| Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest whilst assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with a divetank, flippers and face mask. A post mortem examination revealed that the person died not from burns but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast - some 20 kilometers away from the forest. The firefighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large buckets. The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing a breaststroke in a fire bucket 300m in the air. Apparently, he extinguished exactly 1.78m (5'10") of the fire. |
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At the 1994 annual awards dinner given by the American Association for Forensic Science, AAFS President Don Harper Mills astounded his audience in San Diego with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:
"On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound of the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten- story building intending to commit suicide (he left a note indicating his despondency). As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect some window washers and that Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide anyway because of this."
"Ordinarily," Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended. That Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below probably would not have changed his mode of death from suicide to homicide. But the fact that his suicidal intent would not have been successful caused the medical examiner to feel that he had homicide on his hands. "The room on the ninth floor whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing and he was threatening her with the shotgun. He was so upset that, when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Opus.
"When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with this charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant that neither knew that the shotgun was loaded. The old man said it was his long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her - therefore, the killing of Opus appeared to be an accident. That is, the gun had been accidentally loaded. But who loaded the gun? It seems that the old man & woman had a son that desperately needed some money. The old man & woman refused to loan their son the money because of his past lifestyle & he never attempted to pay any of it back. Their son became so enraged, that he loaded his father's shotgun knowing their weird feuding habits so that when his dad pretended to shoot his mom, it would really kill her, & his dad would be blamed for murder. After doing this their son (Ronald Opus) became so depressed, he decided to commit suicide by jumping out of his 10th. floor appartment.
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CAIRO, Egypt (AP) -- Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt.
An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said.
His sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help him, and also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help, but they apparently were pulled down by the same undercurrent.
The bodies of the six were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo. The chicken was also pulled out. It survived!!!!
The Following are from Joe's Jokes.(True Stories)
1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon
Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of
the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid
cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten
by a killer whale.
2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a
carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After
weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe
leaving her mentally retarded.
3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the
world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came down
eight hours short of the 400 day record to find that his sponsor had
gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had
been cut off.
4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking
frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards
the electric skillet. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door,
breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily
listening to his Walkman.
5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two
thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded,
trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
And the capper.......(plus a candidate for the 1998 Darwinian
Award):
6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a
letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
from (Cape Times, 6/13/96)
Tracy's Page 36 Signs You Might Be A Yankee Jokes of the Past Page Jokes of the Past Page 2 Top 21 Things Not To Say To A Cop
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