Part Two of Armageddon, Ali Style

Next day at Kennedy space center: The guys are in a hallway, waiting for the NASA Guy. They all look dead tired
Nick: "Man, we shoulda gotten some sleep last night!"
JC: "I told you guys, but cha never listen."
Chris: "And what, sleep through our last night on earth? Hell no."
Brian: "What are you talking about, last night on earth?"
Chris: "Yeah because this half assed plan to split an asteroid with singing is ingenious! I'm pretty Optimistic of the world's outcome."(Sarcastically).
Nick: "It's not the writer's fault she couldn't come up with a better reason to have us in this movie."
Chris: "I guess, but if she kills me off, I don't even know dude."
JC: "She wouldn't kill you, or any of us off, (points to the rest of N Sync) have you ever seen her room? She's all about *N Sync, now BSB I'm not sure of."
All the members of BSB swallow hard not knowing their fate. The NASA Guy along with a few others walk up.
NASA Guy: "Ok guys, today's the day! Lets get you suited up ok?"
They head to the room where the space suits are. As the door opens the guys look a round to find the one with their name on it. Lance finds his and stares in aw.
Lance: "This is incredible."
The NASA Guy walks up behind him.
NASA Guy: "It's a lot better than those motorcycle helmets and coveralls you guys wear in your shows huh?"
Lance: "What? Oh yeah, definitely."
The guys suit up with the help of some NASA people.
NASA Guy: "Ok, so everyone is clear as to what you'll be doing up there? (He looks around and sees them all nod yes.) Good. Well let's get you on the ships." (They all stand up and turn to leave) Make me proud boys." (They all turn around and smile)
Lance: "We will, don't worry." He says proudly.
They walk outside, and are about to board the shuttle bus to the ships when JC hears someone shout out his name.
Girl's voice: "JC!"
JC: "Huh? (He turns around to see this girl running toward him.)
Girl: "wait, don't go! (She throws her arms around him, he doesn't know what to make of it so he hugs her back.) I don't want you to go."
JC: (whispers in her ear) "I have to, I'll be back, will you wait for me?" (He looks into her eyes)
Girl: "Yes." (with that they embraced in a long kiss.)
Brian: "Who's that girl?"
Chris: "Oh, that's the author, she couldn't resist."
Joey: "I wish she wrote me in a chick."
Chris: "Me too."
Voice 1: "Chris!"
Voice 2: "Joey!"
Both boys look at each other with surprise.
Both: "SWEET ASS!"
Then they run to the girls who called out their names.
Joey to his girl: "Wait, stop, you have red boots on, no way and a superman watch! Where have you been all my life?" (They kiss)
Chris to his girl: "I like your orange fleece."
Girl: "Shut up and kiss me!"
Chris: "Ok."
So all three guys are smoochin' while the others look on jealously until they are told to get on the shuttle bus.
The three boys: "Wait for us girls!"
Three girls: "We will!"
They get on the bus and wave as they drive off. They get to the bridge of the two shuttles.
NASA person: "BSB on the left, *N Sync on the right."
Kevin and JC stand in the middle as the two groups branch off and get in the ships.
Kevin: "Good luck JC."
They shake hands.
JC: "You too, see ya up there."
With that they get on their shuttles. They get strapped in, and the countdown commences.
NASA: " 5…….4……"
Howie: "Oh GOD!"
NASA: "3……."
Justin: "We're going to die!"
NASA: "2….."
Brian: "Can we change our minds?"
NASA: "1……"
Chris: "Oh shit! I forgot, I'm afraid of heights!
NASA: " Lift off."
Chris as they lift off: "Let me outta here, JC, Joey, help!"
JC: "Too late Chris, enjoy the ride!"
On the other shuttle.
Nick: "Kevin, I think Howie passed out!"
Kevin: "Good, we won't have to hear him squeal then."
They exit earth's atmosphere and straighten out.
Pilot of N Sync ship: "You guys can unstrap yourselves and float around if you want."
Joey: "Sweet. Lance, get me out, I wanna float!"
Lance unstraps Joey, and they float around. JC helps Justin get undone.
JC: "Do you want me to unstrap you Chris?"
Chris: "Hell no. I'm staying right in this seat the whole time."
Justin: "suit yourself man."
He says as he floats over Chris's head. Chris watches the others do flips and have fun. He being the 'fun guy' wanted to join in. He fidgets in his chair deciding whether or not to do it.
Chris: "Ok, I wanna play too, let me out please."
Lance: "I knew you couldn't resist." He chuckles.
He unstraps Chris and he joins the others in their weightlessness. Meanwhile the guys of BSB are doing The same thing.
Nick: "AJ, slow down or you'll make yourself sick doing all those flips!"
AJ: "No way, this kicks ass!"
Back in the N Sync ship
Joey: "Man, all this floating's making me hungry."
Justin: "Me too."
Joey: "I wonder if they have any of that phat astronaut ice-cream?"
Justin: "Ever taste that stuff? It's like chalk. I want some Apple Jacks."
Lance: "I don't think Apple jacks are on the menu Justin, but dehydrated ice cream maybe."
Joey: "Alright!"
On the BSB shuttle.
BSB pilot: "Ok boys, take your seats while we come up on the space station."
Kevin: "Come on guys, you heard him."
They all look out the window to see the space station, then take their seats again. Both shuttles dock, and the crews proceed to enter the structure.
Russian Astronaut: "Hello, I'm the Russian Astronaut, welcome to my home"(he says in a Russian accent)
BSB pilot: "Where's the fuel?"
Russian Astronaut: "This way, follow me."
The leads the pilots away. The NASA guys put the fuel lines together and begin pumping it into the shuttles while the guys explore the space station.
Kevin: "Nicki, don't touch anything."
Nick: "Why say that to just me Kev, it's not fair!"
Kevin: "Fine, all of you, don't touch anything."
Justin: "Did you guys hear something?"
No one answers him; they are too busy looking at stuff. He hears the noise again. It's coming from behind a little door. He goes over to the door, and reaches out to open it, he hesitates and hears the noise again. It spooks him. The Russian astronaut sees him near the door and tells him to get away from it, but he rips it open
Russian Astronaut: "NNNOOOOO!!!"
Justin: "What the hell!" (He's stunned to see what it was making the noise). "What the hell is Mariah Carey doin' on this space station?"
Everyone: "What?" (they walk over to see what he's talking about)
Justin: "Yo, Mariah Carey is locked up in this closet!" (Laughing)
Russian Astronaut: "Who's is this Mariah Carey?
(He walks up to the closet and looks shocked to see her there. She is in a ball with her feet, hands, and mouth taped up)
" How did this girl get up here?"
Mariah just looks back at them all mumbling something.
AJ: "What's she saying?"
Kevin to Justin: "Take the tape off her mouth."
Justin steps over to take it off her mouth, as soon as he does it, she starts bitching.
Mariah: "It's about time! Did you really think I enjoy having tape over my mouth? (To Justin) Don't just stand there, get me out of this closet fool!"
Justin: "Yes ma'am."
He takes the tape off of her and helps her out of the closet. As she gets out she sees the Russian astronaut and gets scared. She takes in a deep breath of fear and clings to Joey as if the Russian Astronaut is going to do her harm. Joey holds her close and get a huge smile on his face as he sizes up the woman clinging to him
Brian: "Why are you up here?"
Mariah: "Why don't you ask that Russian pervert over there? (Everyone looks at him; he gives them a look like he has no idea what she's talking about.) All I know is I was in my hotel room and these Russian people kidnapped me and brought me here. This guy's been chasing me all over this place. After a while he caught me, but I guess you guys showed up, so he taped me up, shoved me in this closet for later, (to Joey) Thank God you guys are here!"
Joey looks at her.
Joey: "Anytime Mariah" He gives her his best smile. She flashes a fake one back at him and slowly pushes him away. They all look at the Russian Astronaut as the Pilots come in the area.
Pilot: "We're all fueled up, (sees Mariah) Where the hell did you come from?"
Nick: "He kidnapped her!" He points to the Russian Astronaut. They all look at him again. He doesn't know what to do. He looks around and finally grabs a gun from his pants
Russian Astronaut: "That's it!" He says pointing the gun at them all.
Kevin: "Oh shit!"
Lance: "Everyone, run to the ships!"
They all skater about in the confined area, bumping into each other. Most of them make it past the crazy Russian astronaut. Mariah, AJ, and Joey are all left at gunpoint. Mariah clings to Joey again, Joey is clinging to AJ. AJ just stands there like a tough guy afraid of nothing.
AJ: "You won't use that, so put it down man."
Russian Astronaut: "Oh yeah! How do you know American pretty boy?"
AJ: "If you shoot that and it goes through the walls, the outside will suck all the oxygen out, and you'll die!"
While AJ is talking to him, Lance is creeping up behind with a metal pipe in hand, ready to strike.
Russian astronaut: "Who cares? I'll do it!
(Lance takes a swing, THUMP) I w..i..l..l.." He drops to the floor unconsense. Lance is stunned by his heroic task.
AJ: "Come on, let's get to the ships!"
Joey and lance get on their ship; AJ grabs Mariah's hand and leads her to his. Both shuttles take off. An hour goes by.
Joey: "All this fuss made me thirsty, do we have any of that Tang stuff up in here?"
Copilot: "It's in the cabinet below the food."
Joey: "Sweet."
In the BSB ship, Mariah Carey has been bitching and moaning the whole time, BSB is going crazy!
Mariah: "Look at my hair! This atmosphere just kills it, it has no body, no bounce! Were you guys sent up here to find me?"
Mick: "Um nobody knew you were missing."
Mariah: "What! Jesus, what's wrong with people? (She goes off) I'm so important, everyone wants to be me! As she's ranting and raving, Brian comes up behind her with tape in hand, Howie grabs her as Brian puts the tape on her mouth. She is squirming so much they decided to tape her to the seat.
Brian: "There. Now don't move, hahahaha."
Pilot: "Look lively boys, there's the asteroid up ahead."
On the N Sync shuttle:
Pilot: "Put your helmets on, and strap yourselves in, we're approaching the asteroid. It could get a little bumpy."
They all sit in their seats and buckle up. There is a lot of debris in the way cause in the shuttle to weave in and out avoiding the fragments.
Justin: "We're gonna die! I can feel it!"
Chris: "Shut up Justin!"
Lance: "Really, these are the top pilots in the world, have a little faith." After a few close calls, both shuttles land safely.
Pilot: "Ok crew. Keep an eye on your oxygen levels, keep your boosters on, and don't wander Off, we'll begin drilling soon."
Joey: "sweet, lets go moonwalk Lance!"
The guys get out of the shuttle and explore the asteroid with BSB.
Nick: "this is awesome!"
Lance: "Yeah it is."
JC: "Look guys, it's earth!"
They all stare in awe.
Chris: "Oh my GOD! Look how high we are!" Panicking he drops down to the ground and hold on for dear life
JC: "Are you expecting to fall off or something?"
They all laugh
Chris: "Leave me alone…is the drilling done? Can we go now?"
Joey: "Hey where's Mariah?"
Howie: "Oh we strapped he to a chair and taped her mouth shut."
Kevin: "Yeah she's the most annoying bitch on earth….and now she reaches beyond that."
AJ: "She can ride back with you guys if you want."
JC: "No thanks. I never liked her. I always thought she was a stuck up bitch."
Nick: "She thinks the whole world is looking for her ass, boy was she pissed when I told her no one knew she was missing."
Brian: "we should do the world a favor and leave her here!"
The others laugh
One of the mission specialists walks over.
Mission specialist: "Guys. We're almost done with the drilling so you'd better warm up your voices."
The split up and start their warm up exercises.
Justin: "we should sing ' I drive myself crazy' cause Chris has the highest voice and that's like his song ya know?"
Lance: "Good idea."
JC: "OK, ready?…1…2…3…,"
All: "I lie awake, I drive myself crazy, drive myself crazy,"
Chris: "Thinking of yooooouuuu."
Meanwhile BSB is breaking into song.
BSB: "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight."
Chris: 'hey, that's our cover song!"
AJ: "We know, but we feel like singing it."
Justin: "Go ahead, just don't start using it in your shows though.'
Brian: "Never guys, don't worry, the song's all yours."
Both bands keep singing as the mission specialist walks over.
Mission specialist: "Ok, the hole is all set, it's show time fellas!" (They all walk toward the shuttles to get the high tech recorder.) Ok, when I say go, you all sing as high as possible ok?..ready..GO!"
they all let out this high pitch squealing noise that brought pain upon the mission specialist, even Lance!
Mission specialist: "Ok…cut…CUT….STOP!!! (they all stop) that was the most hideous sound I've ever heard, I hope this works!"
Joey: "Wow Lance. I never knew you could sing that high!"
Lance: "I can't. Didn't you see? I had Justin kick me in the balls."
Joey: "Ouch! Good idea."
Justin: "Yeah, but just remember you told me to do it, so…
Lance: " Don't worry, I wont payback the favor." He laughs.
Nick to mission Specialist: "Ok, so are we done now?"
Mission specialist: "We just have to drop this is the hole and then we're gone. Go wait for us in the shuttles."
They all get in the shuttles and prepare to leave.
Brian: "damn guys, we're going to be hero's!"
Kevin: " Yeah we are cuz! Everyone who didn't like us, now has us to thank for saving their asses!"
AJ: "Woah Kev, got some built up hostility?"
Kevin: "Yeah." He says kind of embarrassed
Howie: "What about Mariah:?"
Brian: "let's leave the bitch!"
Nick: "Yeah, put her outside."
Kevin: "We should put a space suit on her first so she wont melt away, she need to suffer!" They put one on her, which was no easy task, they decide to take the tape off her mouth.
AJ: "maybe she will bitch herself to death!"
Mariah: 'maybe you can go to hell! All of you go to hell!"
Kevin picks her up cause over his shoulder, she's kicking and punching his back.
Mariah: "When I get back to earth, you all will pay for this! Earth is nothing without me!"
Justin is looking out the window of his ship
Justin: "hey you guys look! Kevin is leaving Mariah Carey behind!"
They all go to the window to see your themselves.
JC: "well I'll be damned!"
Chris: "Sweet" (In Cartman voice)
Pilot: "Take your seats guys, we're going home now."
They all take their seats again, Lance helps to strap Chris in all tight.
Chris: "I hate this part, Lance, can we still die going home?"
Lance: "Oh yeah, anything can happen."
Chris: "Oh man." Lance takes his own seat. Chris starts singing to himself to calm his nerves. "Here we go one more time, everybody's feelin' fine…"
Outside:
Mariah: "Don't leave me you little shit! I'm warning you!"
Kevin: "Later lady." He gets on his shuttle.
Mariah is still bitching as she runs toward the ship. Everyone is buckled in on the N Sync shuttle, and it takes off. Mariah is banging on the BSB shuttle.
Mariah: "Let me in! Please, I promise I'll stop complaining! PLEASE!!!!!!"
Kevin to the pilot: "Take us home Sir."
They take off and leave Mariah Carey to blow up with the asteroid.
N Sync pilot to Copilot: "Ok, the other ship is out of range, let's detonate the recorder."
Copilot: "OK," He presses the release button that sets off the recorder.
Justin: "I didn't hear anything explode."
Copilot: "OH SHIT!!"
Pilot: "What now?"
Copilot: "I forgot to put the batteries in the high tech recorder!!!!!"
Chris: "GOD DAMN IT!!! I'm not going back! Take us home to die with our families!"
Justin: "I'm never going to drive my Mercedes M again! We're all gonna die!"
Joey: "This looks like a job for Superman!"
JC: "Be quite Joey."
Copilot of BSB: "Why haven't they detonated it yet?"
Pilot: "I don't know."
Meanwhile back on the asteroid Mariah is walking about trying to find a way home.
Mariah: "There has to be a way out of here!"
She isn't watching where she is walking and falls into the hole. As she is falling she lets out one of her ear piercing squeals and the asteroid explodes, along with her of course.
-BBBOOOOOMMMMM- (asteroid exploding)
The explosion causes both ships to sift around a little.
Lance: "We did it!, we saved the world!"
Everyone cheers
Chris: "let's go home!"
The shuttles make it to earth safely. The boys step out to a heroes welcome; every square inch of runway space is filled with teenyboppers, news and media crews, friends and family.
Joey to JC and Chris: "Hey.. there's our chicks from before!"
They see them and they all run towards each other and embrace in long kisses.
Everyone is happy, the world is saved, and no Mariah Carey. The world is truly a better place.
Lance was offered a position at NASA when he is done with his singing career.
Joey got a to play the part of superman in a made for TV movie.
Howie decided to cut his hair and AJ decide to keep his the same color for a month.
JC and the author got married, and lived happily ever after.
-The End-






Part One of Armageddon, Ali Style
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