“Kylie..no no..you’re the strong one..the one that needs to help us all stick together..you can’t leave now.” A feeling of desperation plagued me, as I watched her limp body shake slowly with quiet sobs.
“Sara, if I knew I could actually do something..I’d stay...but well....” She stopped, looking up quickly, before hiding her face again..her muffled voice crept through its confines. “It’s hopeless.”
Hearing her say it knocked me backwards. I knew it was hopeless, but I had that little bit of faith keeping me going every day. Kylie had been that faith, that small amount of prayer and hope that would bring my friendship back together. If she gave up, if she left, if she knew we were fighting a losing battle.....well maybe she was right. I sat down on the floor, not bothering with walking towards the chair. I was silent, running through my mind..some sort of plan..something to keep everyone going..everyone strong.
Kylie tried to wait out the silence that had encompassed the room, but she could not stand it any longer..her head came up..her eyes growing concerned as she watched me. “Sara?”
I didn’t look up, I couldn’t move my head...my body rocked slowly backwards and forwards, my hands begin to tremble...nothing I could do would help...nothing I could to do would bring back what I had before. I felt myself closing off..for the first time since it had all happened..I wanted to just run away. Leaving it all behind me for someone else to deal with would be the perfect solution..only my feet would not move.
“Sara...Sara....” I kept hearing my voice...someone was calling me...if I could only look up..if only my head would move. The door slammed...footsteps..I heard footsteps...then silence. Nothing..I was in a room with no one...but it resembled my life...I had no one.
My body begin to quake violently..as if an outside force was shaking me..trying to get my attention. My name was being called again, only it was further off this time...as if another room..maybe another city. I felt something touch my chin..and I tried to jerk my head away, but succeeded only in giving into the persons request. My eyes met a chocolate colored depth..one of kindness..one of love, and one of concern, and fear. On their own, my arms found their way around the neck of the one that owned those eyes. My body was lifted off the ground, and placed onto the softness of the mattress. Things around me begin to take shape...and I saw Kylie..standing in the doorway, clenching her hands tightly together. Joey stood behind her..placing on hand on her shoulder...wrapping the other around Faith who stood next to him. My eyes wandered to the one who had those eyes..and Chris’ warm face glanced down at mine. He looked like he would cry, but was trying his hardest to be brave, for he would not show weakness around me.
“Baby...can you talk to me.?” I heard his words, but could not speak back to him..so I only slowly shook my head. His gaze left mine for a moment as he turned back to our audience. “Faith, please...run and get Brynn and Justin.”
Faith didn’t move, just looked at Chris curiously. “Are you sure that it’s a good idea? I think maybe we should just leave you two alone.”
“No..I’ve tried everything I can..she’s not getting better..and this...well this is all I can stand. If I have to tie the three up in a room together..they will become strong again..they will become friends again..they have to.” Chris was desperate, the seriousness in his voice causing Faith to rush out of the room.
“Chris man...I think that putting the three together is only gonna cause more problems. After what happened last night with Brynn..she’s not strong enough to try to put her life together in one go, and you know how stubborn Justin is..he’s not even talking to Kylie...what makes you think he’ll talk to Brynn and Sara?” Joey had stepped closer to me and Chris, placing his hand on my arm.
“Dammit Joey...he’s got to talk to them...they’re his best friends...if he doesn’t....” Chris couldn’t finish his sentence..for the first time since it had all happened...he cried.
Kylie came back into the room, wrapping her arms around Chris to comfort him, “Chris it will be okay...I’ll stay...I will stay.”
“Chris....I can’t find either of them anywhere.” Faith panted as she rushed up to meet Chris who had stepped out into the hallway.
Chris looked at her, patting her on the shoulder..his head down, his shoulders slumped. “I can’t stand seeing her like this Faith. It’s breaking my heart..and I can’t be strong anymore. All I want to do is take her far away from here..from all of this. I never thought that two people could cause so much pain and suffering in the lives of the ones they were supposed to love. I feel like I can’t do anything..Sara is slipping from me..she’s closing herself off faster then I can do anything about..and with what happened last night..Brynn isn’t doing any better at all. Justin shows no signs of ever letting this wall of his down..and even Kylie is ready to leave. How did this all happen?”
“Chris it will all work out...it has to.” Faith stepped closer to Chris, reaching out to take him into her arms.
“But there isn’t any guarantee that it will work out...from the looks of it....we’re just going in the wrong direction.” Chris accepted her offer, and let her hug him...but all of his doubts and worries were still there..lingering a little to close.
“We’ve got to all be strong for them Chris..if they see us affected by it..they’ll just break down more and more.” Faith wasn’t sure if she could hold true to her words, but she had to try..if not for her..then for everyone else.
“You lean on me, and I’ll lean on you..and we’ll be okay. I just hope that in the end..it all works out.” Chris rested his head against the side of Faith’s...glad to know that even with the madness that surrounded them...they still were strong enough to count on each other.
I awoke..not knowing what time it was..not remembering how I ended up lying in bed..or why someone was curled up next to me. Jumping at the sight of a body in my bed, I climbed out of it quickly, flipping the light on. Joey blinked his eyes, squinting in to the bright light.
“You’re awake...oh good....are you feeling better?” The worry in Joey’s tone calmed my nerves enough for me to sit back down next to him.
“I’m okay...what happened?” I could not remember anything that had happened that afternoon, and I was hoping Joey could enlighten me some.
“Well, Kylie came running down the hall, screaming about how you weren’t moving. Chris, myself and Faith followed her back here..where we found you sitting on the floor, incoherent to anything and everything. You wouldn’t speak, you barely even noticed that we were there...Chris sort of lost it..and then you fell asleep..and I stayed here to make sure you were okay.” Joey took a deep breath. “Do you need anything?”
“I’m a little thirsty. Where is Chris...Joey I need him.” Panic begin to take over me..I needed Chris....he had to be here with me. Joey jumped up from the bed, racing into the hallway..finding Chris down the hall..his body halfway into JC’s room.
“Man..she needs you.” Joey puffed, catching his breath.
Chris stopped his conversation with JC, turning quickly, brushing past Joey..and running towards my room.
JC poked his head out into the hall, looking at Joey who was bent over, breathing deeply. “What was that all about?”
“Sara woke up..said she needed Chris..I came to get him.” Joey glanced back down the hall. “Do you think things are gonna be okay?”
“Lizzy isn’t sure...I have a lot of faith in Justin and Brynn...I think they’ll both pull through..but to tell you the truth Joey..I’m more worried about Sara. She’s taking all of this on..like its her problem..and if things don’t start getting better soon...she’s gonna completely break underneath it.” Joey just nodded his head at JC’s word, waving good bye quickly as he worked his way towards his room..and his girlfriend.
“Sara...baby...are you okay?” Chris threw the door open, looking around the room until he eyes rested upon me.
“I’m okay..I just wanted you here.” I opened up my arms, waiting for him to come to me.
He crawled up onto the bed, allowing me to hold him..but switching places so that my head was now resting peacefully in his lap. “Shhh, baby it will be okay...it will all be okay.”
“Where’s Justin? Chris I want to talk to him.” I looked up into is soft brown eyes.
“I’m not sure. Faith went to look for him earlier, but couldn’t find him. He might be down in his room, but there is no telling.” Chris ran his fingers through my hair, causing me to drift back into a deep sleep.
“But.....well.....Chris.....” My breathing deepened, my eyes closed, my head finally at rest. Chris leaned against the back board, pulling me closer to his body. He was so scared of me closing off, and making myself really sick. I had already pretty much stopped eating..I wasn’t sleeping well..and when I did, it was restless sleep...and I was carrying everything on my shoulders..I blamed myself for everything that happened...and it wasn’t doing well for my health.
When I had finally fallen asleep..Chris carefully placed my head onto the pillow..leaving me in the dark room. He walked down the hall towards Justin room...he had to get to the bottom of all this...if not for my sake..for his.
He knocked softly on the wooden door, silently praying that Justin would open the door..and thankfully he did. “Justin man..can I talk to you?” Chris placed his hand on the door, not allowing Justin to close it.
“Umm..well I guess.” Justin pulled the door open, allowing Chris access to pass by him. “Is there a reason for this visit..or did ya just come to say hi?”
“It’s about Sara....” As Chris said my name, Justin begin to close off..backing towards the wall furthest away from Chris.
“I can’t talk about this Chris...it’s just something I can’t talk about.” Justin sat down in the chair, looking over at Chris.
“You have no choice Justin. She’s hurting..and not just emotionally. She’s killing herself physically over you and Brynn...I can’t take seeing her like this..and I know very well that its eating at you. If you don’t go and talk to her..if you don’t make her feel better..you’re gonna be losing more then just her friendship...you’re gonna end up losing her. I can’t take losing her Justin..so please...just talk to her.” Chris was talking himself in circles, and he felt like getting on his knees and begging him...Justin was the key to my happiness...as much as he hated admitting that to himself...he couldn’t make me better this time.
“Chris..if I could..I would have...” Justin stuttered through is answer, for he knew that it was his fear that kept him from talking to me.
“Don’t give me that Justin..its not that you can or can’t..its that you won’t. Fear has always kept you from doing things you knew were right...this time..you’ve got to push that aside, and do what your heart tells you. Please.” Chris took a few steps closer to his friend, hoping that his pleading would do some good.
Justin took a few deeps breaths to give himself some strength for what he was about to say...but if he kept telling himself that it was for me..he could manage...at least he hoped. “Chris I will do the best I can...that’s all I can promise though...”
“Thank you Justin..you don’t know how much that means to me..and to her....” Chris ran forward to give him a hug, but Justin backed off..not ready for things like hugs yet. “Umm..Yeah...well I’m gonna go check on her...I’ll talk to you later man.”
Justin watched Chris leave his room..shaking his head. He wasn’t sure if he could do what Chris wanted him too..but he had to try. However if he was gonna go through with it..then by all means Brynn was going to. Now if he could just find her..and explain it to her. If he thought all the hard times were over...he was in for a surprise...everything was just beginning.
