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June 13, 2001 Ok, I have accepted that I don't have to write every day. If I fall behind, then I fall behind… No more of this delaying shit…when I write, I write… So, it is 5:00am in the morning and I have been awake all night. I just couldn't go to sleep. For the past two weeks, I have been working overnight for the GAP… We start working at 8:00pm in the evening, and we usually end around 6:00am. This means that I usually don't get to go to sleep until around 8:00am in the morning. Yesterday was my last overnight. I guess that my body has gotten used to this overnight schedule.. It just really sucks because the one night that I could have gotten a normal nights sleep…I couldn't fall asleep. I digress. For the past month, I have been obsessed with the mall and with the GAP. I have become somewhat of a mall rat. I spend a lot of my free time either at the mall, or with my co-workers. Before the overnight, my current obsession was Kevin. He is one of the funniest managers that I have had, and we just goof around together. He's gay like many of the GAP managers, and I think that I had a crush on him for a day…but that long since ended. Dating fellow employees, especially a manger, just doesn't seem to be a good choice. Right?! As for the past two weeks, I have been in close proximity of about ten employees. It's the same ten people that work the over nights, so that means that we practically lived and breathed together. One of those employees is another manager, Zack. I have always found him interesting, and I am waiting for him to fully open up to him. I have gotten him to confide in me, but I know that he's holding back. I know it's a defense system, but I know that I can break through it…I like him a lot, and I want to make a friend of him… It's only a matter of time before I do it. So, here's the new scoop of my life. I have decided to leave GAP Kids so that I can become a GAP Body specialist. This means that I have to transfer to the adult store so that I can start training as a Body Specialist. What does this mean?! This means that I get to tell all the customers and other employees about all of our Body products, and I get to size women for their correct bra size. Because you know "about 80% of all women are wearing the wrong bra size." Anywhoo…this also means that I am going to have to leave my fellow employees at Kids. I have worked with them for the past month, and I was really staring to have fun with them all. I am going to have to leave some people that I have worked with for the past three years. But, I guess that this isn't totally true. I was told that since I am one of the visual people, I am still going to be able to work in the Kids store. So, I guess that in the end, I am getting the best of both worlds… At least that's what I hope. As for Alan…things are over between us. It was the best decision for me. I knew that if I stayed with him…I would have been totally hurt…either by the fact that he was leaving for Germany, or the fact that our lives are at completely different places. Maybe in the near future, we will learn to become friends. But for now, I am making the active decision to keep him completely out of my life… This is a decision that I know I will not regret… Dom is leaving for Florida today. She is going to be gone for about ten days. I hope that she has a good time. She is visiting an old friend from her childhood that she, within the past two years, has gotten into contact with again. Since she is going to be gone for a while, we spend yesterday together. After I got off work at 6:00am in the morning, I picked her up to drop her off of work. At around 1:00pm, I picked her up and I met with another fellow president of a chapter of Alpha Phi Omega, M. We sat and had coffee because M is carpooling with me to a conference at Purdue University in July. I thought that it would be a good idea to meet and kind of get to know each other before we spent an entire weekend together. M turned out to be a nice person, and I'm no longer dreading driving in car for four hours. All in all, I am having a pretty good summer. I have absolutely know complaints…maybe except that Josh isn't here to spend it with me. He's staying in OK this summer to find himself and gain some independence from his parents. I hope that he finds whatever it is he is looking for…I just don't want to lose a friend in the process. I know that he is going through some tough times, but in the end I know that it is something that he really needs and wants. So, my thoughts and wishes are with him… I don't know what else to say, other than "peace out…" 
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