The Book Of Eccles.
Chapter One
Being commanded by
the Lord to set down those things which
he commandeth me to set down,
and by the grace of His divine wisdom
and much strong drink, I do bear
witness to all that I setteth down.
Nor was it in sacred Jerusalem
that these things passeth, but in
Adar, an ill begotten flea pit
of a village a few miles down the road from
Corinth.
Silas begot Fohal who begot
Risbat who begot Garjan who is father to
my sister Judith, but no one
has the faintest idea who begot me, wherefore
I am a thorn in my fathers
side, and an embarrassment to my mother.
And it came to pass that as
Garjan went forth to plow manure into the
fields, he was visited by a
multitude of flies, and he did lament loudly unto
the Lord saying "Wherefore
oh God doest thou bring upon me such misery?"
And behold the Lord appeareth
unto him!
And the Lord spaketh unto
Garjan saying "Why doest thou complain unto
me oh Garjan for thy load is
easy and thy burden light"
And Garjan replyeth "Thou
hast to be joking oh God of my fathers!
For yea I am beset with woe at these
thy creatures!"
But the Lord counselleth him saying
"What doest thou expect if
thou doth carry bags of shit upon thyself?
Get a decent job and stop botheringeth me!"
And it came to pass that Garjan
came home in misery, and beateth me upon
the head and neck. And my mother cried in anguish saying
"Leaveth the boy alone thou miserable old sod, whereupon
Garjan sayeth
"Bugger this, I'm off to the vineyards to get drunketh."
And it was in those days that
my mother gave shelter and great comfort to
many a weary traveller.
Now, my sister Judith was
overflowing with desire for a young man of
the village who was named
Dasrad. And she toiled many days to maketh beautious
robes to impress him. Yea she shorteneth the hemline unto the mountains
and maketh the neckline to sinketh unto the pit.
But Dasrad saw her not, for
his heart was toward me. And behold, this gaveth
me disquiet and I spent many
nights in meditation and solitude.
And it came to pass that I met
Dasrad on the road and spake with him saying
"Doest thou think that thou
can sway me?" and he sayeth, "Thou knowest not
what my mouth can achieve"
And it came to pass that he showed me and I was
filled with amazement and joy.
This causeth Judith to teareth
her hair and beateth her breast. But I was
content, and mocked her.
And behold, Judith cried forth
unto Garjan and her laments hardened his heart
toward me. And it came to pass
that Garjan tore his robe and put ashes upon his
head so that all who saw him
sayeth "What an idiot" and he commanded me to
leave his house.
And Dasrad openeth his door to
me and gave me food and wine and.... succor.
And I was content.
Now it came to pass that a rich
man came to the village of Adar seeking
enlightenment. His clothes were
of the costliest silk and his bags full of silver
and his bridle and saddle of
heavy gold and his horse exhausted.
And there also went with him
many servants and musicians who filled the street
with song as they beat back the
people of Adar who tried to lighten the load of silver
from his tired horse.
And Judith approached him
wearing her most beautious robe and seeing her, he
was filled with need and took
her upon his horse, whereupon she looked and beheld
Dasrad, and gaveth him the
finger.
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