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Amber Sampson, Retriever Weekly Staff Writer, published January 27, 2004
At the risk of angering scores of UMBC gamers and techies, I must say that I have missed UMBC’s firewall. Using my recently upgraded home computer, I was subject to an endless stream of pop-up ads, for everything from poker chips to mortgages, and of course, porn, porn, and more porn. Unexpected pop-ups serve as a constant reminder that pornography is everywhere, and in high demand.
I remember having a conversation with my dad several years ago about how the internet had erased any shame from the viewing of pornography, allowing men who wouldn’t have risked having their cars seen at the local adult book store the luxury of enjoying it in the privacy of their own homes. This seems to me to be a moot discussion now, since watching porn is no longer something to be ashamed of, and is discussed casually among men and women. As early as middle school, I remember being shocked at how casually girls accepted their boyfriends’ porn habits, as if it wasn’t a big deal to them.
I wondered then, and I wonder now, isn’t it a big deal?
Over the break, I caught an interview with Naomi Wolf, a noted feminist who has studied the effects of pornography on romantic relationships, particularly among young men and women. The crux of her research shows that, contrary to popular belief, pornography doesn’t whet men’s sexual appetites, but desensitizes men to the appeal of female sexuality.
Her research reveals that women are more insecure than ever about their ability to hold onto a man. It’s no longer the case that men are excited merely by the prospect of having sex with their partners. She recalls in "The Porn Myth," an article in New York Magazine, that there was once a time, not too long ago, when the presence of a "naked, willing young woman" was the ultimate turn-on. Now, with the inundation of sexual imagery, real and imperfect women are forced to compete with physically perfect — and consumer-crafted — cyber images, for the attention and attraction of men.
The pressure to acquiesce to the every demand of the opposite sex overwhelmingly affects women. Although for years it’s been common knowledge that most women are excited by outlandish romance (see any romantic comedy or romance novel), I have seen no mad rush of men to become poets or old-fashioned romancers. But the rush of women to weight loss centers, beauty clinics, plastic surgeons, and even exotic dance classes is disturbing. Women are ignoring their own desires or needs and scrambling to become the modern male fantasy: the porn star.
One look around at a club reveals the effect that pornography has had on relationships: women "grind" with other women, not because of any homosexual attraction, but to fulfill the currently popular male fantasy. Women seem to understand that men are more interested in watching women indulge their sexuality than in actually participating in it themselves. It’s not the woman who’s attractive; it’s the show.
But with the dizzying array of sexual fantasies to choose from, the task of becoming the private porn star is quite a monumental one. On the internet, men can indulge in any fantasy they please. One pop-up ad that appears on my computer about six times a day reads, "Lesbian, gay, hardcore, amateurs, fetish, ebony, Indian, Asian, Busty Girls, and much more!"
Naomi Wolf asks, "But does all this sexual imagery in the air mean that sex has been liberated — or is it the case that the relationship between the multi-billion-dollar porn industry, compulsiveness, and sexual appetite has become like the relationship between agribusiness, processed foods, super-size portions, and obesity?"
Her point is that when people are allowed to indulge in any sexual proclivity, their normal lives (and normal wives) become less appealing. And it seems obvious to me that the appetite for the unfamiliar, the thrilling, and even the bizarre and twisted, is encouraged — leading to the unhindered indulgence of fantasies of enslavement and domination, and, of course, the remaining social taboo: child porn.
Of course, nearly everyone is disturbed by child pornography, but I ask: Is it OK for an industry to be built on the degrading of women to the sexual whims of men, as long as they are over 18? Should it be socially acceptable for men to spend their time indulging their sexual appetite, without regard to their partners or the affect their behavior has on women? Should women wink at their degradation and decrease in value and interest in the eyes of men? Is it OK that the experience of sex has so little value in modern society that the cyber version is just as good?
Naomi Wolf’s final argument is that perhaps pornography should not be thought of as a moral danger, but as an emotional and physical health issue. This doesn’t seem unwarranted, what with the cover of TIME proclaiming that a good love life is a benefit to your health.
But the causal acceptance of pornography is more than a health risk or a religio-political struggle; it is the dulling of the force that has driven art and literature for centuries, and the destruction of the relationship among the sexes that is the foundation of society. It is the sacrifice of real passion and companionship for the instant gratification of fleeting and selfish desire.
Men would be well-advised to stop watching, and women to stop winking.
Christopher Paul, published January 27, 2004
In reference to Amber Sampson's article "Pornography and Romantic Relationships are Mutually Exclusive," I support her views expressed in the article. Amber did miss an important point being porn also demoralizes men. This is a subtler point. First, there is a complete separation from intimacy for the male. In porn it's always the sex act that is emphasized. Rarely is there any kissing or real exchange of affection which creates a disconnect from intimacy.
Secondly, in porn, all sex is distorted and perverted. I can almost guarantee that what is viewed in pornography is not what goes on in most bedrooms. Porn is not normal human sexuality. Therefore, many men get the impression from porn that if their partner isn't clawing the paint off the ceiling that they aren't satisfying their lover. This leads to inadequacies on the part of the male.
Many people are not as auditory as pornography would like us to think. This leads to another inadequacy in that if we're not auditory, then we are not enjoying our lover's affections. There is also the physical appearance of the male, which also equates into the inadequacy equation. As a woman viewer may be comparing her own physical makeup to the actress, the same intimidation subconsciously goes through the male viewer's mind watching the actor. This creates further anxieties for the male.
Lastly, there is a component of degradation that extends beyond the porn industry. According to popular advertising a man is inadequate if he's not ready 24/7 and thinking about sex every one and a half minutes. This in itself is an aberration and a misconception. Obviously, if this was the only thing on a man or woman's mind then how would we have made the accomplishments we have made so far as a society? In addition, if this was true there would be no need for Viagra.
Viagra has two interesting implications about male inadequacy. One, that porn has desensitized the male psyche to the point that men are no longer simply turned on through normal human sexuality. The second implication is man needs an artificial stimulant in order to adequately satisfy his lover.
A great deal of what Amber said is on target. It's just a shame that she missed the point that porn degrades both men and women, therefore society in general.
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