(with apologies to nobody at all)
One day in the kingdom of Pimpernelpin
The King's house was in uproar; oh, what a din!
"My Scepter is gone, wrought of diamond and tin!"
"And my Robe and my Crown and all the Things I Was In!"
When the King had stopped wailing, his Wizard pitched in,
"Summon Great Kevin, The Great Kevin Zinn!"
"Who is this Kevin?" asked the King with a frown,
"I know all in my kingdom, from the foxholes to town"
The Wizard said naught, but with a jump and a clap,
He made a loud thunder and a very bright zap,
And there in the throne room, quite tall and quite thin,
Stood the Great Kevin, the Great Kevin Zinn!
"Hi" said Great Kevin in a manner most plain
Dressed in a golf-T and Birkenstocks twain
And shorts round his waist in a nondescript way
The King pondered his guest and knew not what to say
"WHO'S THIS!?" he demanded, "Who's not of Pimpernelpin?!"
"Just I", answered Kevin, "The Great Kevin Zinn!"
"GREAT?!" scoffed the King, "You're yanking my chain,"
"You don't look the part! You're so painfully plain!"
"Are you a Knight? Where's your Armor and Sword?"
"Where's your Steed and your Squire, and the Crest of your Lord?"
"Are you a Captain? Where's your Saber and Flag?"
"Are you Kriss Kringle? Where's your Belly and Bag?!"
"I require a Warrior, not some penniless bard!"
"I require a Champion, not some random blackguard!"
"A Prince richly regaled, with a Bellow That Rings,"
"Who will capture the thief who has taken my Things,"
"That by me should be worn, and my next-of-kin..."
"What makes you so Great, oh 'Great' Kevin Zinn?"
Great Kevin stood silent, but the Wiz rose to say,
"O King, has my counsel ever led you astray?"
"In times of great famine, did I not guide to the feast?"
"We've prevailed in all wars, though our numbers were least."
"Have I been found wanting, that you should doubt in"
"My assurance that this, is the Great Kevin Zinn?"
"Oh, fine", said the King with a reluctant 'harrumph',
And stepped back and plopped back in his throne with a 'thumph',
"Tell me", he said in a manner still gruff,
"How do you propose to retrieve all my Stuff?
But Kevin just stood there, and he "hmmm"ed, and he "hmmm"ed
and he "hmmm"ed, and he "hmmm"ed, and he "hmmm"ed, and he "hmmm"ed.
The King grew impatient and his face grew more gaunt,
And just 'fore he blew, Kev said "Are you sure what you want?"
"I mean, you're the King, by birth and by right"
"By your hand your land prospered through many a night"
"You've turned both your ears to counsel so wise"
"And are loved by your people, and done right in their eyes"
Taken aback, the King sputtered at first,
From one dressed so simple, he'd expected much worse.
He said "What you say may very well be"
"I've acted quite Kingly for my subjects to see"
"And I suppose," He appended, when he saw the Wiz smile,
"My counselors have borne me through many a mile."
"But a King must look Kingly!" he insisted with airs
"Not just by his deeds, but by what he wears!"
"What's a King with no Robe, and no Scepter, or Crown?"
"Why, no one could tell me from the beggar in town!"
"Answer!" said the King, as he wrinkled his chin
"Answer me, Kevin, o Great Kevin Zinn!"
"Well, look", said Kev gently, his arms spread abreast
"Do I look mighty, or splendid, or best?"
"And yet your own Wizard you call noble and true"
"Has approved me already - twice over - to you."
"Now I don't claim to be greatest in any one thing,"
"I'm just little 'ol Kevin, 'ol Kevin Zinn."
"So, what's your point?" the King tilted his head
(And looked at Kev sideways, like that might answer instead)
But Kevin looked distant as he thought for a pause
And finally said "You know what, I forgot what it was."
"But, oh shoot, I've a deadline to meet tomorrow"
"And yard-work to finish... I really should go."
"Hey Wizard, I'm sorry, I really can't stay,"
"Could you do what you do, and send me on my way?"
The Wizard just nodded, then whooped like a dame,
And Kevin was gone in the same way he came.
Silence came over all of Pimpernelpin,
As though to say "Gone, is the Great Kevin Zinn!"
The King turned, and in earnest he asked of the Wiz
"Is he truly Great?", and was told, "Yes, he is."
"Well then!" the King said, "Summon my flock!"
"Summon this cobbler they call Birkenstock!"
"Make me ten wardrobes of golf-T's and shorts!"
"And supply all my castles and all of my forts!"
From then on the King ruled, as he had before
But now gave no thought to the Things that he wore
He was gayer and all of the people with him
Felt eased with the King, who looked a regular Jim
And none of this would have happened in Pimpernelpin
If not for Great Kevin, the Great Kevin Zinn!
Bernard Ng, August 2003.
