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December 9, 2000 It's the last weekend before finals, and I know I should be studying…but I'm sitting in my room doing anything but studying. My roommate has commended me for making the room the cleanest it's probably been all semester. I think that I can say that I have caught up on all the sleep I've missed in the semester because that seems to be the only things I have been doing lately. More seriously, I was sitting in the room with Jeff, and we were goofing off talking and watching tv. Well, I was sitting in my loft, and something was shoved underneath the door. It was a playgirl magazine. Jeff looked at it, picked it up, and walked our the door. I just kind of sat there. The phone rang, and it was for Jeff. He was down the hall, so I brought him the phone. I heard the remnants of a conversation, but it was enough to hear that the magazine was meant for me. I just walked back to my room, and I had my pissed off at the world look on my face. I sat at my computer, and Jeff walked in. I just ignored him. He was trying to joke with me, but nothing was penetrating me. He left, and so did I. A happy night turned into a Piano night… When I got back in the room, Jeff seemed concerned about why I seemed so pissed. I brushed him off… I know that he couldn't have possibly understood. We talked about how different our live are, and he's admitted that I've probably faced a harsher life. I mean, my life hasn't been bad by any means, but having to deal with shit like having a porn mag slid under your door because your gay isn't my idea of a good time. This is the first time that I've faced something like this in the dorms. I know it wasn't really in my face, and it wasn't harsh by any means. But it really got to me for some reason. "Then why me? Why do I have to have every moment in my life that should be easy and fun, be judged and scrutinized? I didn't ask for this role, y'know? I didn't ask or want to be this different. I didn't ask to be gay!" 
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