2003 Celebrity Online Halloween Foosball Tournament

This year's Celebrity Online Foosball Tournament is probably the most wide open in history. Whereas in year's past there were clear favorites (2001 had "The Man" Bill Clinton" and Adam Sandler; Last year's were James Gandolfini and Larry David), this year there are at least a half dozen "favorites" and many other candidates with really good shots at winning it all. Its hard to predict what exactly will go down, but it certainly will be a lot of fun.

Will Ferrell: Frank The Tank! After Old School came out in February, Will Ferrell immediately became the odds-on favorite to win this year's Celebrity Tournament. Its wide open, but if anybody is gong to be favored, Ferrell is it. He also gets bonus points for the Halloween Foosball Tournament- A Night at the Roxbury connection. Quite simply one of the funniest men to ever live, plus he, he, he drives a Dodge Stratus!! Odds: 3-1

Macho Man Randy Savage: Back in the 80's, he was one of the best wrestlers in the World Wrestling Federation. In the 1990's he was a well respected veteran presence in the wrestling industry. But now, he's the best hardcore gangsta rapper in the world. Think of these ill rhymes about his longtime rival, Hulk Hogan, "I'll kick you in the butt, and wash your mouth out with soap!" Word. Odds 300-1

Vince Vaughn: Ferrell's co-star in Old School, he's also made Wayne Gretzky's head bleed. A funny man in his own right, Vaughn certainly has the ability to go deep in the tournament, but can't be considered one of the favorites in a field with so many top contenders. Odds 20-1

Shakira: The sexy Colombian follows in the footsteps of Jennifer Lopez, Mariah Carey, and Beyonce Knowles as female singers who have competed in the Celebrity tournament through the years. She's got a chance of winning a game, but has to be considered a long shot to go deep. Odds 150-1

David "Useless" Ortiz: Does this man know when to get hot or what? Ortiz who earned the nickname "Useless" courtesy of Uncle Billy has been on an absolute tear of late, including hitting a dramatic game winning home run against the Orioles this week. Ortiz could very well be the American League's MVP this year. MVP, World Series, and Celebrity Foosball Champ. That would be quite the trifecta, but if he keeps up his current performance, it would be no surprise to me. Odds 8-1.

Grady "B.D." Little: Uncle Billy called Ortiz Useless and he calls Grady Little "B.D." as in "Brain dead." Harsh words indeed. But you have to give credit to the man who led the Red Sox to their first playoff spot in four years. Grady's got a tough road ahead of him if he wants to win a foosball championship, but I think he, like Ortiz, has proven his nickname wrong. So probably no foosball title, but a World Series one will help ease the sting of that. Odds 125-1

Legendary Coach Jack Parker: The legendary head coach of the Boston University Terriers hockey team is one of the lesser mainstream entrants in this year's tournament. But he is one person who challenges Chuck in legendaryness. He's led B.U. to two national titles, and too many Beanpots to count. He also is the active leader for career coaching wins, and is third all-time. Parker will lead the Terriers to a national title at the Fleet Center next spring, (along with Beanpot, and Hockey East titles as well) but he could start it all off by winning a foosball tournament. Odds: 50-1

Ruben Studdard: The winner of this year's American Idol contest. Ruben seems like a good dude, but I doubt he'll go deep in this tournament. Should get a few votes from the Idol fans, but won't win. Odds 300-1

Eugene Levy (aka Jim's Dad from American Pie): Remember how I said Will Ferrell is one of the funniest men in the world today. Well Eugene Levy is one of the few that gives him a run for his money. If you saw him in that dog show movie or Bringing down 'da house, he was pretty funny, but there is nothing that quite compares with Jim's Dad from the American Pie movies. Jim's Dad is awesome! And James Gandolfini showed last year that one character can take you all the way. I'd say Levy is easily top 3 candidates, probably only trailing Ferrell. He will go deep. Keep it real homies. Odds: 5-1

Ozzy Osbourne: Ozzy was actually the first person earmarked for this tournament. Last fall, it was declared he would definitely be in the 2003 edition, and at that time many thought he had a shot at winning it all. Now he isn't even the funniest Dad in the tournament. Its really a shame because Ozzy is a great competitor. He has all the makings of a winner, but there are several factors going against him, most notably the tough field. Odds: 40-1

John Cena: The WWE's resident rapper. It would be funny to see him free style against Randy Savage. But they'd have to both make it to the semi-finals. That ain't gonna happen. Odds 150-1

Sean William Scott: Who's the man? Stifler! Sean William Scott is a lot like Eugene Levy, as they are easily the two best characters in the American Pie movies. A Stifler vs. Jim's Dad matchup is a definite possibility, and there's a chance the voters might actually opt for the Stiffmeister in that case. Odds 10-1

Lawyer Milloy: The news of his release and signing with Buffalo have faded away now, but Lawyer Milloy is still one of the most prominent figures in the New England sports scene over the past month. Still as Patriots fans get over his leaving, his chances of winning this tournament get smaller and smaller. Odds 150-1

Jason Mewes: Shit, Fucking Jay is the fucking shit, bitch, Bong! Snootchie Bootchies and Snoogans. Fuck. Shit. Cock. Balls. Motherfucker. Odds 20-1

Christina Aguilera: Another female singer. The pop star may be dirrty, but unless she knows a genie in a bottle, I don't think her reflection will show a foosball champion, no matter what a girl wants. Odds: 200-1

Al Pacino: Bill Clinton is "The Man", but Al Pacino's "The Best." When it comes to cinema, there are none better than Al Pacino. Michael Corleone, Scarface, Coach Tony D'Amato. It doesn't matter. He's the friggin' best. Pacino is also helped by his recent status as a prank caller, and his upcoming role in the James Ostis-directed picture, On the Bus. There will be strong support, and it may be another situation in which a guy named Al gets the most votes. And this time, the guy named Al wouldn't be robbed. Odds: 6-1

Mitt Romney: The Republican governor of Massachusetts. Sure he's done more hacking than Freddy Krueger and Jason combined, but the man will go nowhere in this tournament. Odds: 1,000,000-1

Michelle Wie: The youngest competitor to ever enter the celebrity tournament. If you aren't familiar with this high school freshman from Honolulu, she is one of the greatest golf phenoms of recent memory, a 14 year old girl who can drive the ball 300 yards. She thinks she can beat Tiger Woods, so she definitely has the confidence to win this tournament. I still doubt it though. Odds: 99-1

Lebron James: The second of three teenagers in this tournament. Lebron James is the most hyped high school basketball prodigy ever. The Cleveland Cavaliers' #1 pick, there are secret rumors that he and Greg are to be married. Odds 100-1.

Hilary Duff: Completing the teenage trifecta is Hilary Duff, aka Lizzie McGuire. Unlike the other two, I think she has a really good shot at winning this tournament. Duff will be Al Pacino's co-star in Jim's romantic comedy, On the Bus. Not one of the heavy favorites, but she could still win it. Odds: 9-1

Ramiro Mendoza: He was on the mound when the Red Sox clinched their playoff spot. He also pitched a scoreless outing against the Yankees in July. Right there I listed all the positive accomplishments made by Ramiro Mendoza in a Red Sox uniform. If it weren't for Romney, he'd be the longest shot in the tournament. Odds: 999,999-1

Angelina Jolie: The star of Tomb Raider, the movie. She also may be one of the craziest people in the tournament. Was once married to John Burkett. Unlikely to win the tournament Odds: 200-1

Lara Croft: The star of Tomb Raider, the video game. "That bitch is the bomb" Angel's away message said--or something like that. She continues the legacy of two legends, Homer Simpson and SpongeBob Squarepants as animated characters who entered the Celebrity Tournament Odds: 150-1

Robert DeNiro: Al Pacino is the best, but Robert DeNiro is behind him just a little bit. The Cheesenips to Pacino's Cheezits, Bob DeNiro has also been in some of the greatest movies of all time. Goodfellas. A Bronx Tale. Meet the Parents. Casino. Raging Bull, the list goes on. While some would like to see DeNiro win this tournament and he very well could, a much greater interest is in seeing him go one on one with Pacino. Odds 7-1

Bob Barker: The star of probably the greatest show to watch while you're wasting time in an extended homeroom period, The Price i$ Right. Bob Barker is a icon. But he's still a long shot. Odds 117-1

Senator John Forbes Kerry: The next president of the United States of America. John Kerry carries on the great tradition of politicians in the Celebrity Foosball Tournament. No stranger to polls, He leads George W. Bush in the latest one conducted. We know he's going to win in November '04. But will he do it in October of '03? Odds: 16-1

Dr. Howard Dean: Currently leading in some polls, can he parlay that success and win the polls in this tournament? Well it all depends. Is he really a Red Sox fan, or is he a Yankee fan? Dean would be better choice than Bush, no doubt about it, but I'd rather see a lifelong Sox fan win, then one who grew up rooting for the pinstripers. Odds 40-1

Catherina Zeta Jones: She's in those wireless phone commercials, and that power to magically make everybody freeze will likely come in handy in this tournament. Not that she's going to win anything. Odds: 97-1

Joe Pantoliano: Joey Pants, recent Emmy winner, star of the upcoming CBS show, the Handler....but to most of us, he will always be Ralphie. Hey, its Halloween. You know what that means, Jack O'Lanterns. Jack O'Laterns? You ask? You know like in Sleepy Hollow.....Icabod Crane....The Headless Horseman. When it comes to villains on the Sopranos, Ralph Cifaretto is at the head of the class. No doubt about it. As long as he keeps his head on his shoulders, Ralphie's got a shot at bringing the Sopranos its second straight Celebrity Tournament title. Odds 9-1

Chris Berman: ESPN's most famous personality, and the master of the nicknames. Boomer knows what time its going to get dark out. He may not be the first person you think of winning this tournament, be he could........go........all........the.........way!! Odds 13-1

Jerry Remy: The Remdog. Jerry Remy is the last of the 32 Celebrity Tournament competitors. What can you say about Jerry Remy? He's great. And he could be a surprising contender in this tournament. Odds: 22-1

So there you have it. My gut feeling is still that Will Ferrell will pull it out, but honestly I think that Jim's Dad, Stifler, Jason Mewes, Chris Berman, Joey Pants, John Kerry, David Ortiz, Robert Deniro, Al Pacino, and yes, Hilary Duff all could win the championship. Its the most wide open its even been, and it will be one hell of a tournament, that's for sure.

2003 Celebrity Foosball Tournament Preview