I too have miscarried and I hope that the words I am going to say are taken to heart.

With my miscarriage came uncertainty, I was unsure that I will ever have another child, and if I do will it be normal. I also felt angry, I was angry with God. I am not a real religious person, but I knew that I had to be mad at someone, it seemed only fair that it was the higher power. I was mad that he would let me be pregnant and bond with this baby only to have it taken away before I truely knew him or her. It was hard for me to accept that this baby was not developing right and that it had to leave me after only 3 months.

I was extremely sad and didn't know where to turn. My husband wasn't greiving enough for me. I accused him of not caring and of the baby not meaning anything to him. I was wrong, men are taught to deal with things differently from women early on in life. He grieved but I didn't see it. I found refuge on the internet, I found several support boards and shared my story, it really helped me to know that other
people had and will go through the same thing that I had. Although it was sad hearing it all over again, it made my pain valid.
I understood that it was ok for me to greive for a baby that I had growing inside of me for only 3 months. Woman would greive for babys they carried for only a week, and that was ok too.

I am in the process of reading "Our Stories of Miscarriage, healing through words", this book makes me cry which I see as part of the healing process. It is comforting that I am not the only woman that this has happened to. You aren't either, the statistic is that 1 in 5 pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Not an easy thing to read but it is the truth. It is also true that just because this has happened doesn't mean that it will happen again.
Hard words to hear I know, I heard those words several times from my Dr. once on the gurney in the recovery room. I faught back the tears everytime I heard it, I didn't want to think about getting attached to another baby that I might loose.

I am not pregnant yet but hope to be soon, this next pregnancy will be hard to handle but I have to hope for the best. I can't let this ruin the rest of my life, I will always remember this baby, always in my heart and mind as the baby whos life thouched my if even for just a short time.



A poem to my sweet angel
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