401) If your stomach hurts and you recently had a heartache by an alien that pops out of your stomach then 9 out of 10 people would agree that that’s no heart burn.
402) If you made it to the sequel of a movie where goblins popped out of the john then whatever you do don't take a crap cause you might lose a lot more then just your life.
403) If you have to relieve yourself, hold it in. Anyone who drops a loaf or urinates either gets slashed in the woods, impaled while in the out-house, or gets sucked down the can.
404) Keep your car windows rolled up at all times.
405) The boogieman IS coming to get you, so you better start believing in him fast.
406) The police are NOT going to believe you, so don't even bother going to them!
407) If you get dared to do anything, remember: Darers go first.
408) When bad guys get angry, they don't make mistakes. They just hurt you even more.
409) If you have witty lines AND top billing, that's a good sign you're gonna live.
410) Be as attractive as you can possibly be; it improves your chances of living.
411) Never "try and be funny". No one likes your jokes, accept that and go on with your life (however short it is.)
412) If it's your first movie, you're probably dead.
413) If you meet someone who has no reason to be there, chances are it's them doing the killing.
414) ANY and ALL dolls are bad! If you see any type of doll at all, whether it be an action figure or an African tribal totem, BURN IT!
415) If you receive a strange object with directions, FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS!
416) By now you've realized certain attire should be avoided at all costs (Halloween masks, clown suits, badges, etc.) However, none of these can approach the danger level of a wedding dress -- the more old-fashioned, the deadlier. Don't wear it and run like hell from anyone that does.
417) An exception to the above can be made for your bride-to-be ONLY if in a church full of real people whom you know. If she shows up wearing it anywhere else, or in an empty church, leave now or expect a honeymoon in Hell.
418) If you're being chased by a giant, radioactive Monster, Subways, Skyscrapers, Nuclear Power Plants or (God help you!) Tokyo Tower are not good places to hide. In general, giant radioactive Monsters have a strong preference for destroying famous landmarks (Eiffel Tower, White House etc.), as opposed to lesser known structures.
419) When you've beaten the monster into a bloody pulp and you think it's dead, think again the monster is not dead, nor will it die it's just resting. Take this opportunity to leave the city, state, or even the country.
420) Any seed pods approximately the size and/or shape of a human being should be destroyed immediately. Burn them or hack them to shreds; a few squirts of Roundup will not suffice.
421) Giant eggs of any kind should also be destroyed, and for God's sake don't try to cook and eat them.
422) Always wear track shoes. Your life may depend on outrunning a buddy.
423) If your new house tells you to get out, DO IT.
424) Never never NEVER say 'I'll be back.'
425) If the police who are protecting you from a killer are sitting outside your house in their squad car, get the hell out of town. They're already dead & the monster is right behind you!
426) Save yourself lots of time & trouble....kill everyone else.
427) As soon as you see the monster, chase it & rip it's mask off. You're as good as dead anyway & at least the people watching the movie will get to see what he looks like.
428) It is NOT a good idea to have a party/sex/booze in the graveyard/haunted house/mausoleum.
429) If the ATM machine calls you an asshole, avoid ALL mechanical devices.
430) If the locals advise you to stick to the road, stay off the moors, and beware the moon, Take heed.
431) If you survive an attack by a werewolf and your dead friend, who wasn't so lucky, visits you from beyond the grave to tell you that the next full moon you will spout hair and fangs, believe him and kill yourself. It will save you a lot of pain and guilt and many people from death.
432) If your dentist looks like that guy from LA Law, cancel your appointment immediately.
433) If you're in a large mausoleum and a little silver sphere is flying towards you--please duck or go hide. Standing in place could result in severe loss of blood from the forehead.
434) Don't ever try to open a door that has been sealed for a long time or if you don't know what reason it was sealed for. There is about a 95.7% chance that it was done for a very damn good reason !!
435) Never answer the phone in a horror movie.
436) Never feed anything after midnight.
437) When you've knocked the killer to the floor and dazed him, for god's sake don't try to whack him anymore! He'll just block you and get really pissed. Just get the hell out of there!
438) If you shoot, stab, bludgeon, burn or otherwise do something harmful to the killer, make sure it's lethal, or else chances are, 5 minutes later he'll be immune to it.
439) When you've knocked the killer down the steps and the only way out of the house is over his supposedly dead body, just use the window.
440) Never EVER piss on the grave/tomb/entrapment of a madman/monster/etc.!
441) If you're cornered on the 28th story, just jump out the window. It's quicker and less painful.
442) If you impersonate the dead mother of the killer, DON'T let him know you're not her just before attempting to kill him. JUST KILL HIM!
443) If you make eye contact with the killer, even if it had no interest in you before, you are dead meat, wherever you run.
444) DON'T hide in a barn, warehouse or other enclosed area with only one exit!
445) And most of all, DON'T TRY FISTICUFFS AGAINST THE UNDEAD KILLER!!!
446) NEVER go to the prom on the anniversary of your, or your friends little sister. Or you will more than likely DIE!!!!!!!!!
447) A 20 Gigawatt Plasma gun might help you to survive a while. Get one as fast as you can and don't forget the flame-thrower optional upgrade.
448) If you are about to be killed, dare the psycho to do it. If you want to die you probably won't.
449) Before you get killed by an undead creature, find out it's secret of eternal life and come back after it.
450) If you see credits...... then you are saved (until the sequel)
451) If you are female and the psycho is male (or vice-versa) then fall in love with the cornball, if he does kill you, he'll go mad and kill himself, saving millions at the cost of your own life, you'll get a higher reward and will be worshipped as a hero/heroine and probably come back to avenge the psycho.
452) If you are being chased by an idiot, turn around and run towards them, they'll turn around and run away (am I the only person who ever thought of this?)
453) Hug the killer, they will be so overcome with emotion that they'll let you live.
454) Be nice to everyone, including Jason and Freddy (I find it hard not to like Freddy), kill people for him and you will be highly favored in the eyes of serial killers everywhere.
455) It doesn't matter if their Lucky Charms are magically delicious, steer clear of Leprechauns!!!!!!!!
456) If you try to open the car door, but had to go and get your keys because you forgot them, do not get into the car when you return if the doors are suddenly unlocked and the windows are steamy. This generally means the killer is in the car.
457) If you find yourself in the sequel in a hospital where only 5 people are working and there are no other patients, leave and go to the set of ER.
458) Never have puppets lying or hanging around in your room, eventually, they will become possessed and try to kill you.
459) The boogie-man is NEVER dead.
460) Just stay inside on all holidays, none of them are safe anymore!
461) Never trust some one who can speak Latin besides Catholic Priest.
462) Never, NEVER, under any circumstance hit any one who is possessed, just to save her you will spend all eternity in Hell.
463) Never wish for some one to return from the dead who was buried graphically and never found. They or a hell bound murderer will turn against you.
464) Never eat the bad guy's heart, no matter how tasty it looks.
465) Don't ever dig up the corpse of a dead bad guy with the intention of destroying the body. No matter what you do, he'll come back to life.
466) Avoid houses where portraits have moving eyes, the taps drip blood, and the dog begins pawing at the wall for no reason.
467) When holding your gun to the killer/monster's head make sure the safety is off. (This works better in blowing the bastards head off).
468) If you have been in numerous horror movies and have been killed before the opening credits are through, we suggest you find a new line of work.
469) By all means try to avoid wax museums.
470) If you come across an old abandoned house that is boarded with 15 pick-up trucks in the front yard don't ask for directions just get the hell out of there.
471) A walking puppet with no strings is not cute.
472) If a scroll has been written with blood on human skin never break the seal.
473) If a huge crater opens up in your back yard move ASAP.
474) Never say the killer's name 5 times into the mirror to prove "it's just a story".
475) If you have been around the kid most of the day and says "the bogeyman is at the house across the street" or some thing like that believe him and go across town or out of town for the night.
476) If you see a little kid in the middle of the night on a off to the side road that says "the Vampires are in the club house and they got your friend" or some thing like that, don't tell him to get in your car, better yet run him over so he doesn’t rap you in the club house.
477) You remember that hot little number who wouldn't know your name even if you were her brother...well chances are she ain't a virgin...go tell her to stand in the shower naked and you'll send that hot quarterback to fix her...how the hell is she going to know the difference between Jason and a football player...they don't bother to take off the helmet.
478) The keep out sign is probably there for a very good reason.
479) If you went to a camp to be a counselor and you are the only survivor from a massacre.. why would you go back the next year?
480) The next time your breasts are showing remember that being stapled to the wall with a spear isn't that bad if you are dead.
481) If you are going to have sex, never have it with a girl that asks for it. She probably is possessed and you will die. If you make her do it both of you will die.
482) Whenever at the end of the Movie they show some weird thing that had nothing to do with the recent teen-kill fest, and you are a survivor, torch the damn town. Better the rednecks than you.
483) This rarely happens but if one of the guys in your group happens to be the son of a black minister, there is no way in hell he is dying, so stick with him.
484) ALWAYS stay a virgin till after the credits roll. If you have already given it up prepare for a swift death (sliced and diced).
485) DON'T FALL ASLEEP, EVER! Insomnia is a viable alternative to death.
486) Never eat white gooey stuff bubbling out of the ground near a mine/refinery/etc. It will most likely take over your brain and/or disintegrate your body.
487) If everyone who died of a mysterious death on the ship, shortly before had contact with the ships cat, shoot the cat as soon as you see it.
488) Never take anything from a scientific lab.
489) Run out the front door and not up the stairs.
490) If your parents are out of town and you live in the country or up in the hill's don't have a party, and go to a friends house.
491) Watching Prom Night saves time.
492) If you are swimming, and hear fast-paced cello music, get the hell out of the water, and maybe the state, and don't stand like an idiot looking to see why everyone started screaming.
493) If you decide to live in a house possessed by evil spirits, never ever have a priest come and bless it. Doing so will cause your brother to become possessed and kill your entire family.
494) If your brother looks strange and wants to have sex with you, no matter how sexually deprived you may be, RUN AWAY!! Having sex with your brother is like selling your soul to Satan.
495) Never piss off a clown. Especially if his name is Pennywise.
496) Always listen to the crazy old peddler who says that he is a messenger from god, and tells you that your camp grounds are cursed.
497) Don't bother to pick up the phone because invariably the line will be cut or dead, or there will be an evil voice coming from it (if you're real unlucky, there will be something nasty protruding from the mouthpiece or earpiece).
498) Never turn your back on a open door. It will close.
499) Just because it's real quiet, don't be fooled. Even the biggest, clumsiest monsters can sneak up on you.
500) Never attempt to investigate an electrical object that is working, but not plugged in.
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