The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in by
labeling African American slang as the language Ebonics, has decided
to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer pipeline through
Washington by designating Southern slang, or Hickphonics, as a
language to be taught in all Southern schools.
A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone. The following are
excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI - noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: Heidi, hire yew?
BARD- verb. Past tense of the infinitive to borrow.
Usage: My brother bard my pickup truck.
JAWJUH - noun. The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.
BAMMER - noun. The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage: A tornader jes went through Bammer an’ left $20,000,000 in
improvements.
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I
ain’t herd from him in munts.
THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process.
Usage: Ah thank ah’ll have a bare.
BARE- noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and
yeast.
Usage: Ah thank ah’ll have a bare.
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See Arkansas native.
Usage: Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!
RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts.
Usage: I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother
from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my
pickup truck.
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my
pickup truck, that thing’s gonna catch far.
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don’t
git a flat tar in my pickup truck.
TIRE- noun. A tall monument.
Usage: Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that
Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.
RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: My grampaw retard at age 65.
FAT - noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: You younguns keep fat’n, n’ ah’m gonna whup y’uh.
RATS- noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.
FARN- adjective. Not local.
Usage: I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed....mus’ be from
some farn country.
DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: He’s did, Jim.
EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
Usage: He cain’t breathe....give ‘im some ear!
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.
JAW HERE - Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: Jaw here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with
that bob war fence cump’ny?
HAZE- a contraction.
Usage: Is Bubba smart? Nah....haze ignert. He ain’t
thanked but a minnit ‘n ‘is laf.
SEED- verb, past tense of to see.
VIEW- contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: I ain’t never seed New York City....view?
GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: Them gummit boys shore are ignert.
(THANKS MICKI{:) )
