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July 16, 2000 3:21 a.m. (make a wish)… I thank all of you who responded to my last entry about Dom…most of your words were very comforting, and others more matter-of-fact. Your input in my life is always accepted and greatly respected. Here however is a response/entry from Dom. This is a letter that she gave me. We had been sitting in a park talking, and she had said that she had thought about what she would say to her loved ones had she died or left our lives. This is what she would have said to me. It really affected me dearly and it really touched upon issues that I have been personally having with her. With that, this is what she wrote: "Well, it's the middle of the night…and I have nothing but you on my mind… and I wanted to get some of this off my chest because its tearing me apart… Well, as I told you the other day at the park…I was thinking about what I would say to you if I knew I was leaving… and you asked me what I would have said…and here you go.. I would tell you how I would give anything in the world to have our friendship back to the days where we could talk all night..laugh all the time…cuddle without there having to be an awkward feeling…look forward to spending time together instead of fearing a fight would develop… I would do anything in the world for that back..and I am so sorry that I couldn't fix it.. That I thank God every night for allowing me to share so much of my life with you… I would tell you how much I love you…and how much I will always be there with you..how much I love you in a way that I know could never be returned… a love that no other person can ever come close to receiving from my heart… even though it hurt so bad. I would tell you how every night I go to bed and every morning I wake up hating myself for the things I have put you though.. by limiting you… by making you tell me things that you shouldn't have to.. by not allowing you to feel like you could live your life to the fullest, and do what you want without me getting mad.. by not just letting us be normal friends.. for making out relatinship so unexplainable and complicated… I hate myself so much for putting you through my analyzing which caused so much strain on our relationship.. I hate the fact that I tried to "own" you because I was so jealous of anyone else who you cared about.. I hate myself for being so selfish and not wanting to share you with anyone in the world.. I hate myself so much for any pain I caused you.. you are the person I care for the most in this world.. I have an immense guilt that I have made our relationship more of a chore for you than a blessing as it once was.. And lastly, I want to let you know that I am so weak…so much weaker than you.. I admire you so much for you strength.. you have dealt with so much and still remain so up about everything… where I know some of your situations must cause you so much pain.. I am sorry if I was too wrapped up in my own problems to ever give you a shoulder that you could have needed… I want you to know that I do see things from your persective… and I realize that it must be so hard sometimes.. and I realize that having to deal with me..through our many phases..having to deal with the break up situation…must have been doubly as difficult for you due to the burden of me… and I have been so selfish..and you have been so giving of your own needs.. I love you so much that if the only way that you could feel less of a burden from me was for me to not be in your life…as much as it would hurt me to do so..I would be gone and be happy with the thought that I was making your life a little easier or happier.. which is why I tried so hard to push you away sometimes.. because I knew what I was doing to you was unfair…and maybe if you grew to hate me..your life could go on ok… So..I would tell you that I want you live your life with no inhibitions..you don't have me holding you back now..it will be so much better this way..I just want you to be happy and enjoy yourself…and to please never ever forget me..because I will be waiting anxiously to see you again…just like in our tracy chapman song… 'I vow to wait for you…' " 
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