201) Always use the buddy system. Also, make sure that your buddy is slower, weaker, or dumber than you are.
202) NEVER eat/drink ANYTHING brought forth for a weird ceremony.
203) NEVER make it obvious that you did not eat/drink anything brought forth for the weird ceremony.
204) Don't be a belligerent drunk. They have a nasty habit of getting left behind by the group and wandering to a deserted room (= deathtrap) to sulk.
205) When investigating a house or place shunned by the whispering townsfolk, don't try on the clothes in the trunk in the attic, don't look in the mirrors, and don't read the diaries.
206) If the barber remarks on the "666" tattoo your buzzcut kid now has, abandon the kid and move to Irkutsk.
207) Remember, the priest will NEVER make it to your domicile to relieve you of those pesky supernatural occurrences. Whether by plane, train, auto, horse, donkey, bus, or afoot, he'll never ever make it to your doorstep alive (unless he's secretly in league with Satan).
208) Never walk backwards!
209) If you are traveling through a wasteland and the locals advise you to go no further that night, DON'T!
210) Do not poke strange steaming rocks with sticks.
211) If you rise from the dead, you'd better learn to like human flesh, 'cause you're gonna eat some.
212) Don't run through the woods wearing high heels, as most of the time one of the heels will break.
213) If, at any point, you are running from a monster/villain in a car/truck/etc..... don't ever run straight on the road. Zig Zag, run off the road, do a U-turn, what ever! It's faster than you, and will catch up.
214) Don't ever repeat the words someone tells you wrong. Then for sure you'll have the monsters after you. And if that happens fight like there's no tomorrow. And if all else fails RUN LIKE HELL!!
215) If you see a burly man wearing a hockey mask and toting a hatchet/chainsaw/axe/electronic-brain-sucker-thingy, DO NOT stick around to see if he's with the Philadelphia Flyers.
216) Never, never, NEVER try to remove the mask from the 'dead' villain. (i.e.: Predator 2) He'll just get up again, and this time he's gonna be pissed.
217) When going down the basement stairs, (You will... you ARE in a horror film, right?) always send your little brother/sister/grandpa/grandma down first; this'll tell you if something's hiding under the steps.
218) If you are a wuss and run away from one confrontation with the serial killer/demon/spirit/slavering-beast, you WILL die later on in the film. This is guaranteed. (i.e.: My Bloody Valentine.)
219) Above all, remember this: your friends, family, and enemies, they are all expendable.
220) If you’re running desperately away from a big boogie monster in the woods. A) He's going to pop up on front of you B) Your going to trip on something and end up on your butt just before something cleaves your head from your shoulders...Your going to die anyhow... so why not try running backwards.
221) If the Damn power suddenly shuts off. Dooonnn't go try to fix the generator.
222) Learn Karate, Well...at least no one’s tried to roundkick Jason yet...
223) Sudden and loud noises coming from the tool shed are generally bad, don't be a smart ass and go check it out.
224) If you have a cat, give it away. The stupid thing is only going to get trapped in a locked cabinet or closet somehow and scare the living bejeezus out of you when you open it. This, of course, sets you up to be killed the instant you leave the room. Buy a goldfish instead.
225) If you plan to lose your virginity at summer camp or while a psycho killer is on the loose, well, at least you'll die happy.
226) If you are battling the bad guy and suddenly find yourself fighting a loved one (dead or alive), kill them immediately. Do not think that by divine intervention, that the bad guy is whisked away to hell and, for your efforts, is replaced by your dead mother, father, etc..... Its a trick, just kill them.
227) Kill everyone you see. If one is possessed, assume all are possessed. Its easier that way. Besides, the whining cousin will only slow you down anyway. Kill them all and let God sort them out. If he's as perfect as we believe, he'll forgive you.
228) Don't stay at Farmer Vincent's Motel.
229) Don't buy Farmer Vincent's meats.
230) Don't be a lurker. Lurkers creep in the shadows, watching people make out. They are always the first to go.
231) Don't trust anyone with the name of Voorhees.
232) No matter how much you're tempted to, no matter how much you want to, DO NOT go skinny dipping in the lake.
233) When realizing there are over 10 dead people in the woods, don't lock yourself in a deserted house in which the phone lines are dead.
234) If you are in a car, the engine stalls, and a murderer is on the loose, you have a 99% chance of dying.
235) If you happen to run into a house with the monster behind you and lock the door, DON'T stay near the door!
236) Never buy your kids a toy that talks back.
237) Keep careful track of the number of times you say the magic word that evokes the evil spirit.
238) NEVER say to your friends: "Whatever you do, don't say _____," and say the magic word that invokes the evil spirit.
239) Do not incorporate the magic word that invokes the evil spirit into a catchy tune.
240) Contrary to popular belief, most demons are not helpful and/or loyal.
241) If you're a zero in real life, you'll be a hero in your dreams.
242) Be resourceful. Whoever came up with the idea of putting holy water in a water gun must have memorized every episode of "Macgyver".
243) When you're in a group, sleep in shifts. When you're alone, drink a LOT of coffee.
244) If it tastes like chicken, don't ask for seconds.
245) Never visit doctors with last names that imply insanity, death, or evil... no matter how highly recommended they come.
246) If somebody tells you he's from the future, believe him unquestionably.
247) Never announce openly that you're not afraid, you don't believe, or that you're fully prepared. You're just asking for it.
248) Try hard to recall any strange dreams you may have recently had. They will inevitably come into play at some point.
249) Never try to trick your friends into believing that YOU are the monster. If the real monster doesn't kill you, your friends will.
250) Follow all care instruction of strange animals to the letter.
251) If you ever come across the phone number of an organization designed to help with a particular sort of monster, write it down and put it in a safe place.
252) Stay indoors on the night of a full moon.
253) After hearing the first news report of a bizarre murder victim found drained of all blood, leave town IMMEDIATELY!
254) In archaeology class, stay home for the unit on local folklore.
255) Never trust a robot.
256) Don't succumb to peer pressure, even when they're passing around the bottle. Remember, Just Say No to human blood.
257) If the cross in your local church is upside-down, bleeding or otherwise mutilated, find the nearest exit.
258) Get as much information as you can about the previous tenants of your new home before you move in. It'll just save you aggravation in the long run.
259) Do your community a favor and torch the local occult bookstore. They're usually more trouble than they're worth.
260) If you see a clown walking the streets of your town, stay away from the sewers.
261) If you are at a pool party and a man with blades on his fingers shows up and starts killing people, don't try to comfort or calm him down, just run.
262) Sudden extreme changes in temper usually causes things to explode.
263) If the garden pests grow to immense proportions, kill hamsters, scream loudly, or lunge, move away! THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR FOR GARDEN PESTS!
264) If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it's in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back and kick ass, no explanation needed.
265) Never, EVER, tell anyone where you keep your Mojo.
266) Don't open the door.
267) The less equipped you are to survive the movie, the better.
268) Never do anything morally wrong (pre-marital sex, drugs, making fun of the hero/heroine, etc.....)
269) Never allow yourself to be hurt. You will inevitably go off by yourself to sulk.
270) The monster will never attack until you are aware of it. Often, it will even wait for you to become scared of it.
271) Never buy ANYTHING in an old burial ground.
272) If you are a jerk, kill yourself. Save yourself and others a lot of pain.
273) Never attempt to investigate the horror stories of a small town, no matter how certain you are that they are false. They are true and you will die if you go.
274) Never say, "It's over", "It's dead", or "I killed it".
275) Never look closely at any dark space after hearing or seeing anything strange.
276) Curiosity kills.
277) Don't take off any clothes.
278) If you "have a bad feeling about this" go with it, and leave.
279) If you see a book entitled "How to Serve Man" don't board the alien spaceship.
280) Don't bother to warn anybody about the monster, they won't believe you anyway.
281) Don't buy antiques from strange magic stores. While it won't do what the owner tells you it will do, it does do SOMETHING.
282) Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie.
283) If you ever pull the plug on a scientist's experiment, he will go mad and do the experiment anyway, with the intention of slaughtering you and all of your loved ones.
284) If you get a strange phone call, get out of the house. It's coming from below you.
285) If you have the unfortunate luck to appear in an Italian zombie film, just stand around and wait for them to get you. What the heck, you're lunch no matter what happens.
286) Never pretend to be the/a local "deceased" or "imprisoned" psychopath. For some reason, he tends to go after you first.
287) If you do impersonate the killer, never leave his trademark mask lying around. Guaranteed, you will not be the next one to wear it, but that face will at least look familiar when you die.
288) If you are a friend of someone who impersonated the killer as a joke and then someone apparently is trying the same gag again, run. Don't look for your friend either, mourn him later on.
289) Never, EVER feed the strange animal that your father bought for you in China Town, after midnight.
290) The monster is never dead until everyone else is!
291) If a demon tells you he'll let you go if you help him, don't listen. The guy who helps the demons always dies. DEMONS ALWAYS LIE.
292) If you are dealing with demons, don't let anyone out of your sight. The guy who goes off alone always gets possessed.
293) If the strange drifter carrying an ancient key tells you that you are safe inside, then listen to him. The demons, zombies, psychos, etc. always get inside because of the guy who thinks he knows what he is doing. Stop him at all costs.
294) If you think you just killed the monster, don't touch it. That is the easiest way to die. Always empty several rounds into it before assuming it is dead. 295) If you aren't the main character, then listen to what he/she says. For the most part the main character survives.
296) When the old drunk man becomes possessed and tries to choke the hero, kill him as quickly as possible. He will try to stall you and act human, but he isn't. Don't listen to him. Just kill him.
297) When you hear scary music run the other direction!
298) Never, under any circumstance, ever plan a camping trip that coincides with Friday the 13th.
299) If an alien creature has access to a shoulder-cannon, sharp teeth and/or limbs, or a 15-mile long ship that could destroy your whole city, don't look at it in awe and try to shake hands with it.
300) If you know that an alien creature bleeds ultra-corrosive slime, never fire a big-bore weapon point-blank at it's face.
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