Chapter Thirty-Eight

We walked into the hospital as a great burden was put on my shoulders. I 
really didn't have the guts to do this. 'What am I gonna say to her?' I asked 
myself as we walked through the waiting room to her room. I walked in and saw 
my mom in a leg cast, she had a sling on her arm and her face was kinda 
swollen. She didn't realize we were standing outside. I walked in the room as 
a big load of anger rose inside me. My mom looked over and kinda smiled. 
"Mandy…I" She blurted out but quickly shut up by my tears. "You killed him!" 
I said pointing at her. "I told you to stop drinking and I thought for once 
you would actually try!" I started to raise my voice. "Now look what you have 
done…You killed your only son…my only little brother!" "The doctors were 
able to spare your life with the liver, but they cannot spare my baby 
brother's life." Justin reached for my arm and I pulled away. "Well? Say 
Something!" I screamed. She sat there. I cried harder. "I'm sorry Mandy." My 
mom said. "SORRY?!" "YOUR SORRY?!" "SORRY WON'T BRING JEFFREY BACK!" I 
screamed. "Mandy, come on, let's go." Justin said taking my arm. I pulled 
away again. "You are nothing… nothing, but a murderer!" I said walking out of 
the room and storming down the hall. 

*~*

Justin had never seen Mandy so upset like this before. He chased after her 
down the hall.  He turned the corner too see emptiness. 'Where did she go?' 
Justin asked himself as a confused look came over his face. 'Find her' 
Another voice said in his head. Justin walked down the hall. "Mandy?" He said 
out loud. He started to pick up the pace as his heart started to beat 
faster…"Mandy!" He said now louder. 'The car' He said to himself as he turned 
around and headed to the elevator. The door opened up as two people started 
to walk out. Justin saw the figure of Mandy sitting in the corner of the 
elevator her head in her knees sobbing. Justin kneeled down  and put his hand 
on her shoulder. "You ok?"  Mandy looked up at Justin Tears streaming down 
her face. She held something in her hand. Justin took her hand and opened it. 
There sat a picture from the clipping in the news paper from the obituary. 
"Where did you get this?" Justin asked eyeing Mandy. She pointed to the guy 
that was just on the elevator. Justin looked at Mandy there was such pain and 
sorrow in her eyes. He wanted to just make it all better. He wanted to see 
her eyes sparkle and her face glow. He didn't know what to do. "Justin I just 
wanna go home ok?" She said. Justin Smiled warmly and took her hand.  "Ok, 
let's go home." 

*~*

Mandy walked in to see Audrey and Cynthia and Jc waiting on the couch when we 
got there. Audrey saw Mandy's tears and knew that the trip didn't help. 
"Audrey I need to go shopping for a dress for my brothers funeral, You wanna 
come with me?"  Audrey nodded. Cynthia spoke up. "Mind if I tag-along?" She 
asked. I nodded. "Sure." I said. "I will drive you!" Jc said. I shook my 
head. "I really don't feel like dealing with a bunch of screaming girls." I 
said. Jc frowned. "What if I disguised myself?" He asked. "Yeah, I wanna go 
to!" Justin said heading upstairs. "Whatever I just wanna get in get the 
dress and get out." I said. Audrey walked up to me and hugged me. "When's the 
funeral?" She asked. "Tomorrow." I cried.

*The next day*

I woke up to Justin holding me so tight. I didn't want to wake up. At that 
point Justin was the only reason I was alive. Jeffrey's viewing hours were in 
an hour the actual ceremony was in three. It was nine o clock in the morning. 
'Please god tell me this is all a dream' 'Please let me be safe in the 
mountains with Justin and everyone is fine.' I prayed to myself. I felt 
Justin kiss the back  of my head. "Mandy…you gotta wake up." I rubbed 
Justin's arm around me. "I know I said my voice cracking. "Just please don't 
leave me I won't be able to do this without you." I cried. Justin smiled 
warmly and kissed my forehead. "I know that you need me and I promise I will 
be here for you…forever."

We pulled in the drive of the Funeral home. Justin held my hand ever so 
tightly.  "You ready?" he asked. "Who can be ready for a situation like 
this?" I said. Audrey in the backseat got out and stretched.  Justin kissed 
my lips and wiped the tears from my eyes.  We were sitting in the small room, 
all the guys were wearing their black suits, I was wearing a black dress, and 
the other girls were dressed different ways in black. Someone knocked on the 
door of the room. I stood up and opened it, I was surprised to who I saw 
standing there. 

"Daddy." I said crying in his arms. "Oh dad, I am so glad to see you." I 
hugged him tightly. Crying on his black suit. "Mandy, are you ok?" he asked 
in his husky voice. I frowned and shook my head, but at least I have my 
friends to care for me I said turning to them staring at my dad. Audrey stood 
up and hugged him. "It's good to see you again Audrey, I just wish we didn't 
have to meet this way." He said. My dad stared around the room. He knew who 
Shawna was but he didn't recognize anyone else. "The guys look familiar do I 
know you guys?"  I grabbed my dads arm and introduced them. "Dad I would like 
you to meet…Chris, Heather, Lance, Joey, Jc, Cynthia, and Justin. Justin 
stood to shake my dad's hand. My dad stood there kinda in shock.  "No." he 
said. "Not the Justin she's been bonkers over for about 3 years." He said 
gazing around the room. "Nsync?" I kinda laughed. "Yes." I said. My dad 
always knew how to brighten the room. "How did you pull that off?" He asked. 
The usher walked in "You may go in now." The weight seemed to come back on my 
shoulders as I took my dad's hand and kissed his cheek. I went to Justin to 
be my strength. We walked into the room. There sat a small casket. I saw my 
brother. He had a cut above his head. The tears formed in my eyes, as Justin 
led me to the casket.  I was staring down at my brother. I grabbed his cold 
hand and cried. "I love you Jeffrey, you'll always be in my heart, I'm sorry 
I wasn't a better sister, and I wasn't always there for you." I kissed his 
cold head and wiped my hand over his face. "Good-bye Bubba." I said walking 
away. We sat in our chairs as I sat in between Justin and My dad.  The 
preacher stood up to talk as we cried. Finally it was time to close the 
casket. Sat there as the ushers slowly closed it. "NO!" I cried outloud. 
"Please god. I said reaching out for him as Justin held tighter to my hand. I 
stood up and started to go to the casket as Justin grabbed my arm. "Mandy, 
let him go." I fell on my knees crying in my hands.  "He wouldn't have died 
if I would have been home." "we could have picked him up!" I screamed looking 
at the soft auburn casket that held my brothers body.  Justin helped me up 
and walked me outside. I cried on his arm while he comforted me.

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