"The way he plays chess demonstrates a man's whole nature."
                                                                           ~Stanley Ellin       

Attitude Check #7--Regaining Your Courage

Playing in the national championships can be tough.  Kyle [not his real name] was sitting at the far table, head in his hands, when I got to the room.  His shoulders were shaking some, and his breathing slightly ragged, as I sat down next to him.  I could see the remains of some serious tears on his cheeks.  I had worked with Kyle over several years and he'd had his share of tough losses, but I had never seen him even close to tears before.  Clearly this one had been different.

I waited for him to speak.  After a minute or two, he looked up at me.  His eyes, normally sparkling with joy, were red-rimmed from crying and filled with anguish and disbelief.  "I had...."  His voice broke and he waited for control before going on.  "I had a great position, and...then it got away."  His head dropped dejectedly back into his hands, as he stared blankly at the carpet.

I held my breath for a moment before speaking quietly.  "It's a really hard thing, Kyle.  And I know there's nothing I can say to make it easier right now.  But, Kyle, I am so proud of you, and I know your Mom and Dad are too."

His head came back up, a confused look on his face.  "But why?"  His voice was faint.  "I was playing great at first, and I was sure...."  Kyle fought against the tears, clearing his throat.  "I was sure I was winning, but then...I messed it up and lost."  I sensed the agony underlying his words.

"Hurts like the dickens, doesn't it?"  He nodded, ducking his head back down into his hands.  "But Kyle, you've demonstrated great courage, which makes those of us who know you extremely proud of you."  He was staring at me now, and I knew my words must have sounded strange to him.

"To start with, you came here and played hard, knowing full well that you might lose, which would hurt a lot.  Good chess takes focus, time and a great deal of energy.  When we put that much of ourselves into anything, it's going to be really important to us.  We're going to care intensely about it.  There's emotional risk involved.  However, this kind of risk is an unavoidable part of the path to growth and success.  Facing danger like that takes guts.

Then, when things got hairy, you stayed true to your concept of how this game ought to be played.  You could have done something easier, like exchange everything off to a draw, but instead you stayed the course.  You saw the risk in taking his bishop, didn't you?"

"Uh huh, but...."  I heard hesitation in Kyle's tone, though also resolve.  "...I felt it was the right way to play the position.  I thought anything else would have made things too easy for him."

"So you played the way you felt the position dictated, regardless.  That takes strength of courage, Kyle.  There's no way you could have seen all the complications through to the end, and there was also the chance that you would lose your way among those complications.  Yet you persisted.  That was a noble warrior's approach, and I'm proud of you for taking it."  

I watched him soak up my words.  "You're also showing another kind of courage tonight, Kyle."  He lifted his gaze to match mine again, the bewildered expression returning.  "You faced this loss head on without blaming, making excuses, "stuffing" your feelings or blowing up--even though I know it must hurt like heck inside.  Most people, especially guys, aren't willing to do what you did.  Feelings can be incredibly powerful, especially painful ones, and it's hard to do the right things with them.  Facing the cause of the pain is one of those "right" things.  Only then can you really learn the lessons of the game, including identifying and overcoming weaknesses in your understanding of the game.        

He nodded, and we sat quietly for a minute or two.  Then he wiped his eyes and sat up.  "Thanks, Pete.  I think I understand what you're telling me.  And I realize there will be other chances to win.  But I still wish...."  His voice trailed off.

"Hey Kyle, don't think I'm trying to just trivialize the loss.  I know how important this game was to you.  Listen, I know the world doesn't come to an end whenever I lose a chess game, but sometimes it can take an hour or two for me to remember that."   I chuckled ruefully.   "I'm just trying to help you catch sight of the big picture."

There was a subtle change in his eyes.  Evidence of the aftermath of tears remained, but there were also glimmers of Kyle's natural inquisitiveness resurfacing.  He spoke again.   "Can I ask you something about the game?"

"Of course, but it could certainly wait until tomorrow, if that would be easier for you."  I was aware of the difficulty of what he was trying to do.

 "I...."  He paused for a moment.  "I don't think I'm up to looking at all of it, but I do want to ask you about one position."  His fingers were already setting up a position on the board in front of us.  "How would you have continued here?"  I leaned forward in my chair and considered the position.  His sense about the game was excellent.  He had identified the critical position--the one from which things had begun to spin out of control.  Kyle had unflinchingly pointed to the most painful part of the game, from his perspective.

"My first inclination would be to trade the queens and play the pawn-up ending.  Did you consider such an approach?"  Kyle smiled a little at this, knowing my predilection for such solutions.  He almost certainly had considered it, and I was curious about why he had chosen the more dangerous plan of playing for the direct attack on his opponent's king.

"Uh huh, but my evaluation at this point was that the mating attack was the best plan."  I was quiet while he turned it over in his mind.  "You've always taught me to go for the clearest, cleanest solution, even if some complex tactics are required."        

I considered this briefly, before replying.  "What's the main idea of the approach I've taught you?"  

Kyle didn't hesitate.  "Clear and clean?"  I nodded, and he ran his eyes over the position on the board again before sighing.  "Well, I guess the other option I had, of simplifying to the endgame, would have done that.  I should have realized it at the time.  I wonder why I didn't go in that direction...."

"That's a question to consider, of course.  Any ideas?"  I waited for him to ponder this.

"Well, I did want to get the game over with as quickly as possible.  The tension was killing me."  I smiled encouragement, knowing this motivation all too well.  "And...I guess I wanted to finish brilliantly."

"Kyle, you're hardly the first player to succumb to the temptation of a spectacular finish.  You have a quick and creative tactical eye, and you constantly see all sorts of possibilities.  So...what do you think you need to do in the future?"

He was working again now.  The pain hadn't completely gone, but it wasn't right in front of him anymore.  "Guard against those temptations, I guess.  Knowing they exist is a first step, isn't it?  But I also can't be afraid of complications or playing an attack, can I?"

"Of course not, and that makes it tricky.  Sometimes you'll get it right, and other times--like today--you won't.  Over time your instincts will get better and better, and you'll know, somewhere in your gut, which way to go...at least most of the time."  It was getting late and I knew Kyle would be needing sleep for the next day's rounds.  But there was one more thing I needed to say.

"What you did just now was probably the most courageous thing a chessplayer can do, Kyle.  You were willing to look straight at the reasons for your mistakes without trying to justify them.  You were brave enough to look at your choices in an objective, tough-minded way.  Kyle, you are making exciting progress on the path to success...in both chess and life." 

I said goodnight and headed back to my hotel room, marveling over the courage Kyle had demonstrated that afternoon and evening.  Well, Kyle went on to demonstrate even more of it the next day, playing hard in his games, and staying resolute whenever the position got tough.  This time Kyle's courage was rewarded with a particularly nice win over a strong opponent.  More power to him!

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Addendum to my Chess Odyssey students:

Many of you will be playing your first tournament shortly at the NW Grade Level Championships.  Please know that I'm pulling for you and wish you much success!  However, the odds of facing the pain of losing at least one of your games are pretty high.  So, let me tell you that I'm proud of you for simply having the courage to show up and face 5 competitors in one day!  And if you only win 1 game, or NONE, you are still a winner to me and those who care about you.  Why?  For having the courage to keep trying your best (the fancy word is PERSEVERE) without allowing the pain of losing to keep you from pressing on.  

A whole day of playing serious chess games may be the hardest thing you've ever done.  I know you'll try your best, and I hope you have some fun too.  And sometime after the tournament, let me see some of your games if you'd like help learning from them.  This is one of the important reasons for recording the moves of your tournament games.

Play well, have fun, and good luck!

-Attitude Check #6 --A Matter of Heart                     
-Attitude Check #5 --The Fourth Freedom                  
-Attitude Check #4 --The Third Freedom                   
   -Attitude Check #3 --The Second Freedom                    
-Attitude Check #2 --The First of the Four Freedoms 
-Attitude Check #1 --The Four Freedoms                    

© 2002-2004 Pete Prochaska. All rights reserved.

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