ADHD Diary

MAY/JUNE/JULY '98 UPDATE!
Phil has quit smoking, and his ADHD symptoms are worsening daily. He is finding focusing on his work and homelife to be very difficult. He begins projects but has no 'follow through'. Much of what he starts is left unfinished. The family is walking on egg-shells, as his temper is explosive at the least annoyance. Our family life is hell, and so is his work life. He decides it is time to seek treatment.

Phil goes to see DrDN, to see if he can help him, DrDN refers him to our local 'Mental Health Worker' and he is scheduled for numerous appointments with her. After seeing her a few times, she refers him to a psychiatrist, DrC.

AUGUST 6 '98 UPDATE!
Phil was refered to a Pyschologist at the local hospital, DrC, a woman with absolutely NO knowledge in adult ADHD and NO belief in it either!! DrC diagnoses him with depression and tells him he needs to 'pull himself together!' (Who wouldnt be depressed with the run around that Phil is being given!!) The road is rocky after the damage she has done so we are endevouring to find another doctor, but this requires us to drive a four hour return trip...so some organization is going to be required so we are able to get all testing done on the one day, to minimize time away from work. Will let you know what happens when we arrange it!!

SEPTEMBER 8 '98 UPDATE!
We have made an appointment to see a new Psych that deals in adult adhd at St Andrews Hospital in Toowoomba. Phil is very anxious to finally see this man (in 10 days) as he has just had a fortnight off and the break from pressure and routine have played havoc with his moods! He does feel substanially calmed though, as we have already talked to the doctor he is going to see, on the phone, and this doctor seem to CARE!! It also helps him to have a date to focus on, knowing help is just around the corner. As usual, will update after he has been to Toowoomba!!

OCTOBER 4 '98 UPDATE!
The Psych was another disaster...just when things were begining to look up for him :o( ...another non-believer it seems, unless the patient comes to him prediagnosed by someone else!! AAAGGGHHHHH
He has another appointment there on the 23rd of October though and I intend to go with him so I can "kick some butt!!"......I'd like to say at this point that I need to thank ShesaDevil & DevilWoman...without your support, help and guidance I think we never would have got this far...we owe you a lot...thank you xx

NOVEMBER 7 '98 UPDATE!
I went with Phil to the Oct 23rd appoinment and we were talking to a tree I am sure!! This Dr knew almost zilch about ADHD in adults, and was rather surprised at how knowledgeable WE were on the subject. He had already made the blanket decision that Phil was depressed, and quite happily dispensed anti-depressants with a "see you in 2 weeks for a review" closing. I left him with about 100 hrs of reading material, and the name and Ph number of a Professor who specializes in ADHD. Evidently he rang this Prof and found out quite a lot of information and when Phil next went to see him on Nov 6, the Dr announced that Phil was "most definitely" ADHD!!!!! (Well duhhhhh!!) Yahoo, oh joy oh bliss! Finally a win!! We know this is only the begining but once a person has been diagnosed it can make a world of difference to have a 'name' given to all the stuff they have had to deal with, usually for their entire lives, and gives them a basis on which to begin to work on. Phil is now on Ritalin, & already we have seen the dramatic improvement we saw when first we did our own "home-test-trial".
(This is not a recommended practise. Do not try this yourself please. We did a home-test-trial under strict supervision and informed guidance.)See you for another update in a while. PS: Phil is due back at the Dr for a review on Dec 2.

DECEMBER 7 '98 UPDATE!
All is going well for Phil on the Ritalin and he doesnt have to go back for 6 weeks. His focus on tasks is MUCH better and alot of the jobs around the house, like minor repairs, are finally getting done. We ARE having a few marital problems though, which we are in the process of working on. It must be realized that medication is by no means a "magic bullet", that will cure all that is wrong, but it DOES make finding the solutions and implimenting them a little easier for us both, but particularly for Phil, which is what we are aiming for in the long run.

JANUARY 16 '99 UPDATE!
Phil's medication is working very well for his ability to 'focus', and is inturn making him able to 'see' himself a little better. He is learning not to get so stressed by everyday things, and learning to let a lot more things blow over him, instead of getting upset by them. Small things like an untidy kids bedroom used to get him quite wound up, but now he has come to see that a few toys on the floor is just part of a normal kids bedroom, not the early makings of a toxic hazard site!!

Phil had another appointment with his Specialist, DrM, last week. He seems very pleased with the way that the session went, and so far so am I! DrM has suggested some strategies for anger management, and Phil has discussed our marital problems with him also. DrM has also suggested that we hold a family meeting consisting of Phil, myself and our two eldest boys (15 & 13) to decided what we all want/expect from each other. Hmm not sure that will work with 'these' teens, but we'll see. It seems that talking with DrM, this time around, has had a very beneficial effect for Phil. He seems more calm, more tolerant, more pleased in himself. Like he suddenly realizes we werent all put on this earth with the express purpose of pissing him off!! We are discussing the possibility of us attending marriage councelling at the moment. A wait-and-see approach for us at the moment. As usual, more updates to come as things progress.

JANUARY 20 '99
What a difference a week makes! Phil has finally realized that he must 'own' his own anger, and has learnt he must ACT not REACT. Phil is being amazingly more attentive to both the Children & to myself, and in discussing this with him, he has told me that he is also a lot happier in the way things are currently progressing also.

This has been a complete turnaround in the way our household has been operating for the longest time, and we are all delighted with 'return' of the man we all love so dearly. Perhaps we are finally at a turning point and things are finally looking brighter for our family. *VBG*

FEBRUARY 21 '99
Another visit to Dr M and all is well.
Our family life is settling down nicely now, pretty much back to how it used to be when we all enjoyed being together. This isnt to say that the whole world is rosey, of course there are still times of conflict for us all, but for the most part, all is happy about the place.

The kids are starting to relax, now that Dad has been calm and rational for a while, (for a while there I dont think they trusted this 'new calm sane Dad'LOL) and are starting to enjoy his company once more.
I, too, am regaining the feelings of trust, security, etc, that for quite a time I just could not find in me.

I feel that in some aspects this disorder is almost like a cancer. Whilst it CANT kill you, it can eat away at the very fabric of your being, and erode everything within and around you.
From your work ethics, to family relationships, to self-esteem. If left unchecked and unmanaged, ADD can become a real problem, not only to those with it, but also to those around them.
Management for ADD need not be medical, it can merely be behavioural...and for some that is enough. I guess what I am trying to impart is KNOWLEDGE is the best form of 'defence'.

MARCH 29 '99
Well, another visit to the psych over and done with and Phil is now learning how to get his point across to people, without ramming it down their throat, and without getting all stress-out into the bargain. Dr M is very pleased with the changes taking place with Phil, as are all of we, and is also helping him with his self esteem issues.

Possibly one of the hardest things for Phil to overcome will be the deep-seated feeling that maybe one day it will get all too tough for me and I will just walk out on him. I have discussed this with him, and have tried to get him to understand that i would NEVER just up and go without notice. That isnt in my nature, and wouldnt be fair to any of us. As the saying goes, "I am in this for the long haul!"

* Something of interest that I have found that you may be interested in..... As you know by now Phil is on Ritalin, I have found that first thing in the morning and last thing at night is NOT the time to tackle any discussions that we need to have about our personal life!!
Either his meds have not kicked in then, or they have worn off... and it can quickly elevate into a match of wills, which gets us no-where fast. Lunchtime or there abouts seems to be the best time. I am 'lucky' in that Phil works close to home and comes home for lunch so we have the opportunity to tackle our 'stuff' at lunch time, but I know that many arent so lucky. Maybe you could meet at work during lunch, or find some other way around this.
Another good tool I have found is to write my spouse a letter. It is impossible for them to interupt you when you talk in a letter and can be a lot easier to get your point across. It is also good if you can encourage them to write you letters too. I find that it is best for either party to read the letter when the writer is not about, so they have time to digest the contents and think over what has been said.

One must remember in writing to an adder though, that they can easily see blame where none was intended, so any negatives, try to back up with a positive:
ie: "I was really upset that you didnt think to hang up the towels in the bathroom, I feel like it is always left to me to do, but, that coffee you made me this morning in bed was fabulous!! Maybe you could hang the towels up if you see them on the floor again?"
This kind of statement is an "i feel" statement and carries no blame and whilst it is backed up with a positive statement, you also add on the 'real' topic at the end again so they dont lose sight of what you are really trying to say.
Okay, enough for this update......I have been thinking of including a separate page of 'communicating with your spouse tips'...anyone have any thoughts on that?? Email me if you do :o)
Later all ...

MAY 20 '99
Phil had another visit to DrM earlier this month and it went something like this:
Phils parents were up for a holiday so we went down the night before to the town where DrM has his practice. We had decided to really make a trip out of it, you know, hotel room, dinner.....just time as a couple for a change.
Well after a two hour drive (7pm) Phil decided it would be good to get some of the grocery shopping out the way so we headed for the shops. That was ok, but we took so long to do the shopping that Phil decided to stay at a friends house, ( I found this out when he pulled into their driveway!),where we had to sleep on a cement floor in their rumpus room!!!
As you can imagine this did NOTHING for my mood :o( , especially when Phil then headed off to the local Club for drinks with his friend, and didnt get home until almost 1am.
The next morning Phil had an early appointment with DrM, and though I didnt want to (due to my still bad mood) he convinced me to attend with him.
We spent the next hour discussing anger management, using delegation at work, and various other things. We drove around for about an hour afterward, and got the air clear on a few issues, especially relating to the kids.
Phils next appoinment will be on the 4th of June, but I wont be able to go as we have no-one to watch the kids, which is a pity as we could really use the joint councelling right about now lol.More soon....byeee

OCT 3 '99
Yea, I know I have been slack and not been keeping up to date!! Sorry :o(
Phil has a new job, working for a bank, and is thrilled with it! It was more than past time that he had a career change, as he was becoming very 'stale' and stressed at the Hardware Store.

Unfortunately, even though things have taken a turn for the better career wise, I am finally VERY much feeling the strain of being in a relationship full on, full time, with an ADDer.
I find myself very often these days wondering whether or not I am doing the best thing for my children and also for US, by continueing to struggle to keep our marriage intact.

Various addictive behaviours are also taking a heavy toll on my patience, and as he has started this new job, councelling has gone by the wayside, and he has only been once in the last 18 weeks!!
I have been trying to stress the importance that we continue with the councelling, but sadly at the present time this isnt a priority for him.

Decisions need to be made and SOON.......by BOTH of us.

This page will be updated each time there is something relevent to Phils Dx to be said, and also each time he visits one of his Doctors. This 'Diary' is an attempt to try and help others going through the 'process' to realize, they are NOT alone!!

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