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Joke's and Cartoon's from Luke
OK, so I'm a 'COOL' rocking chick! ... Cos I love the gag's on this kid's web site.
"Anyone want to dance. then?"
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* SNAKE JOKE *
A young snake turning to his dad, who was very large indeed, ...
"Hey dad, when I grow up to be as big as you, am I supposed to
crush other creatures, or am I supposed to poison them with a bite ?
Daddy Snake - "Oh, my dear son, when you get as big and powerful as me,
you will crush them, .... Why do you ask?"
Young Snake - "Oh, thank goodness dad, ... I've just bitten my tongue" !!!
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* POLITICAL JOKE *
Why are politicians like a 'baby nappy' ! - Cos they need to be changed regular..?
WHY ? .. Cos they are 'full of it' !
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* DOCTOR JOKE *
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bell ?
Doctor - "Well, just go home and if the feeling persists, give me a ring"?
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Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible ?
Doctor - "Who said that"?
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Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live, can you help me ?
Doctor - " Just sit down and wait a minute"?
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Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate. One minute I'm ok, the next
minute my mind goes blank !!!
Doctor - "How long have you been like that"? ..
Patient - "Like what?"
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Why don't rabbit's date hare's ?..
.. Cos they're 'hare' today and gone tomorrow ?
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* WAITER JOKE *
Waiter - "Hello, how did you find the steak sir?
Customer - "Well, I just rolled over a pea, and there it was" ?
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Customer - "Waiter, come her now ! ... What's this 'fly' doing in my soup" ?
Waiter - "Um, it looks like it's doing the backstroke, sir" ?
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Customer - "Waiter, there's a 'fly' in this soup ?
Waiter - "Be quite sir, Or they will all be wanting one" ?
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* THOUGHT FOR THE DAY *
The length of a minute depends on which side of
the bathroom door you're standing on ?
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'SANTA'S WORKSHOP'
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* ASIAN TAXI DRIVER'S JOKE *
- Rudy's Taxi Awards of the Year - Leading Nominees -
Achmed bal Sinduhree - Leads the profession in heart attacks given.
to his fares, 19 in all. 13 of which were fatal!
Mabusu Abwana Hitutu - Scores points for continually finding the
most expensive and 'longest' route!
John Dabu Smith - Very Impressive, but loses points for insisting on
speaking English to all his customers!!
Carlos Rueben Juan de Jesus Rodriguez Sharma - Hasn't missed a biker, Yet!
Govind Sarad - Two strengths; Loud, monotonous Indian music,
and a very strong Madras 'Curry' odor!
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* JAPANESE AIR-FORCE JOKE *
A Japanese waiter, in a hotel bar, was listening to two retired
Air Force pilots who were talking about their war - time exploits.
One of the pilots, an American, who was bragging said, ..
"Why, I shot down down four enemy planes, during the war" !
The second pilot was also bragging, saying, ..
"That's nothing, I shot down ten enemy planes during the war" !
The Japanese waiter, not wanting to be left out of the conversation,
turned to both the other retired pilots, saying, ..
"Ah, excuse me please, my brother, Chow Mein ... was a Kamikaze pilot
in the war, he had over twenty successful missions" ?
Looking very surprised, one of the other two pilots replied,
"How can he have had over twenty successful missions,
if he was a Kamikaze pilot" ?
"Ah", replied the Japanese waiter, "He was 'CHICKEN CHOW MEIN' ?"
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* BLIND MAN & DOG JOKE *
A blind man was walking down the street with his guide dog...
They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic.
The dog, at this point, started to 'pee' on the mans leg.
When the dog had finished the blind man reached into his coat pocket and
pulled out a doggy treat, which he started to wave at the dog?
A passer by saw all this, and stopped to ask the blind man, how he could
possibly reward his dog, when the dog had just done a nasty deed
and pee'd down his leg?
The blind man replied, "Oh, I'm not rewarding him" ...
"I'm just trying to find his head, so I can kick his silly butt" ?
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THE ACTOR
A young lad decided he wanted to become an actor, so he went
to find a agent who would help him.
"What do you do?" asked the agent.
"Bird impressions," said the young lad.
"What kind of bird impressions?" said the agent.
The lad quickly answered, "I eat worms."
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HISTORICAL FACT
Teacher; Why did the roman's build all their roads straight?
Little boy; So the Britons couldn't lie in ambush round the corner !.
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SANTA'S ACCIDENT
And always wear a crash helmet !
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In which American city do you find cow's ? - 'Moo York.'
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TO SPEED OR NOT TO SPEED
A big flashy American car came whizzing through
a sleepy little English village and screeched to a halt.
The American tourist called out to an old local male inhabitant,
"Say, am I on the right road for Shakespeare's birthplace?"
"AY, straight on sir," said the old man,.. .. but no need to rush like that.
He's been dead for years?"
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BUGS + BUGS =
Teacher to boy; "Why are you scratching your head?"
Boy; "Cos I've got those arithmetic bugs again"
Teacher; "Arithmetic bugs - what are they?"
Boy; "Well some people call them head lice".
Teacher; "So why then do you call them arithmetic bugs?"
Boy; "Because they add to my misery, subtract from my pleasure,
divide my attention and multiply like crazy! ".
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** POLICE WARNING ! **
'Neighborhood Watch in this area'?
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IN THE ARMY NOW !
Mum to son; "Where are you off to now Tommy?"
Tommy; "I'm off to join the British Army, mum !"
Mum; "But legally Tommy, you're only an infant?"
Tommy; "That's alright, I'm going to join the Infantry !"
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Hey Kid's..
Want to see even more Joke's and
Animated Cartoon's?
CLICK the GOLD !
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(A safe kid's site)
