Sc10: Renee is in her room watching a Ren and Stimpy video on her huge TV. The doorbell rings a
couple of times and nothing happens. It rings repeatedly so Renee stops her video and jogs
downstairs. Someone is heard running away from the door. Renee opens to door. In the
distance a figure is running to the wall. On the doorstep is a huge box. Renee reads the note
on the top which reads HAPPY BIRTHDAY... PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE. Renee rips off
the top to reveal someone dressed as a baboon. Around the stomach is a sheet reading IT'S
YOUR BIRTHDAY BABOON!
Renee steps back and closes the door. Velcro is heard ripping then a knock on the door. Matt
is standing there in a tux holding a box of chocolates with a letter.
MATT: I know how flowers make you puke so I got you chocolates instead.
RENEE: That's so...thoughtful. What are you doing here?
MATT: Well Claire said it was your birthday so I thought I'd just come by and drop off this letter
which asks if you'd like to have dinner with me?
RENEE: My birthday was 4 months ago.
MATT: Well...then...happy birthday for then.
Renee starts looking sick
RENEE: Can you wait for just one sec?
MATT: Sure. Anything for you.
Renee runs to the bathroom and slams the door. Matt patiently waits on the doorstep. Renee is
heard puking her guts out. She flushes the toilet and walks out.
MATT: Are you okay?
RENEE: Well, honestly...no. This is so...unexpected. And why are you wearing that tux?
MATT: I reserved us a table at a really swanky restaurant...Why? Is this not to your liking?
RENEE: (takes a breath) Nope. You're just too clean cut.
MATT: Clean cut is bad?
RENEE: Very bad. Geez, (sarcastically) pull up your pants-I can still see your neck!
MATT: Oh. No worries.
Matt pulls at the side of the tux and it falls off revealing a black t-shirt and blue jeans
RENEE: You came prepared?
MATT: I had to, d'ya see all the stuff I had planned for today? It's in the letter. A walk through the
park, lunch, a movie, dinner...
RENEE: Just shut up and wait a sec.
Renee runs off to a distant room and brings back some scissors and cuts holes in his jeans
RENEE: Now I can talk to you without thinking-dickhead
Matt stands silently confused
RENEE: Anyway, how d'ya get passed my guards?
MATT: Why do you think I cam in a box?
RENEE: Then who rang the doorbell?
MATT: Oh, that was my cousin Mike.
RENEE: How'd he get in?
MATT: Oh, he scaled your wall and got chased by your dogs Anyway, so will you come out to dinner
with me?
RENEE: But Matt, you do know I'm engaged, right?
Matt nods
RENEE: And you do know my dad won't hesitate to kill you if he sees you here.
Matt nods
RENEE: But I don't even like you.
They stand in complete silence for a while
MATT: Oh
Matt slowly, sadly starts to walk away
RENEE: (VO: What am I doing? This is my one true chance to defy my parents. To really piss them off.
And it could get rid of Josh. Plus he's rich.) Hey Matt!
Matt turns around
RENEE: Wait up!
Renee jogs down to Matt.
MATT: I knew you'd change your mind. You see. This is fate.
RENEE: Shut up or I'll change my mind.
MATT: Yes ma'am.
RENEE: We'll have to scale the wall. Come on. I don't have all day.
They run to the wall. They find Mike trying to jump over unsuccessfully due to his mauled
arm.
RENEE: Ooh, don't jump over there (points to a spot near Mike where there's heaps of leaves and
sticks on the ground)
MIKE: Why?
RENEE: Coz there's a hidden trap over there. Mike. It's nice to see you again.
MIKE: The pleasure's all yours. So you're actually gonna date this bozo.
MATT: Hey, I resent that!
MIKE: As you should.
RENEE: Are we just gonna stand here?
MATT: No.
RENEE: Good.
Renee jumps over.
RENEE: Come one you freaks.
MIKE: This is a big mistake Matt.
MATT: What would you know.
MIKE: More than you obviously.
MATT: Just shut up and get your fat ass up there.
Mike pulls himself up and Matt pushes his over. Mike falls with a thud. Matt jumps over.
MIKE: See you dorks later.
Mike walks away
RENEE: (walks to his BMW) Is this yours?
MATT: Yeah.
RENEE: You have no idea what to do now, eh?
MATT: (defensively) I know what to do...D'ya wanna see a movie?
RENEE: I have been meaning to see the remake of Romeo and Juliet.
MATT: Hey, me too!
RENEE: I was being sarcastic.
MATT: (pauses) Me too!
RENEE: Have you seen Gory Guts yet?
MATT: Isn't that a scary movie?
RENEE: An MA rated scary movie!
MATT: (puts on a fake smile) Oh joy.
They hop into his car and drive away
Sc11: Matt and Renee are walking out of Greater Union. It's nighttime. Matt is whiter than snow. A
teenage kid walks out behind them with his mum
KID: That was so cool when that girl's guts came out of her nose.
Matt looks sick
RENEE: Wasn't that mad? Didn't you love it when the guy's guts exploded inside him? That looked so
real! Can you imagine that happening to you? That would feel so unreal!
MATT: (sickly) Totally.
RENEE: So where's this swanky place that we're going to for dinner?
MATT: You're still hungry?
RENEE: Yeah.
MATT: After that movie and a jumbo size popcorn?
RENEE: Yeah. So where are we going?
Matt looks at her disbelievingly.
MATT: Just follow me.
Sc12: They're sitting in a posh restaurant. Matt hasn't touched his food and Renee is scoffing down
her seafood platter.
MATT: I can't believe we got in looking like this.
RENEE: The owner's a friend of mine. Are you gonna finish that?
MATT: No, go ahead.
Renee takes his plate and starts devouring it
MATT: You are amazing.
RENEE: I know.
Renee stands up
RENEE: Nature's calling.
Renee walks to the bathroom behind a woman also going to the bathroom. Matt sits for a
while then follows her. He peers through the door
CUT TO: The woman is freshening up at the sink with her handbag. Renee is washing her hands.
WOMAN: (turns to Renee) Excuse me. Could you mind this for me?
RENEE: Sure.
The woman goes into the toilet. Renee looks through the bag and takes out a beautiful
diamond ring. She looks it over slowly. She puts it back and then takes out the wallet. She
takes out a couple of notes and puts the wallet back as the woman flushes the toilet.
WOMAN: Thank you. You don't know how hard it is to trust someone these days in this city.
RENEE: You're very welcome.
The woman washes her hands as Renee leaves. Matt rushes to his seat.
RENEE: You ready to go?
MATT: Um, yeah. But are you sure you're ready to go?
RENEE: Why else would I ask? Anyway, South Park will be starting soon so chop chop.
MATT: Whatever you say. (looks over to the waiter) Cheque please.
Sc13: Matt is driving Renee home. He stops before they reach the gates.
RENEE: Thanx for tonight.
MATT: You're very welcome.
Renee looks at Matt for while then shrugs
RENEE: So what are you doing tomorrow?
MATT: Well, actually I'm...
RENEE: Nothing? Good. Coz I've been meaning to go to Wonderland before spring's over so...
MATT: So?
RENEE: So thank you for volunteering to take me.
MATT: But, I'm supposed to be taking Claire to the beach tomorrow.
RENEE: So cancel.
MATT: But...
RENEE: (pretends to start crying) Oh, but spring's almost over and I haven't found anyone to take me
and I've been meaning to go for so long...
MATT: Alright, alright...I'll cancel.
Matt picks up his mobile and dials Claire's number
MATT: Hi Claire? Yeah it's me um...uh huh...yeah I can't wait either but...they sound great but...you
see...my uh...grandma is in...Greenland and...I have to go visit her...yeah I know I promised
but...this is my grandma I'm talking about...look I'll make it up to you I promise...okay...bye.
(hangs up) God I hate lying.
RENEE: You did fine.
MATT: But lies make baby Jesus cry.
RENEE: (pretends to wail like a baby) Shut up Jesus. There...all better. Anyway, see ya later. And
remember to pick me up at 9 sharp!
MATT: Whatever you say. See ya.
Matt leans over to kiss her goodnight but she gets out of the car. He quickly sits back before
she turns around.
MATT: Bye.
Renee waves good-bye then jumps over the wall. Matt starts driving away.
MATT: (VO: Maybe she forgot again...oh stop fooling yourself you nitwit. She steals and there's
nothing you can do about it. Now stop being an asswipe and turn on some funky music)
Matt switches on his CD player and plays Spiceworld
MATT: (VO: Yes...I will spice up my life...)
