Scene 49: Ruby and Jeremy are at Ruby's home. Jeremy's watching TV
Scene 50: Ruby is running to MJC's mansion. She rushes and rings the doorbell. She keeps her finger on it
until Kris answers the door and whacks Ruby's hand
Kris: Ruby. Do you have any idea how loud that doorbell is? Obviously not. Wait, why are you here?
Ruby: (puffing) You…would not…believe what I…just heard…Can I…please sit…down?
Kris: Yeah, sure, come in before the photographers see you.
Ruby goes in and sits down for a while
Kris: What's up?
Ruby: What's up?!? What's up?!? I'll tell you what's up. The sky. All my relatives are dead, my security
guards suck, well, one's missing but I'm sure he'll just pop out of nowhere, my love life is in
shambles and two of my best friends have committed suicide!!
Kris: Well that was unexpected. Are you on any medication?
Ruby: Not that I know of.
Kris: Well you should be. So, what's this about you and Jeremy? Come on, spill it.
Ruby gets a sick look on her face
Kris: No, no, no, no, no, no, nooooooooo!!
Ruby pukes on the carpet
Kris: (disgusted by the crap on the floor) That's disgusting.
MJC runs in
MJC: What the hell just…(looks at the crap)…What is that?
Kris: Ruby was just sharing with me the inside story of her life.
MJC: Yes, well, make sure next time she doesn't share so much, all right?
Kris: Yes, Mum.
MJC leaves
Ruby: Sorry.
Kris: Don't worry. I love cleaning up…crap.
Ruby: Look, where was I? Oh yeah. I walking in the park after fighting with Jeremy…
Kris: (cuts in) There was a fight! Ooh fun!
Ruby looks at Kris
Kris: Fine, fine. I'll behave. But I expect every little juicy detail afterwards.
Ruby: Anyway, I was in the park and that's when I heard Sam and Ronnie. They were talking about
killing Jodie.
Kris sits there uninterested playing thumb wars with herself
Ruby: They were also gonna kill you beloved Billy.
Kris: (perks up) What? Bastards. I mean bitches! They can't do that to Billy. No way, no how.
Ruby: Do you realise what I just said. If they go through with it no more Billy!
Kris sits there, eyes wide open, mouth slightly open
Ruby: Hello?!? Kris?!? Can you hear me? Earth to Freaky! Come in Freaky!! Do you copy?
MJC walks in again
MJC: Hey Kris. I'm just gonna pop out and get some milk and I don't care what you…(looks up at
Kris)…Kris? Can you hear me? (Looks at Ruby) What have you done to my kid?
Ruby: Well…(stutters)…You see, I…Man, I'm in for it now.
Kris shakes her head
Kris: Noooooooo!!
MJC: So you can hear me.
Kris: Huh? What the…huh?
MJC: Oh, forget it.
MJC leaves the room
Kris: So there was a fight, eh? I guess that means you need a place to stay.
Ruby: (Sarcastically) Oh no! I'm just gonna roll around in the mud at the park. Then I'll hug some
snakes. Yes, that's right. I'll hug and kiss some poisonous snakes. Now that's sarcasm!
Kris: Just come with me. Twit.
They walk into a large spare room
Kris: Make yourself comfortable.
Ruby: Thanx. You're the greatest.
Kris: I know.
A loud male voice makes Ruby jumps
Guy: KRIS!! Come on. You said you'd only be a minute!!
Kris: (grins) (VO: Shit.) I'll be right back.
Kris runs upstairs to her room
Kris: Joey. Shut up. I have company and I think it would be good if she found you here.
Joey: Why?
Kris: No1-You're 20 years older than me. No2-You're male. No3-We're not related and No4-I'm
supposed to be infatuated with some other guy.
Joey: (giggles) You said Number 1!
Kris: Don't start with me. Look just stay up here until I tell you it's safe to come down. Okay? Do you
think you'll be able to remember that?
Joey: Huh?
Kris: Forget it.
Kris goes back downstairs
Kris: (gives a fake laugh) Some wannabe actor. Had some papers to sign. Anyway, so what d'you and
Jeremy fight about? (Sits on a chair)
Ruby: I said he was an idiot.
Kris: (falls off the chair) You said he was what?
Ruby: (screams) I SAID HE WAS AN IDIOT!
Kris: (screams) WELL ALRIGHTY THEN!
Ruby/Kris: (VO: Twit.)
Joey walks in
Joey: What did you say before?
Kris hits her head. Ruby looks at Joey wide eyed. Joey's wearing a tight white top and jeans
Ruby: Just another wannabe actor, eh? Wow. Who's he?
Kris: I can't tell you. I'm too immature.
Ruby: C'mon, introduce us.
Kris: Fine. Ruby, Joey. Joey, Ruby. Happy now?
Joey: (shakes Ruby's hand) Kris' told me a lot about you.
Ruby: She has, has she? Are you two, um, dating?
Joey: Yeah! Cool, huh?
Kris just sits there hitting herself
Ruby: Kris, you never told me about Joey. Why?
Kris: Shut…up…Joey, you can go home now.
Joey: See ya tomorrow?
Kris: Maybe.
Joey leaves. Ruby starts grinning at Kris
Ruby: You really have a thing for southern accents, don't you?
Kris: Look, just don't tell Mum about your little discovery, okay? If she finds out I'm chopped liver.
Ruby: Well…I can't promise you anything.
Kris: I know…So what are you gonna do about Sam and Ron?
Ruby: Well…(whispers to Kris)
Kris: Ahh. Brilliant!
