hand, I just want them to be back to normal. I want my friends back JC.” I flipped the page, a picture of the four of us..attacking my senses. It had been *Nsync’s first concert...Justin was so happy, Brynn and I so proud..and Javan so amazed. Lynn had taken the picture, wanting to capture the moment for all times. I had one arm around Justin..the other around Brynn..the two of us squished between the boys. Bright smiles adorned all our faces, the light shimmered in our eyes. This is what our friendship had been composed of..happy times, full of laughter, practical jokes, hugs, comfort, warmth, a feeling of knowing you belonged.
“I remember when this was taken...you three caused so many problems that day.” JC let a small smile appear on his lips, as he recalled that day as well.
“We were always causing problems...but you loved us anyway.” I closed the book, allowing my memories to continue on their journey. “What was your impression on us?”
JC glanced up at the stage, where crew members busily worked on getting it together...he scanned the rows of chairs that would be filled that night with screaming teenagers... “I knew that there was a love there that couldn’t be matched...and no matter how much time we spent with Justin..we’d never be as close to him as you three were. We used to joke about you being so strong that nothing could tear you apart..not even months on the road.. We enjoyed it though...I loved knowing that there was something that strong out there...that four people could stay friends through basically anything...that they loved each other that much.” JC stopped suddenly when he noticed the tears streaking down my cheeks. “I’m sorry Sara..I didn’t mean to.....”
“It’s okay JC...I think in a way I needed to hear that. The bond may be broken between four people..but its still there for three of us. I cannot loose them JC...I will not loose them. Brynn and Justin are so much apart of me..that if I lost them too....I wouldn’t have anything left.” I placed my head on his shoulder..allowing him to just be there. All the guys wanted to help so badly, but most hadn’t a clue as on how to help. Lizzy had tried to talk to me...wanted to give me some advice...some help..but she had left in tears...after listening to me ramble on and on. Faith and Joey brought me my favorite dinner and desserts, trying to cheer me up with a little bit of love. Chris of course was just always there when I needed him...but I knew he wished he could do more. I appreciated all the help..but the one thing I wanted, not one of them could give me. “Is it wrong to miss him?”
JC took his time in answering that question..he just sat still in his chair, taking a deep breath every few seconds. “No.”
“Then why does it hurt so much..why do I get so angry....?” I had so many questions...but no answers..and I knew that no one could provide those answers.
“Anything that has to deal with the heart..hurts like hell.” JC placed a finger under my chin, lifting my head so that I was looking at him. “Guard your heart as best you can...they need you Sara..and you know that.”
A loud blast of music blew through the speakers, and JC rose from his chair. I watched him walk off, his words echoing in my head, they brought more then he probably realized. I also had a small plan working through my system, and it involved someone that could possibly be able to bring at least Justin out of his slump. I wasn’t sure if it would work, but I had to try, I couldn’t loose anything with trying.
*Next Day*
“You have to come Kylie....he needs you.” I pleaded with her over the phone..trying desperately to give out as little information as possible.
“What about Ashli?” I knew this was coming..and I knew that I couldn’t lie.
“She’s gone.” I was being vague, but I was being honest.
“She’s gone...already. What is going on Sara?” She had me...backed up into a corner, and there wasn’t any way out...so I told her. EVERYTHING.
“Oh my God....I don’t even know what to say to that.” Kylie’s breathing had deepened as I had relayed the story..her breath quickening with every bad scene I retold.
“Just say you’ll come. I can’t handle this on my own.” If she didn’t say yes, I really would be lost.
“What about the other guys....Lizzy...Faith?” Asking Kylie to come was asking a lot out of her..and I didn’t blame her for wanting all the answers first.
“They’ve all tried...we’ve all tried. The guys are loaded down as it is..with the tour..and trying to get Justin to preform his best every night. Lance is trying to carry all of Brynn’s burdens....Kylie they can’t stay in this slump forever....I don’t think I can take it if they do.” I was starting to break down...the tears forming behind my eyes once again.
“Alright...I’m coming. I don’t know how much I can help, but if it means that much to you...I’ll be on the next flight. Sara just promise me something?” Kylie grew quiet as she waited for me to say something.
“Sure...what?”
“Whatever happens..no matter how bad they get..you WILL NOT allow yourself to fall. You’re all they’ve got, you’re all I’ve got, without you....it won’t work. I know that’s a lot to pressure you with...but you’re the glue that’s gonna stick this friendship back together.” She stopped again.....the phone stayed silent.
“I know.” I could muster only a whisper..but she was right..I was the glue..they did need me..and if I wanted any part of that friendship back..I had to stay strong.....I just had to.
