| April 28, 1999 | |
      
In my head: "Cruel" Tori Amos
Thinking:
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J. and I found out today that his credit "is not
excellent" so we're going to have to dig up someone to
co-sign for him, promise the lady his credit means
nothing compared to his word, or look for another
place to live VERY, VERY soon. I'm scared out of my
tree.
But what really pisses me off is that when I
asked my father if maybe he'd cosign for J., my father
not only said no, but also added: "Do you know what you're getting into? I know you love him, but that is very disturbing that he's only 23 and has bad credit."Maybe I'm mistaken, but my father was the one who always told me to love everyone no matter how much money they make or what they look like and lots of other hippy stuff that even filled my pre-formed head in the first trimester. I felt like my father has gone back to where we begin in his relationship with J., thinking he's some alcoholic, lazy bastard who pipedreams his love for me. Fuck off. Everywhere I went today there seemed to be a Marine talking to someone about future involvement with Kosovo. Even J. said to me today while I was sitting at my desk trying to look professional, "While I'm in California for training (May 20-June 20), will you use my ATM card and pay my bills?"Of course that's no problem. Then he said, "What if I'm activated?"The tears just started gushing. Time for the good side. I landed a part time and temporary job at my internship site doing writing and clerical stuff. They're willing to try me out on helping with video production and graphics, since it is the internal communications or media services of the hospital. I'm content because now I know that I can afford health insurance, but it's the damn apartment and living situation that is stressful. Goddess help me...
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