Why me?

On the week before September 29th I found myself being prepped for something, but I didn't know what it was for.  I was told the gather wood for a fire, so I did that.  and also, within, they were telling me to build a fire.  Well, fires have not been my strong suit so on the night I built my first fire, it was a little slow, but I did manage to get it going.. and then the instructions were that I was to draw Tonya to the fire... She came out a few times...

Then we had the thing with Sophie being placed within Tonya's body.. that was on Thursday, but I had already received instructions that I was to go to the Gorge for the weekend (Friday thru Monday) but with everything that was going on with Tonya I found myself putting off going..

There has been some weirdness here.. The people next door had been tweaking all week, playing loud music all hours of the night and acting really bizarre.  On Friday night the music went really loud and when I went out to investigate, Jason was out there with the music cranked up, really pissed that he had been kept up all week, and saying I'm staging a protest..  With that Spirit yelled into my head 'how much sign do I need to give you that you are to spend the weekend at the Gorge?  So at midnight I was throwing everything into my car to go stay down there. .  I told Tonya I was going to the mountain and if she wanted to come, she should come now.  but she said something about she knew this was going to happen and she had to stay and see it through.  At that time Tonya said that Erza would be going with me..  I laughed at the time and told her that I was surrounded by protection, but if Erza wanted to come with me, that I would be honored... and I felt her in the car with me as I drove to the Gorge.. and when I was putting up my tent, it took a while for someone to figure out how to help me put it up, but there was this moment when I felt myself being helped putting up my tent.  It was around midnight when I put up the tent...

The next morning I got up and ran back to the house to pick up my blanket and some other things.. and when I drove up I knew the animals had come with me to the house.  I was smoking a cigarette and behind me came this whoooooooooossssshhhhhh of wind.  I felt them arriving just after I did on the wings of a bird.  And Tonya said something about they all went with me and that they would be there for ceremony all the way up until Tuesday, when they would leave..

Well, I knew that I had been sent to the mountain for a reason, even if I didn't know what it was, and when you go to the mountain, it is automatic, Ceremony.. so I entered into Ceremony.  The instructions that I have been given from within that I am to sing to the mountain.. so I prepared myself just before sunset to go to her.  I had a list in mind of things to do before I went to the mountain, one of which was to go to the bathroom first.. and on my way to the bathroom, a feather was laid at my feet.. 

This was not just any feather.  In the year 2000 I surrendered to the path that I came here for.  On that summer the Crow showed up and sat outside my bedroom window watching me for the whole summer.  In the Spring of 2001 I went out to rake my yard and found, first one feather, then 2, then 3.. and then so many from this same bird as in the picture.  this was the summer I received the gift of feathers, so many feathers given to me that I had to mow my yard very slow, so not to mow over them.. so sacred was the walk through the feathers, and it was also the year I entered into the medicine of the Swan, for I kept being given Swan feathers in my dreams.. So to have this feather be placed at my feet had special significance to, as it was the first feather I had been given and I had wondered so many times, why me, and who saw me up above and was giving me these feathers?

I went to her just before sunset and began walking and singing to her.  the magic is always within her body.. Granddaddy Long Legged kept crossing my path, so after 2 times of him crossing my path I decided that everywhere he crossed my path, in that place I would turn in the direction he was walking and sing to her, to her trees, to her forest, to all the little ones that I saw within her forest, the ones I see that I am forever cutting out their pictures and showing them I know they are real.  I would sing to the waters that come up from her and dance upon my path, checking carefully and noticing that they seemed to be coming a little more.  I would sing to all of them.  I would pour all my love, and all my heart into the song I have been given to sing to the mountain.  And every time Granddaddy Long Legged crossed my path, in that place I stopped to sing to the mountain.

When I came to the place where Tonya and I had been sent up to see where Kaylane was nesting, a spider crossed my path and bid me to follow him around a tree.. there I saw another gorilla nesting place. And as I was finishing my song and circling around the tree, I was told to pick up a stone and take it to Tonya.. Well, I didn't know how much further I would be going down this path, so I laid the stone by the tree and up about 8 feet there was another tree that I gave an offering to and asked that when I returned that I be reminded to pick up the stone at this spot when I was coming back down the mountain.....

Then I saw Bongo sitting up above me in the forest.. and knew I was surrounded by all the ones who had come with me to the mountain.  I felt so blessed knowing that I was surrounded by so much love that they had followed me to the Gorge..

Then this wave of energy hit me, this great love swept back through me ever as strong as the love I was sending out.. And I thought, "Why me?"  Why so beautiful the gift I have received upon moving here?

And they said, "Why Maureen, you have given us so much honor, we wanted to return the honor to you."

Protoplasm's of joy sweep through my soul.  so long before I ever knew that I would one come and sing to a mountain, they sent me gifts.  First come the crow, then come the feathers, then come the invitation to the Place of Peace.

So long before I knew it the path was prepared before me.  So long I wondered "Why?"

And it was more, because even before the Crow came, even before the gift of feathers fell before me, every time I looked upon the Earth, upon her stones, upon her trees, in her clouds, in her thunder beings, in her waters, in her grasses I saw life.  I saw another world stretched out before me, hidden here, tucked there, other people in another dimension, spirit people just waiting for a camera to catch their eye.  Just waiting to be discovered again.  Just waiting for another person to sing their song, for another person to believe.

I was one of the ones who saw them standing there and believed, who wanted to show them to others, who saw them too.

And so they gave me this beautiful gift.

so beautiful

so sacred

so holy

so wakan.

And of course I begin to cry, to weep at the knowing, so long I walked the path, so many lives seeing them in faces of the Stone People, in the faces of the trees, hidden among the leaves.  How long as Indian Maiden did I wait for the camera to be invented so that I could take pictures of them?  How joyful the expression when I realized I had captured their faces on film.  How I talked to them and danced with them.. and sang to them.. and even though I couldn't see them, on this night I felt them walking so close to me, again showing me their faces in fallen trees, and birds singing, and spider dances.

So I gave my tears to the Mountain.  With my finger I gathered my tears and laid them at her feet.

I continued my journey of love up the mountain, and in the places where the spiders crossed my path I turned to face that direction and sang my song to them.

When it was time to return, I was walking along with head down, watching the rhythm of my feet, watching for what ever would cross my path and singing in those places.  There was this little spider and it was walking real slow down the center of the path, so I went very slow.  then it stopped and just stood there, so I stopped.

First I thought it was telling me to sing to the mountain in this place.  When I looked up I realized that I was standing next to the tree I had asked to stop and remind me to pick up Tonya's stone.. It was beautiful.