Scenes 43 & 44
WARNING WARNING Scene 43 is HUGE!! But scene 44 is weeniee so don't worry!!
LA
Scene 43: Ruby and Kris are shopping when Kris sees Billy and Jodie having lunch in a taco shop, sharing
a taco and a milkshake with Jodie just sitting there. She gets turned on and smooches him. Kris
jumps up and down
Kris: Who's that BABE?? Omigod!!
Ruby: Oh that's my friend Jodie.
Kris: Not her. The guy!! Omigod. SEXY!!
Ruby: Oh, that's just Billy.
Kris: That's Billy? Why didn't you show me him before? He's hot!! Sex on a stick…
Ruby: Yeah yeah yeah. I'll introduce you.
Kris: Omigod, omigod. Talk about good lookin'.
Ruby: Please don't make a fool out of yourself.
Kris: Ooh la la. He is the hottest thang. I need some water.
Ruby: Good, we need an excuse.
They walk over
Ruby: Hey, Billy, Jodie. This is Kristobell. Formally known as Kris…tobell.
Kris: (looks at Billy and giggles like a little schoolgirl) Hi. (VO: Good lookin'.) (looks at Jodie and
dully says) Hi.
Ruby whispers in Kris' ear
Ruby: Smooth.
Billy: Hi.
Kris: (VO: Omigod. He spoke to me. TO ME!!) Hi. (VO: Bi…lly.)
Billy: Uh, hi…Would you like to join us?
Ruby: Well, sure. But all we want is some water.
Kris: (VO: Water ain't the only thing on my mind.)
Billy: Have a seat.
Kris dives for the seat next to Billy. Ruby sits next to Jodie
Ruby: Yoo-hoo…waiter.
A flock of waiters run to the table excited about the superstar
Waiter1: What would you like?
The waiter grabs a pad but it flicks accidentally onto Ruby's face
Ruby: Ack!
Kris: (whispers to Ruby) Is this God getting you back?
Waiter1: Oh no, I'm sorry.
Ruby: Oh, never mind, all we need is a drink of water.
Kris: Yeah, water (stares dreamily at Billy)
The waiters walk away mumbling
Waiter1: All I want is a drink of water. Ooh, I'm a big star. All I need is a drink of water. Can shove this
water up her…
CUT TO: Ruby, Billy, Jodie and Kris
Ruby: So, how have you been?
Jodie: Oh, we've been fine.
Ruby: So how long have you been together. What is it? 2, 3 years even?
Billy: Uh, actually we've only been together for a week now.
Ruby: But you're soooo in love right?
Billy: Oh yeah, she's my angel.
Jodie: And he's my…taco.
Billy pulls a face
Billy: We're very much in love.
Kris: (VO: Yes, and our love is forbidden love.) But you know, statistics show that only 1 in 5
relationships last.
Jodie: Oh really? And where did you read that?
Kris: From Cleo. (VO: There's also many hunks in there too, but none can match the one sitting next to
me.)
Ruby: Uh, waiter, where's my water?
Another waiter rushes over with her water. Ruby drinks some
Ruby: This water tastes funny.
Waiter tastes some water
Waiter2: Ha, you're right. This is the funniest water I've ever tried!
Waiter walks off laughing
Jodie: I think it's time to go now.
Ruby: Yes, we'll go.
Kris kicks Ruby under the table
Ruby: Oww.
Kris: But I haven't gotten my water yet.
Billy: Don't worry. I'll buy you a bottle.
Kris: (VO: Omigod. First it's a bottle, then a ring…) Okay.
Ruby: Well, that's that.
Billy leaves $20 on the table. The 2nd waiter comes back (still laughing) and collect the money.
Ruby, Billy, Jodie and Kris walk to the nearest newsagency and Billy buys Kris a bottle of water
Jodie: Well, we'll be on our way now.
Ruby: We ought to go too. I've got another audition.
Kris: (VO: Nooo. He got me a bottle. That's a sign. That's a sign.)
Billy and Jodie walk away hand in hand
Kris: (looks at Ruby with a "you're dead" look) You! You don't have another audition. You cow!!
Ruby: Hey, considering the fact you were standing in a pool of your own drool I reckon I was doing you a
favor.
Kris: Well, stop doing me favors…unless if I ask you too. Anyway, I really like him.
Ruby: Kris (puts her hand on Kris' shoulder) He's taken.
Kris: Minor technicality. Does it look like I care?
Ruby: Kris, he's happy. Don't take away his happiness.
Kris: God, I hate it when you talk to me like that.
Ruby: It is more blessed to give than to receive-especially kittens.
Kris: Just shut up.
CUT TO: Billy and Jodie are walking down the street
Jodie: Did you see how disgusting that Kristo…something was. I mean, she was practically throwing
herself at you.
Billy: Nah, you're crazy. I thought she was nice. A little weird here and there but nice overall. Look,
she's probably just very open or on prescribed medication.
Jodie: (VO: Poor naïve little Billy…prescribed medication my ass…)
CUT TO: Ruby and Kris are walking along near a bunch of expensive shops
Kris: Hey Ruby.
Ruby: What?
Kris: Have you ever noticed that whenever you hear the word save, it's usually the beginning of an ad
designed to make you spend money?
Ruby: I never thought of it that way.
Kris: Oh.
Ruby: (sarcastically) So what d'ya think of Billy?
Kris: What kind of a moronic question is that? Do you want me to spell it out? S-E-X-Y and just soooo
G-O-O-D-L-O-O-K-I-N-G.
Ruby: All right, all right. Hey isn't that a beautiful dress?
Kris: Do you think he likes me? Oh wow, this is cool. If I could only get him to notice me more. Why
don't we go over to his place tonight and stay for dinner! I could bring chocolates for him. Ooh, it
gives me shiver to think about it!!
Ruby: Okay, hello? We've already discussed this…is there a brain in there? (Ruby
taps Kris' head) No1-Billy already has a girlfriend, y'know Jodie, the one who kissed him.
No2-We don't invite ourselves to other people's places without invitations. No3- We've already
talked about this. No4-Never ever think of giving a guy chocolates. That's a thing guy's do!!
Kris' face falls
Kris: Oh.
Ruby: Don't worry Missy Krissy, there are plenty of other guys around. Ooh, what
about Charlie my security guy? You…
Kris: Don't say anymore. He's an ugly twit!! I want Billy. Billy. Billy. Billy. Cowboy
Billy. Mmmmmmm.
Ruby: But Charlie's…
Kris: Last name is Bobcock. I don't think so.
They walk into a store
Kris: Only Billy. He's the only one.
Ruby: Uh, Kris, you outta watch where you're going.
Kris: Why?
Ruby: Coz you're about to walk into a stack of bras.
Kris: What?
Kris looks up just as she stumbles over a display of bras
Kris: Ack! Get 'em off me!! Help!!
Ruby pulls her out. Kris gets up but falls back down coz of a bra covering her face
Kris: Argh! I'm blind!!
Ruby takes the bra off her head. Kris' eyes are shut
Kris: I'm blind!!
Ruby: Try opening your eyes.
Kris: Yep, that's better.
Ruby: Now try standing up.
Kris: You mean I'm not?
Scene 44: Fran is on a plane headed for LA
Fran: (VO: So she thinks she can just kill my daughters and not pay for her crimes…well, I'll teach her a
lesson she'll never forget. Ooh, little packets of peanuts…)
Scenes 45 - 48
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