I didn't make it very far. I collapsed out in the hallway next to the door, and dissolved into tears.
My body was filled with so much emotion, I didn't know what to feel. I was sad, and hurt, and confused, and angry, and scared. The thought that I had lost Josh, that I would never see him again hurt so bad that it had become a physical pain. Deep in my stomach, and my heart, and my brain, and every joint and limb in my body hurt.
I heard the door open loudly next to me, like all hotel doors seem to be, but didn't bother to look up. I knew it was Chris. I knew he was going to come and try and tell me that everything was going to be ok. But it wasn't. My best friend in the whole world since practically birth was gone. And there was nothing anyone could say or do to bring him back. There was nothing anyone could say or do to fill the gapping whole in my heart. Life was meaningless to me now. But how could I tell Chris that? He was scared enough as it was about what happened last night. If I told him everything I was thinking now, he might just lose it.
"Danielle?" Chris asked, hovering over me. "What happened in there? Everyone is so worried about you."
"He was there," I said, choking the words out between sobs.
"Who was there?"
"Josh! He was there, in the room. He was there with me. I could feel him. I could hear him!"
"Danielle, I know this is hard for you, it's hard for me, too, but. . .he's gone. He wasn't in that room. You have to. . . you have to let go."
"No! I can't let go! How can you say that?! How can you think that?!" I cried pushing a few loose strands of hair that were sticking to my face from my tears away.
Chris crouched down in front of me, and put his hands on my knees for balance. "I don't want you to let go completely. I know that's impossible. But, you can't go around acting like this. The memories you have of JC will live on forever, but he is gone. We can't bring him back."
"If he's gone, why do I still feel him with me?" I whispered.
"Because he was a huge part of your life. He was your life, and you were his. Maybe. . . " Chris paused. I know he was wondering how I would react to him saying whatever it was that he was thinking.
"Go on." I urged.
"Maybe you two were soul mates. Eachother's other half. So, now that he's. . . gone, you still feel him with you."
"Do you really think so?" I asked.
Chris hesitated. "Yeah," he nodded. "Yeah, I really do."
"I guess you could be right."
Yeah. He was right. I had just been hallucinating earlier. . . right?
"Are you ready to go back in there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I replied.
"Can you handle it? Because if not, I can always take you home."
"No. I can handle it." I hope.
"Okay." Chris stood up and extended his hand to me.
I excepted it, and Chris pulled me up.
As Chris knocked on the door, I felt a chill run up my spine, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.
"I promised. . . " the voice whispered, rushing by my ear like a soft wind.
My eyes widened with fear. And I remembered. Some of the last words he had said to me.
"You'll never get rid of me, no matter how hard you try. Even after I've gone on, I'll still be with you. Watching you. Thinking about you. When the last tear drop falls, I'll be there to wipe it away."
The words echoed fresh in my mind, as if they had just been said only moments earlier, and I stood, frozen in the doorway.